Saturday, September 5, 2009

Melancholic...


Today when I woke up it was 60 degrees and totally foggy...

I felt sad.

The end of summer.

It reminds me strongly of the days in my youth when the first hint of coolness in the air meant the fun was over and it was time to head back to school. I still get that feeling, every fall.

Only this time, it's more true since soon I will be heading back to work. I really don't want to go... I've gotten used to my slow paced days (although chasing Charlie around is not "slow" by any definition) and dread returning. I will miss my time with Charlie, but mostly I will miss not having to be anywhere at any given time, being able to plan my day as I see fit, drinking coffee until 11 AM and staying in my PJs until I start feeling guilty.

I do miss the adult conversation and my colleagues, but I don't really miss the concept of "work".
I know some women who would go nuts without their careers, but I'm not one of them! I could find a hundred things to do in a day that I rather spend my time on than working. I'd rather go antiquing, go to the matinee, go out to lunch with girlfriends, go to the park with Charlie, take the dogs out, travel, work in the garden, read, read, read... watch T.V.

Ok, that last one isn't that great. But the rest are!

We only get one life and to spend 40 hours a week working seems like an awful lot to me.

On the other hand, these past 3 months of leave have been unpaid, and I'm getting nervous watching my bank account dwindle. Of course I knew this time off would eat into my savings, but watching it happen is scary.

Also, I am not taking into consideration most of the rest of the globe, who work way more than that just to survive, plowing fields, doing hard manual labor, carrying water in a bucket on their head 5 miles back to the hut. I need to be grateful I *ONLY* have to work 40 hours at a cushy desk job that pays me well and takes care of me and Charlie.

Still, I have that melancholic feeling of the end of summer...

Blech.


Photo credit to Andre Kertesz: "Melancholic Tulip".

2 comments:

Michelle said...

(((((hugs)))) I know just what you mean. I can live without a career and love the idea of being free to make my own schedule. Maybe there's soemthing out there you can do that would provide the care you adn Charlie need and allow you to make your own hours? In the meantime, you do have a good job and in these tough times, that's a lot more than a lto of people. That said, all things are relative and sometimes it really doesnt' matter what anyoen else does or does not have-- we jsut know how we feel in the moment. So yeah, others have it worse, BUT it really does suck to have to go back to work. Keep your ears and eyes open. Maybe there's something out there you wouldn't mind spending 40 hours a week on. Maybe?

theberberediaries said...

Great post! I could have written the entire thing myself :) I can totally relate to the feeling of melancholy (or actual DREAD!) at the beginning of fall. And the feeling is definitely NOT helped by the fact that my spouse and I are both teachers, with me being the one at the end of summer vacation who gets to look forward to spending all day taking care of the kids myself before going to my "real" job.

And work...I don't love work. I like it a lot. I like being there. I like the people I work with, and the people I serve. But I don't like the way I think about it when I'm not there, or the way I have to arrange the entire rest of my life around it, and I wish with every fiber of my being that I didn't HAVE to do it...

C'est la vie :)