Sunday, November 1, 2009

Post Adoption Depression: Thought for the Day 2

Post Adoption Depression: Thought For The Day:

"Other parents and family members are constantly judging my parenting skills. And finding them lacking. When family and friends offer to babysit to give me a break, I feel guilty and suspicious (“They don’t think I can handle this”). If I accept, while I try to take a nap I lie there feeling guilty…. I SHOULD be out there taking care of her, not them. People judge me when I’m not playing with her and they are. They are thinking :” Wow, she’s a bad mother.” People judge me when she gets a boo-boo on her. They are thinking: “Wow, she’s a neglectful mother.” Even the dogs give me accusatory looks when she is crying, like they are thinking I"m doing something to hurt her! Now THAT is ridiculous! I really don't need my dogs getting on my case too!"

Post Adoption Depression Recovery Thought For the Day:

"People may be judging my parenting skills, but probably not as much as I think. And if they are, they don’t see the whole picture, just snap shots in time. Most people don’t care enough about me or Charlie to give us a second thought, and those who do care are not judging us in a negative way or constantly. Maybe even some people might think I'm a good mother. And the dogs are just nervous from the crying, they don't actually think you are torturing her."


Amy said...

You should be charging a fee for the counseling you are providing to others. Thanks!

Amy said...

Do not stop posting about PAD. My guess is that not everyone is brave enough to admit this has been an issue for them. I have received private emails regarding this. Some people are just not comfortable sharing in an open format. We need to stop judging and start helping/supporting.

SS said...

Thank you for your honest expression of PAD. It helps to inform well-meaning family and friends.

LegalMist said...

I love this point / counterpoint format you came up with. It really helps point out where the negative thinking goes wrong.

When you are a grandma, remember this post.

One of the most helpful things my mom did for me when I was a new mom was to tell me, somewhat often, that I was a *good* mom. It's a little counterintuitive - I mean, merely by offering that opinion she was demonstrating some level of "judgment" of my parenting skills. But even if she hadn't said anything, I'd have thought she was judging me. At least this way, I knew the judgment was a good one!