Unveiling.

This is it! No more pics of 2009 after this, I promise! But I have never really put pictures of myself on this blog and I finally had a few good ones taken of me. So I decided to unmask and great the new year in a more open way! Ta-da, here is your blog author, A1S.





So here's me, nice to meetcha, wishing you all a fabulous oh-ten. May all your kiddos find their way home this year.

These pictures take my breath away!

It's a combination of the early morning sunlight, her expressions, the softness of her hair.... her face....










Thanks to my Uncle John for the pictures! He's got a great eye and a super camera. Actually my aunt has a camera that has a "beauty" option which erases most wrinkles and spots without blurring the picture. It's really incredible. Maybe one day I will get the guts to post those before and after beautification pictures of myself!

Having a daughter for Christmas

This was not Charlie’s first Christmas, but it was her first Christmas with us, her forever family.

I wonder what her mother is doing in Addis? And her brother. I hope they are OK. I have sent pictures and a letter to the address I have for her, but so far have heard nothing in response. I know that Ethiopians celebrate Christmas in January, and Charlie and I will send prayers across the globe on that day.

Back here in the USA, Christmas was joyful.

Much better(in my opinion) than before Charlie's arrival.

The Christmases the past few years have been decent, great, fun, and it’s always nice to spend time with family. But there was something missing. And this year she was not missing. She was very much a part of every moment of Christmas for me.

We made it to family after the snow storm of the decade. Three days late, but still made it safely. We spent our time between two relatives houses. Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day lunch were fabulous. I made a special drink called a “Maple Buttery Kiss” on Christmas Eve that was yummy, or at least I thought so ;-) . My aunt set a beautiful table and the lasagna dinner was delicious.

All the cousins played together and Charlie had a blast. They all went down into the basement at one point, which is a huge basement, very long and perfect for riding toys (such as the motorcycle and car seen in pictures). It was like a small amusement park down there. Boy was it chaotic at moments! Chaotic but fun. Totally out of control. Charlie held her own, but was asleep by 8 PM and slept until 9 AM Christmas morning, that’s how exhausted she was.

Christmas morning we opened presents and for the first time in years, we kept it to a reasonable amount. It still took all day to open them, but at least the adults didn’t get or give many to each other, it was mostly about the kiddos this year. Then we ate and played all day. Perfect. My family embraced Charlie 150%, and she is now going through attention withdrawals because it’s back to just me and her. She loves the 21 person attention-fest that happens when we go home to visit!

This is the Holiday Wrap Up, since I’m not celebrating New Year’s Eve, to my knowledge. I hate NYE anyway, always have. It makes me sad. Sad and usually disappointed. So I’ve just stopped celebrating it, and now that it would cost even more with having a babysitter, it’s not worth it. I’ll just relax with Charlie at home and wish her the best 2010.

I do have pictures of other family and cousins, but have not yet gotten permission to post them.

Super happy with my Christmas gift!

Look at how awesome my (PINK) Canon Powershot is (thank you Santa!) click on pics for larger, better detailed shots.

(oh yea, and how pretty my daughter is....)


The "knock-knock-who's-there?-open-the-door-shut-the-door-do-it-again" game. Christmas Eve I put coils in her hair.



Snow... nom, nom, nom...


Ice tear, not from unhappiness but from the cold. If you only click on one, this is the one to click on.



Her cousins have a motorcycle and she took right to it. Rut-row.


Oh yea, back to the door game. This was Christmas Eve. I'll post Christmas tomorrow.

On another topic, I just wanted to point out that the "Airplanes crash when I travel" curse still continues. ON the day I flew to family, a plane in Jamaica crashed. On the day before I flew home, a mad bomber was taken down mid-air over Detroit. This continues the pattern. For years now I have noticed that planes go down when I go up. In a way, I take it as "insurance" that my own plane won't go down, based on statistics. However, if there comes a time when I'm traveling and there has not been an accident lately.... I'm going to assume it's my time.

Santa's Revenge:

On our flight home, when we were about to land, I shifted Charlie's position on my lap and all of a sudden I felt this warm gush.....

Since I was buckled in and not allowed to visit the restroom, I was trapped.

But a warm trapped. Which is better than a cold trapped. So I tried to look at the bright side. ANDDDDDD.... we didn't crash so that is always appreciated (Thank you, Gods!)


I guess Santa got me good for this!




;-)

He also got me a great camera and so as soon as I figure out how to upload the pics, I will post a few (hundred) of Charlie's first Christmas with the family. She had a wonderful, fun, overwhelming, playing, laughing, dancing, cousin-y, delicious, chaotic, and loved-filled Christmas. It was GREAT!

I hope all of your holidays were filled with joy.

Oh Sweet Jeeezus How Good it is!!!!!!!!!!!

Internet, TV and HEAT ARE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Woooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!


Man did I do the happy dance all over the house!

I woke up my neighbor and sang in her ear!

Ahhhh... life is good again. I had resigned myself to a dark, cold Christmas alone with Charlie but it looks like I MIGHT (pending no plane crashes) be able to be with my family for Christmas!

I got to drive around a bit today (to buy Chai of course) and every 30 feet a tree is down. It looks like a disaster area. Where is Obama to give us some funds??? There are utility trucks on every corner. Two lane roads are one lane, traffic lights are out, it's a bit eerie. But I'M FREE! FREE AS A BIRD! AND THAT BIRD WILL NEVER DIE-EAYYY-EAYYY!

Kind of sad that the Internet and TV can make me so happy. Or rather, the lack of reduce me to a heap of bored mess.


Here are some pics of the past days:



OUTSIDE:First day, it's still fun and beautiful....


End of first day, trees are starting to look sad.


Umm, yea, that's my driveway somewhere there...


This is still the first day, about 18 inches fell that day. We got another inch or two the next day.




This is the tree that fell against my house. Note how close it came to both breaking my window, and knocking down the cable wires. That would have meant no electric or Internet for even longer. Thank God for small (as in an inch) favors! Note my trusty saw hanging there in a moment of exhaustion.







This is the tree, or parts of it, after I pioneer woman'd it.

INSIDE:




"Momma. Can't. Move." Actually, it was bedtime when I bundled her so much she could barely bend her arms.

I was so unprepared for this. I had:

- half a book of matches
- a flashlight with a dying battery

I did not have:
- boots or gloves for shoveling
- Charlie's coat, mittens and hat (locked up in her school)
- salt for the driveway

We survived though. Each match was revered. Each candle, pruned and nursed along.


Thank you, all of you, for writing me comments and getting me through this last day when I was really losing it. I could expound on all sorts of deep thoughts I've had over the past few days, such as how easily a terrorist group could bring a city to it's knees by knocking out the electrical plant and the water reservoir.... or how close we all are to living like animals and our "civilization" with it's "Internet" and "heat" is an oh-so-fragile illusion about to come crashing in at any moment... certainly by 2012 I'd say. But I"m not going to. Instead I'm going to spend the night doing electrical activity, such as dish washing, laundry, and maybe, just maybe, some TV. Tomorrow we leave, please pray for our flight. Frankly, we've had enough excitement for this Christmas season.

We hope you have a MERRY MERRY Christmas! And, of course, a joyous Festivus for the rest of us :-) Don't forget to "Air Your Grievances" and have a fun wrestle.

The Secret to Happiness

I used to facilitate several therapy groups (addicts and alcoholics in early recovery) and on occassion I would catch the members' attention by claiming to know "THE" secret to happiness. Once everyone was quietly attentive, I'd share. It was simple, but not easy: "Do the next right thing". Groans would erupt. But wait, let me finish, I'd say. If one does the next right thing in every moment, it leads to amazing contentment. It's just not an easy way of life to sustain.

My theory was that doing "bad" things, no matter how small (i.e. leaving no sheets on the roll of toilet paper for the next poor sap who sits down) eats away at one's self esteem, one little chip at a time. Sometimes even subconsciously, without one realizing it. This creates the belief that one is "not a good person" and bad people don't deserve to be happy. Plus the world ends up being a negative place and generally sucks.

Conversely, if one changes the roll in anticipation of the next person, the "next right thing" to do in that case, the opposite happens... one starts believing one is a "good" person, and that feels.. well... GOOD. Do enough of these small right things in a row, like for weeks, and all of a sudden one realizes: 'Hey. I'm HAPPY DAMN IT."

I've actually done the next right thing for a few months at a time and it really works. Take it from me, a person who generally languishes in a borderline depression since 1985. Now, a day or two won't do it, it has to become a way of life. But it works.

From the article "How To Get Really Happy" by Julia Allison:

"We’re all too quick to “postpone the intense self-examination and decision-making necessary to create a life of enjoyment.” What do we do instead? Distract ourselves with the idea that more money (or losing weight, or getting married) will make us happy.

So what’s the fastest way to really—really—figure out what makes you a happy camper?

Start a list. (Groan) I know, I know. Another list, just what you need. But seriously. You make excruciatingly detailed lists for the grocery store, the IRS, and your wedding. The least you could do is write down a few things that led directly to joy on your part. None of this “the end justifies the means” stuff (you’re not allowed to write anything that “might one day” make you happy. It has to create contentment right then and there.)

And stop with the big things. “My apartment” is too … vague. “My boyfriend” is too general. What about your apartment makes you happy? The way the light streams through the windows at 7:30 a.m.? The fact that you can’t hear your neighbors—ever? Your tiny little balcony, on which you fell asleep last Saturday night, on a blanket, because no chairs fit out there? That’s the sort of thing you should write down.

If you get stuck, think of this very cheesy reminder—Maria in The Sound of Music, singing about “her favorite things.” It seems a bit juvenile, but I promise, as you write down the silly little pieces of life that truly make you happy, I bet you’ll realize you’re happier than you think. And as you do, you’ll begin to notice that happiness is a choice—and it’s a positive feedback loop. As you choose to see the little things that bring you joy, you’ll start to see more of them, which will in turn, make you happier.

I remember reading somewhere that “happiness requires cultivation.” Take the time to cultivate your happiness. After all, what could be more important than that?"

I guess the secret to happiness is doing the next right thing, and an attitude of gratitude for what you already have.

In the spirit of self examination, here are a few things that bring me joy:

- Seeing Charlie wake up (her rosy cheeks, her smile, her bright eyes, her chirpy voice)

- Lying in bed with my three dogs, one behind my back, one with her muzzle fitted onto my side, one by my feet.

- Cooking something I think is turning out great.

- Having a free afternoon with nothing to do but read or waste time on the Internet.

- Watching Charlie form new words (the perfect "circle" of her lips when she says "no-no-nose" and points her chubby forefinger to smoosh her nose.)

- Christmas morning!

What is one of your joyful moments? Why don't you share one thing here and see if you can spread it. I may get some ideas from you.

I put a pee soaked girl on Santa's lap.... does that put me in the "bad" column?

After checking the website to make sure we arrived on time, Charlie and I stood in line excitedly to see Santa at 12:59 PM yesterday.

At 1:00 PM, a somewhat bitchy elf came by and strung a rope up right in front of us. "Santa's going to lunch. He'll be back at 2:00".

Harumph! He could stand to miss a few meals, imo.

I said something about how they should mention that on the hours listed, so people don't plan to come with small kids right then, and the "elf" (I use that term kindly) retorted that it was right there on the sign. "The sign that is pointed away from everyone in line?" I asked, "Because it's not on the website which is where people who are deciding when to come would look."

Score. But no joy in that. We took off to waste an hour at Build-a-Bear, which was fun. I changed Charlie at one point.

45 minutes later, hair disheveled, dress stained, and cheeks tear stained (not from seeing Santa but from not being allowed to eat ice off the mall floor) we headed back to Santa's area.... only to see a doubly long line around the corner.

Crap.

Oh well, it's Charlie's first Christmas with me and so we must do what every other parent does and force her to sit with Santa. We got in line. We waited. We fidgeted. We cried. We peed. A lot.

I discovered her wet stockings when we were next in line to sit on Santa's lap. It was 3:00 PM.

Now I ask you..... after all this, would YOU have gotten out of line to change her???

I think not.

So enjoy this photo, knowing Santa is wondering: "Is her butt really warm or is that wetness?"




Does that put me in the "bad" column? Will I be getting coal this year??? Yikes! Sorry Santa!

Her dress rose up, and I couldn't fix it because she was JUST about to start crying. They had to snap the picture right then, or miss it. So this is what we got for her first Santa experience! I think showing Charlie her personalized Santa video helped prepare her, she was definitely not as scared as some of the kids in line. And to see some hilarious Santa with crying kids photos, go here. It makes me really wonder why we do this to our kids??

Christmas Magic: Your kids will be mesmerized...

My cousin, Kiki, turned me on to this link. It's a video of Santa talking to your child. It's very personalized, from a picture of your child, to his/her positive achievements, gift wishes, location, hair color and name. So once you input all the info, it's pretty fun to watch! And best of all, it's 100% FREE!

Charlie watched her Santa video with excitement and I could feel her little heart beating under her shirt and see the wonder in her eyes. Even though she has no idea who Santa is, she knew enough to realize he is magic! I video taped her the second and third time she watched (I never remember to video the first time, ugh), and each time she was enthralled. Her little eyes were opened so wide!

Click here to watch the Santa video and see if you want to make one for your child. There are different age ranges: toddler, tween, good kid, bad kid, etc so you can pick your category (I wonder what the "bad kid" category is and if anyone actually picks that!)

I'm starting to "get" the Christmas awe that parents seem to have when watching their kids at this time of year. I didn't really, before. I mean, I knew intellectually that parents got a kick out of watching their kids open presents and get excited. But I didn't really understand in my heart, how it feels, when you see your kid's face lit up in delight, awe, joy. The first time Charlie watched the Santa video, I got a clue on how wonderful that feels.... to watch your child see Santa for the first time.

I haven't felt this excited for Christmas for years. Since I was little actually.


Then we opened the first day of the Advent calender and she was surprised and delighted there was a piece of chocolate behind the window. She wanted to open and close the window over and over.

What is your favorite part of the holidays, as far as watching your kids, that is?



PS Happy Birthday to my Aunt and Uncle. We love you lots!

HAPPY 2009!!!!

Check out that blue jello! Nothing like blue jello to ring in the new!

I hope this is a wonderful year for all my readers!

I also hope it is the year I become a mother... It depends on the USCIS, State Department, agency referral, etc. It's all out of my hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going out with a few friends for dinner only to celebrate the New Year. Generally I don't like New Year's Eve as a holiday... it feels forced to me, and I always get nostalgic and a little bummed out. So I probably won't be staying up to ring in the New Year at midnight.

I am grateful for a day off tomorrow, it's been a zoo at work. Crazy busy... unnaturally busy, clients feeling needy maybe? (I saw 8 clients between 9 Am and 10 AM on Monday and it hasn't petered out since...). If it's nice I may take the dogs for a hike.

Oh, and for my BookCrossing friends, this year I read 59 books :-) .

Announcement to family

12-27-2008

I'm back from a week long trip to be with family over the Christmas holiday. It was a fun, chaotic, joyful time. There are now 5 "grandchildren" (meaning the generation after mine - we used to be "the grandchildren" but time moves on) all under the age of 10. Two of them are still infants and one a toddler. They all add so much to Christmas! It's amazing how 17 adults can stop all conversation and turn their full attention when an infant enters the room! Is it like that in all families?

I did notice the absence of my daughter. I imagined what it would be like with one more infant there... Probably even more chaotic, but I'm sure we could have handled it! But God knows best and so maybe a waiting period of (hopefully less than ) a year is prudent. Prudent but agonizing.

It was also hard not to talk about the adoption during the 5 days prior to Christmas Eve. We (my parents and I) wanted to announce it in a special way, and so waited until Christmas Eve when we were all gathered at my cousin's home for dinner. We opened a few gifts and "suprises " (Dutch tradition of poems and small gifts). The announcement came in the form of a poem my father wrote for me to read. I teared up, especially at the part about the biological mother. After the poem was read, no one was quite sure what it meant... some thought perhaps y parents were "sponsoring" a child ("for the cost of a cup of coffee per day") When they figured it out there were lots of hugs and congrats and talk of names and questions. Lots of joy! Here is the poem my dad wrote:

"Many years ago in Rio De Janeiro

A baby girl was born into the home

Of two diplomats stationed there

Ready to give her all their love and care.

Of ----'s parents everything was known

Their ancestry, their families, their genes

Yet it was impossible by any means

To predict or foresee

The beautiful person she would one day be.

Many years later, perhaps this very day

In Ethiopia far away

Another baby girl is born

And of her parents nothing much is known.

Except her mom and dad are no longer there

To give her all the love and care

She needs to grow one day for all to see

The beautiful woman she can be.

Sometimes it seems we have little say

Over how our lives progress from day to day

But this little baby needs ---- as her mother

And even more,

---- needs her to love and care for.

Sometimes it seems to me,

Some things are meant to be."

Isn't that lovely?

Mom says she has already had 3 dreams about this baby. I try to warn her (and myself) not to get too attached.... so many things can go wrong. I will pray, and hope, and do my end of the footwork, and trust that "some things are meant to be."