Friday, October 30, 2009

Post Adoption Depression: Thought for the Day 1

Ugh. I don’t feel like sitting down and writing about Post Adoption Depression.

It’s too depressing.

That was a joke.


Since I promised, I’ll write smaller snippets. The thought of putting together a whole essay is too much.

So here’s the first snippet:

Post Adoption Depression: Thought For The Day:

"I’m not a good enough mother. I was so lucky to be given a healthy, happy, beautiful little girl, and I should feel “over the moon” about that. The fact that I don’t feel over the moon means there is something very wrong with me. After all, I worked my butt off for this to happen. I filled out tons of paperwork, spent my life savings, traveled across the world, took 3 months off without pay, all to make this happen and to bond with this little one. She deserves someone who is over the moon. She deserves someone who’s eyes light up every time she enters the room. She deserves someone who will play with her all the time, or at least, more than I play with her. She deserves someone who doesn’t wish for “me time” as much as I crave it. I feel guilty that I pine for alone time. I was alone and taking care of my own needs for 39 years. It's a shock it’s all about her needs from now on.

Post Adoption Depression Recovery Thought For the Day (so as to not wallow, because everyone hates a wallower):

"I am a good enough mother. I take care of all of Charlie’s needs, and many of her wants. I am lucky to have her, and she is lucky to have me. Out of all the mothers on earth, God saw fit to put us together, therefore it was meant to be. I’m the only mother she has, and I do enough for her. This is a good thing, and a wonderful partnership."


Kiki said...

Hey, don't beat yourself up about alone time. Many couples schedule date nights once a week to get away from the kids and talk to adults. You need adult time and time for yourself and since you don't have a partner to cover the child watching duties while you have some alone time you need to find another way to get it. Hire a babysitter if you can afford to do that. In my town there is a Mom's Club and they use exchangeable tickets, so if you babysit someone else's child for a few hours you get a ticket and if they take your's for a few hours you "pay" them a ticket. That way you don't really have to fork over cash but you get babysitting services so you can go out and do adult things. I can find out exactly how it works if you want but I think that's the gist of it. Also, I too didn't think I was a good mother because when they were small I felt they were kind of boring. Doesn't that sound mean? But they just don't do much that is exciting, and they don't talk or play fun games. Somehow building endless block towers to watch them knock over just didn't hold my attention for long and I got bored and I too longed to do something more stimulating. It's perfectly normal and you shouldn't feel bad about it. You are a good mother and having feelings about wanting to be alone every once in a while doesn't make you a bad mother. Think of how many times you've heard mothers say, "I can't wait for nap time". It's not that they don't love their kids or aren't good mothers, it's just that sometimes you gotta have a little time to yourself. I think your going thorugh the adoption process is sort of like when I planned my wedding. You plan and plan for months and then the day comes and goes in 4 hours and it's sort of a let down because you don't have that same energy and excitment level. Is there such a thing as post-wedding depression? Anyway, I think you just need to find a new "something" to plan and get excited about. Maybe if there is no Mom's Club in your town you could do that? Our Mom's club let's stay at home dads join too by the way. Anyway, just a thought. Keep smiling and give yourself a pat on the back, you're doing wonderfully as a mother. You think in our family it would be kept quiet if you weren't? LOL. Not a chance!

Amy said...

This is very helpful to me as I think about completing the adoption process (well hopefully one day completing the process).

USArmyWife said...

Ughh your first part of that was exactly how I felt, I actually broke down several times while in Ethiopia thinking the same things. Its like all of a sudden it hit me, Holy crap I will never have just me time anymore. My husband and I will not have us time anymore and it devestated me.

I think the stress of getting my girls, plus being tired and jet lagged plus my husband deploying added to it, but I literally fell apart everyday for a couple weeks. Even after being back home. Its been almost 2 months that ive been home and I still dont feel all back to normal, but its gotten better. I look forward to reading more =)