"Dogs and Storks" class pointers

Ok, what do you see above?

Is this an "Aww, lookit how cute Bubba is with Junior!" moment? Or is it "Holy crap, Bubba thinks Junior is a groundhog and it's about to shake him by the neck relentlessly!" moment?

Hmm......

Well, after taking this "Dogs and Storks" baby prep class, I'd have to go with #2.

Apparently, parents are misreading many of the warning signs that dogs give out when they are uncomfortable or fearful. We think, aww how cute! when really the dog is begging us to provide distance and space from this little terror called a toddler!

I learned a lot, and it scared the bejeezus outta me, even though the teacher kept saying "MOST of time there's nothing to worry about...."


She did tell the story (which traumatized me and pissed me off.. so warning, skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid that) of how when she was in vet school they had to put down a 13 year old Golden Retriever, who had been a gentle member of the family since puppyhood. the dog had bit the toddler for "no reason" and they thought the dog must have a brain tumor or something as it was so uncharacteristic of him. No one could understand why the dog behaved like that until the autopsy was done and they found a pencil stuck deep into his ear. UGH. Thanks, teach! Now that will be stored in "the vault" for my remaining days.

Ok, so for those of you who skipped that paragraph, it's safe to read again.

Here are some pointers I picked up. And I'm around dogs a LOT, so if I didn't think of them, maybe you haven't either. Hence, the sharing.

BEFORE BABY ARRIVES (i.e. prepping your dogs):

1) Shake baby powder on dog beds, baby items (such as the high chair, bouncy thing, etc). Babies come with many foreign smells. If the dog is already used to certain smells, he won't be as anxious when the real thing arrives.

2) Have dog sit next to baby items and give them a treat (you are acclimating the dog to the sight and sounds of the items. Some items make clicking noises as they rock, or humming noises, etc, that can sound very loud to a dog.)

3) Ignore the nudging or pawing that dogs do for attention. This can hurt the baby so get them used to not doing that now.

4) Train the dog to go to "his place", and train him to do this from a sitting position and a lying down position (you are lying down) so he knows to follow that command when you are nursing or co-sleeping.

5) Walk the dog with an empty stroller to get him used to it. Stroller are bulky and make a lot of noise. It's a very differnt kind of walk than what the dog is used to. Never put the leash on the stroller handle bars. One squirrel is all it takes for Junior to take the ride of his life.

ONCE BABY ARRIVES:

1) When bringing baby home, set her a top a higher surface, like the dining room table, and act like she is a purse. Meaning, don't treat her like anything out of the ordinary. Give the dog a stuffed frozen Kong, allow him to sniff the baby if he wants. He will probably be more interested in his treat than the baby if you don't make a big deal out of the introduction.

2) When dog wants to come over and sniff, hold baby sitting up in your lap. Hold out her heel in the palm of your hand for dog to sniff. Use your knee as a barrier if needed.

3) Most people think that *doggie time* is once baby is napping, but it's better to have dog get attention when baby is present. That way the dog associates the baby with good things. If the dog plays whenever the baby isn't around, and when the baby is around dog gets no attention, the baby is not such a wonderful being in the dog's opinion.

4) Have "zones" in the home. A dog zone and a baby zone. These are places the dog can be safe from the baby and the baby can be safe from the dog. You can use barriers to create these zones, or crates, or doors.

BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER:

The vet said she cringes when she sees parents bragging on how good the dog is with the baby, and the following signs are happening:

1) The whites of the dogs eyes can be seen (like a horse, this is anxiety and fear)
2) The dog is looking away from the baby
3) The tail is wagging and the dog is licking lips or yawning or panting
4) Dog is moving slowly
5) Dog is freezing (after *flight* and *freezing* comes *fight*)
6) The baby/toddler is LYING ON TOP OF THE DOG, or trying to ride the dog. The dog is then trapped. If you cut off the escape route, you give take away the option to flee (after *flight* and *freezing* comes *fight*).
7) The toddler is pulling the dog's tail or scruff of the neck (you must teach "gentle touch") as soon as the baby can reach out.

The vet said she often saw these signs and the parents were completely oblivious. She felt sorry for the dogs, because this is the way the dog communicates and he is not being heard. How many times a day, an hour sometimes, does a dog have to turn away from a toddler... before he reaches his limit and growls or bites? And then the dog is put to sleep and it was not his fault, it was the parents fault. That Golden Retriever (above) comes to mind... after 13 years of being a gentle, loyal family member, he acted instinctively, in pain and terror. The parents did not protect him. They failed at their job. And they punished the dog for their negligence.

Here is an example of the whites of their eyes being shown:
Even here where the dog is not fully trapped, his body language is fearful. The child is lying half on him. Don't let your kids do this!



Here is a dog turning away. Now he could obviously get away if he tried hard enough, but the dog may not feel like he is "allowed" to escape. The child has his neck over the dog's neck, signaling superiority over him:

So listen to your dog's body language! Allow them a safe retreat where your toddler cannot reach them. Keep them well exercised, and keep their minds busy (I recently bought the Busy Buddy Kibble Nibble and the Premier Twist and Treat which they all love.)

Much more info can be found at the Dogs and Storks website.

Another helpful website is http://www.livingwithdogsandkids.com/ and http://www.growingupwithpets.com/

I hope all your pets and kids end up growing up peacefully together, sharing and caring and teaching each other important lessons on life - (like where to find fresh water is an important one!)



Does anyone else have any tips to share? How's it going with your kids and dogs?

Introducing Matty and Ola

Until recently my only adult-child relationships were with my nieces and nephews. I have 5 of them total, offspring from different cousins. They are all awesome and I love hanging out with them. They are cuddly and smart and hilarious. One of my cousins has been diligently writing down all the funny stuff that comes out of their mouths as they grow up, and I thought I'd start a weekly post with one saying per week. Just a little light humor to start the weekend. I'm not sure what to call these posts (Silly Saturdays? Matty's Mondays? Give me a suggestion please!)

(Drum roll please) Introducing... Matty and Ola!!!! (aka Matthew and Olivia, but I call them Matty and Ola because we roll like that).

Matthew 2 yrs, 3 months – Matthew: “I want toast & jam please.”
Daddy: “You had toast and jam for breakfast.”
Matthew: “No, dinosaur ate my breakfast.”
Daddy: “A dinosaur? From where?”
Matthew: “Outside. He came in my house and ate my breakfast!”
Daddy: “Were you drinking when this happened?”
Matthew: “Yeah”

and just because it's the first week, here's another favorite of mine:

Matthew 3 years, 6 months – Daddy was helping Matthew with his pants after going potty. Daddy said, “You’ve gone to the potty three times this afternoon. It must be all the lemonade you drank at lunch.” Matthew leaned over and looked into the toilet and said, “Nope, that’s juice.”

To bottle feed or not to bottle feed, THAT is the question.

According to what I've been reading, there are a myriad of reasons to not only allow, but encourage Charlie to continue feeding from a bottle even at her ripe old age of 10 months...

Apparently, in the U.S. there is a lot of focus on early development and the further ahead one's child is, the better. This is not true in many other areas around the world.

Here are some comments I've read on the subject from moms of adopted Ethiopian babies:

"Pediatricians like to see bottles go away at 1 year old. I know that there is concern about bottles and teeth decay but I personally think that 1 year is an arbitrary number and that some kids are ready at a year and some kids aren't. My son came home at 9 months, (he's almost 11 months now), and I have no plans to get rid of the bottle any time soon. I think he needs the sucking for mouth muscle development and I also don't want to force a major transition when he's been home such a short time. "

"I'm actually disappointed that I followed the pediatrician's recommendation to drop the baby-bottle when Nettie was a year old. She had only been home a month, and now I've realized that she never had much chance to develop her sucking skills -- important not just for feeding but for speech, etc. -- because she went from orphanage (cup) to one month of baby bottle to sippy. I think her chewing/eating delays have to do with this."

I'm in no rush to get Charlie off the bottle. I hear news from the care center that they have already started her on cereal and a sippy cup. But many attachment experts suggest "going back a step" and allowing your adotped child to "be babied". Use the bottle time to concentrate on developing eye contact...foster bonding...enjoy togetherness and cuddling...allow baby to feel safe and nurtured...whether or not they can already hold a sippy cup. It will not stunt their development to do this.

"In addition, adoption experts often suggest that newly adopted children be given the opportunity to be bottle-fed (an artificial substitute for breastfeeding) at least once a day, regardless of the age of the child (Hopkins-Best 1998). This is because the emotional age of a child may be very different from their chronological age. It is often suggested that the emotional age of a child be gauged by how long he or she has been in his or her adoptive family." - From Adoptive Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy cited below.

Also, I have to say that the more time passes, the more *annoyed* (for lack of a better word) I get with thinking I am missing all Charlie's "early" stages. Breast feeding is not an activity I will ever get to experience, so don't take away bottle feeding as well! (I don't know who I'm talking to here...)

I don't think I'm going to attempt breast feeding as I'm not really excited about taking hormones and supplements, but many adoptive moms do. I've written about it before in this blog (search sidebar for "adotpive breast feeding"). I do feel sad about missing that stage with Charlie and missing out on the bonding that naturally occurs with breast feeding. If someone can talk me into it, I might try it. I'm open to considering it.

"If a mother decides to try to breastfeed her older adopted child, it is probably a good idea to approach it with the goal of doing the best she can and determine that she will enjoy any amount of success she has along the way. At the same time, she should be prepared to grieve if her desire for breastfeeding is not fully met; loss of the breastfeeding relationship she desired is a very real loss." - From Adoptive Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy cited below.

For those of you who are interested in breast feeding an adoptive child who is older than newborn, here are some articles (there aren't many articles out there on this topic, but it is possible to do)

Adoptive Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy

Nursing Julia: My Supreme Challenge

Back to bottle feeding: I don't think I'd continue the bottle feeding post sippy-cup-stage if there was evidence it would stunt her development. The evidence seems to be the opposite: the safety abd security they feel in one stage allows them to venture into the next with more confidence.

Moms, is that selfish?

I must be awesome (or something)!

Ok, so I have been looking high and low for a bookshelf for the nursery. I tried Toys R' Us and their Baby cousin, various furniture stores and warehouse stores.

I hadn't been having any luck until this past weekend when I pulled in to a shanty shack selling used crap-o-la and spotted THIS (gasp!!!) in the back of the store (on it's rungs were VHS tapes from the 1980's for sale).

So I ask the toothless lady "How Much?" and hold my breath. She hems and haws and gums and chews and says "Wellllllll...... it's real wood an' all...... it came from my own house an' all...." and I'm thinking "Ah darn, it's going to be too much!" and she says "I couldn't take a penny lessen $25. Nope. Couldn't do it."

Woo Hoo! I said "SOLD!" so fast she spun around like a top as I rushed to the car for my wallet.

She was probably cursing herself for quoting too low a price, but that's one of the benefits of keeping a dirty car filled with dog crates... people assume you are either crazy or poor. Or both.

So the weekend was spent painting.

Here we are at 2 hours (oh, and I went to the car wash immediately after buying the piece: Crazy, perhaps, poor no longer!):

4 hours:



6 hours (done):



And here, from various angles:





And VOILA! Am I awesome or what?!?!? I used the templates that my neighbor's mom used on the famous mural and I think it turned out GRRRREAT!

What do you guys think? (Click on the picture for larger and more details.)

Susan Boyle taken for stay in Mental Health Clinic

Did I say I wasn't going to write about this anymore? Oops.

'Drained' Susan Boyle reportedly in U.K. clinic
Doctors called to assist singer under Mental Health Act, newspaper says

LONDON - Scottish singer Susan Boyle was taken to a London clinic for treatment following her second-place finish in a nationwide talent competition, a newspaper reported Monday.
Boyle, 48, was admitted to the Priory Clinic on Sunday, a day after she finished behind a male dance group in the "Britain's Got Talent" television show, the Sun newspaper reported.
Boyle was the heavy favorite to win the finals — watched by over 19 million people — after becoming a YouTube sensation following her first appearance on the show in April. By Friday, the pressure appeared to be building relentlessly on the shy singer, who reportedly went into seclusion after exploding at journalists from Britain's notoriously aggressive tabloids.
The television company talkbackThames said Boyle was "exhausted and emotionally drained" and was taking a few days off.
"She has been seen by her private GP who supports her decision to take a few days out for rest and recovery," the company said. "We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery."
London police would not directly confirm the report, but said doctors had been called to assist a woman under the Mental Health Act. Police said the woman had gone to a clinic voluntarily.
Boyle drew 20.2 percent of the vote in the final, behind the dance group Diversity, which won 24.9 percent of 4 million votes cast. The discovery that a 48-year-old woman from a small Scottish town was capable of singing very well on a national stage made Boyle an international sensation. Heavy media coverage followed, much of it laced with snide commentary about her looks, her social awkwardness, and her remark that she had never been kissed.
Still, on Oprah Winfrey's U.S. television show, the singer said she was "loving every second" of her unexpected stardom.
Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond was scathing about the media pressure.
"We've got elements of a press who like nothing better than to build people up and then drag them down," Salmond said. "It's pretty sad actually. It's almost a psychosis."