Putting Stuff Away (and Charlie's first word!)

Is this kid loved or what????

She has her own cheering section.

Boy do we fawn over her!

But how could you not?



PS Charlie said her first word on Thursday! Well, her first really clearly pronounced word. It was "ba-ba". She said it very well :-) and totally on purpose. She wouldn't say it again, perhaps due to being startled by my impromptu kitchen dance.... but still, big step!! My baby's growing up!

Super Secret Diaper Rash Help

Recently I read about a diaper rash treatment in one of the parenting magazines. Charlie had a persistent rash and so I decided to try it.

Apparently many diaper rashes have a yeast component (especially the rashes with small bumps) and so buying over-the-counter yeast infection ointment (you know, the kind for female yeast infections) and applying it to the child's bum seems to work.

I tried it, and in 2 days Charlie's rash was gone, and it has not come back. That was a couple of months ago. This solution seems to have some staying power. Much longer than zinc, which works slowly (if at all) and the rash comes back as soon as one stops using it). We have not had to use zinc or anything since using the yeast infection stuff, and her bottom is clear and gorgeous. And squeezable. I'm just sayin'.

I thought I'd share, since to me this was a God sent super secret solution!

Proof of Charlie's Innocence! Evidence, CSI-like...

Here is the evidence that Charlie's lip was hurt. These pictures were found in my mother's camera, taken on the morning of the great "tongue time out".

Thanks for all the input, there were some very wise comments.

And here's what I did about it (see two posts down for backup story):

Yesterday morning, her teacher was not there so I did nothing. By the afternoon I was completely calm and "over it".

I did bring it up after we had chatted about other things for awhile. I said "Her grandfather told me she was naughty yesterday.... what happened?" and the teacher replied that Charlie had stuck out her tongue, but she didn't think it was malicious. She wasn't sure where she had picked it up from, but there was a book they look at everyday of children from around the world (she showed it to me) and the child they call the "Charlie baby" (the one from Africa)is sticking out his tongue.

Which led me to want to ask "Well, why was she put in time out for that????" but I decided to let it go. After all, it's not a huge deal and as long as the teacher admitted it wasn't malicious (she's just too young for malicious!) that's all I care about.

Actually, funnily enough, M and M in the comments yesterday mentioned having that same book! And noticing the African baby sticking out her tongue. Weird coincidence, huh?

Boy.... put together an Aries personality and burgeoning mama bear protective feelings and wowsa! Explosions in the brain happen!

I'm nowhere near about to pull her out of this daycare. It has too many good things going for it, and I think that's a bit knee-jerk of a reaction. Here are the great things:

1) It's 1 mile from my house
2) They serve breakfast, lunch, and afternoon snack saving me money and more importantly, time
3) The entire school is extremely diverse. Every third family walking down the hall is a trans-racial family. I love that and can't get that anywhere else around here.
4) It's the cheapest daycare in the area.
5) Usually I think the teachers are really caring and warm.

So, until something else happens, something worse, Charlie will be staying in this daycare. It's hard to know just from reading a blog post, especially a post that was written in anger. But generally, these are compassionate teachers.

The teacher knows I am behind her most of the time with discipline, and we discuss Charlie's behaviors with the common goal to have a well behaved child. So I'm glad she can tell me this stuff. In this case, there's no doubt in my mind Charlie has no idea what sticking her tongue out means. But certainly she is a strong willed child and will need to understand that what her teacher and mama say needs to be adhered to. So far she is very well behaved, and I'm amazed.

Precursors to Post Adoption Depression

I'm sick right now, so I'm posting something I already wrote and was saving. I'll get back to you on the "sticking out tongue" debacle later....

I’ve been doing a little Internet research on PAD, along with reading one of the only books available out there “The Post-Adoption Blues” by Foli and Johnson. Here’s what I’ve found so far regarding precursors to Post Adoption Depression. If you have any of these, you may be at risk. Note the ‘may’ be at risk… there has been very little research on the topic that I can find.

BOTTOM of THE BARREL:

“When a family decides to adopt a child, considerable energy is put forth during the pre-placement time. Seemingly endless and intrusive paperwork, government agency requirements, advertisements to birth parents, and so forth, drain adoptive parents’ financial and emotional resources. There isn’t much left when the child actually arrives. Instead of understanding that the journey has only begun, some adoptive parents feel that the goal has been accomplished. Because the pre-adoption process can be all consuming, the precious time that needs to be used to prepare for parenting is stolen because so much energy has been put into the process itself." --Foli and Thompson

I’d like to add international travel and jet lag to that list. Preparing for travel across the world, packing, bringing donations, more paperwork in the form of visas and passports, waiting for court and the powerlessness feelings that brings up, traveling somewhere foreign and the culture shock… it all adds up to depleted reserves of strength for once the child arrives.

Personally, I remember blogging about feeling “in denial” that a child was arriving, questioning how some parents could “fall in love with a picture” before ever meeting the child, etc. Looking back, I was immersed in the preparation and not able to concentrate on the reality of what having a child in my daily life would look like.

IGNORANCE:

Nobody told me about PAD before the adoption. Luckily, I read a LOT on adoption and learned about it through blogs. I was in denial that it would affect me though.

Not much research has been done on the problem. But in a 1999 survey sent out by Harriet McCarthy to subscribers to an online list serve for parents in the Eastern European Adoption Coalition, 77 percent of those who reported post-adoption depression said their symptoms lasted from two months to more than a year. Seventy percent felt that the depression had interfered with the transition and bonding with their new children. Only 8 of the 94 people who reported post-adoption depression said they had been advised by their agencies that the syndrome even existed.

- http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/25/health/25adop.html

BEING A FIRST TIME PARENT:

According to psychologists who work with adoptive parents, the stress of being a new parent, sleep deprivation and a lack of support may put women at risk. And some adoptive mothers may be saddened if they do not "feel love at first sight" or immediately bond with a child.

-http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/25/health/25adop.html

ISOLATION:

If you lack support in your family or community, you are at a higher risk for PAD. This is true of any mental illness, really.

PAST INFERTILITY ISSUES:

If infertility or miscarriages preceded the adoption, a woman may still dwell on her lost pregnancy or inability to have a biological child. And some parents endure a long process to adopt a child, filled with anxiety, delays and other obstacles.

- http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/25/health/25adop.html

Four more precursors coming up include being a "Career Woman". Tune in....

Tongue in Cheek. Or not, as the case may be.

Charlie finds out life is unfair!
Today, Charlie got put in time out when she allegedly stuck her tongue out twice at her day care teacher. Her grandfather picked her up and got the full tale from the teacher. On the ride home, Charlie stuck her tongue out continuously.

When Opa told me this, my anger FLARED. Charlie had bit her lip before school and I showed her teacher how it was bleeding. How DARE she punish her for licking her hurt lips???

And I mean.... really. This was NOT a stiff "F" you defiant protruding tongue; it was a soft, wandering, "what is this weird blood taste" type of sticking out tongue. Sheesh. Who can't tell the difference with that??

So I got all prepared to stomp in there tomorrow and remind them that Charlie bit her lip and was not sticking out her tongue, but my mom thinks that might scare the teacher and prevent her in the future from telling me anything.

Another option, since I can't let it go totally and let them think she's so naughty, is to go in there tomorrow and pretend my parents didn't tell me the time out story and mention"Charlie's lip is all better today. Remember how she bit it yesterday and it was bleeding?" and innocently.... remind them.... guilt trip them so to speak.... that my girl is awesome and they were WRONG about her!!!!

What thinkist thou, oh wise blog readers?

Let it go and say nothing?

Let them have it firmly, yet politely?

Innocently remind them about her tongue and let them draw their own conclusions?

Or what would you do?

Yes, I need answers. It's not the end of the world. But I'm still curious what you would do.