Thursday, May 14, 2009

Are your kids embarassed by you? (5 days til court!)

After reading this heartfelt/sad yet hilarious blog by a dad who realized on a camping trip that his son was embarrassed by him, I distinctly had a flash back moment where I remember being embarrassed by my parents. It was when I was about 13-ish. It didn't last long, but, it happened. Do we all go through this? Is this an adolescent rite of passage?

I needn't have been embarrassed. In fact, many of my friends probably like my parents better than they like me! They are frequently asking how my parents are doing and saying things like: "You're parents are so nice!" "You're parents are so cool!" "You're so lucky to have your parents." "Can I come over? Are your parents going to be there?" "They're not? Oh yea, well I just remembered I have a previous engagement."

So back on topic....

I daydream about raising Charlie. We go through the loving and affectionate early years, maybe some terrible twos, but generally we have a fabulous rapport. We make it through the grade school years, me helping her with homework and enjoying her friendships with other little girls. Driving her all over creation and encouraging hobbies. And then. ONE DAY.

The look.

The look that can only be translated as: "Mom, you are SO uncool/behind the times/dumbo."

I know it's way too early to be concerned about this, and I'm not "worried" per se, just daydreaming after reading that post...

Is there any way to avoid this, Moms?

I'd like to hear from some of you who have been through this, or avoided this. What set it off? Or how did you avoid it? Anyone experience it and manage to nip it in the bud ("You think I'm uncool now, kid? Just wait until I show up at your school play wearing my dashiki!") and how did you do that?


Angela said...

Of course I went throught something similar. My boy is in college now. It wasn't an embarrasing factor because no one assumes I'm his mom, they assumed I was his sister. It was more of a you're such a nerd mom. You and Pop are sooo boring and uncool. We just started beating him at that point(kidding).

It started around 13, and boy did it hurt my feelings. I cried big time because he was my best friend and my number 1 fan. All of a sudden I wasn't cool enough. I don't think you can really avoid it, it's a part maturing and gaining independence. They're closer to their peers than parents and family as teenagers (you're a LCSW so you know about development stages). Well honey it's true..sad but true.

When we drove him to college for the first time, he rushed us off campus. I cried again. Kids...

Michelle J said...

Maybe it's because Shane and I are close in age, but we never went through that "you're so embarrassing" stage. He also never did that teenage thing where they lock themselves in their rooms and never come out. Shane was always really sociable and 8 times out of 10 he'd opt to hang with us and or have his friends hang with us. Since he's been a teen my friends have enjoyed his company and would always ask if Shane would be joining us. He didn't develop a social scene totally apart from us till college. Anyway, we never went through the "you're uncool or stupid or leave me alone!" stages so I know it's possible. As always it comes down to, primarily, personality types, but I think lack of age difference and gender play a big role. In general boys don't seem to have as many issues with their mom' least that's what I've seen in my circle.

Anonymous said...

On NPR I heard a show about a mom who started a social group with other moms because she didn't want to have a tense relationship with her daughter. They'd meet once a month, moms and daughters, and discuss things that presumably a daughter might not want to discuss with only her mom. They had a schedule of topics, everything from sex to peer pressure to academics and professional dreams. Apparently it kept the mom and daughter on pretty good terms. You could probably find the show on the NPR website. Sounded worth a try!

Anonymous said...

Ok, so I looked up the parent blog, and the TITLE of the blog is just so friggin funny. (and the story behind it). MY question is: how did you end up finding that site? I can't imagine the search words ;-)