Hurricane Charlie

It begins with a crease. A slight furrow of the brow.

Then, a whimper.

Soon, too soon, a resentful look.

A lower lip juts out.

A nose wrinkles.

A howl reaches ear splitting heights.

Within seconds, tears sprout like from a fountain, sweat beads up on her forehead, all eye contact is denied... Hurricane Charlie has arrived.

Temper tantrums. Daily basis. Sometimes on a minute by minute basis.

They used to show up whenever I left the room, but now they appear whenever she doesn't get her way. It's also her nap time and bedtime routine... the back arching, wailing.. she never falls asleep peacefully, it's always this colossal battle against herself to allow herself to sleep.

I'm not sure how to handle these tantrums.... I've tried different things. I've tried ignoring them (that doesn't work, she keeps going until she is spent and then falls asleep), and I've tried holding her (she arches her back, refuses eye contact, shrieks, until she's spent and falls asleep), I've tried standing near and coming closer when she lessens up and farther when she intensifies (has no effect). She is 10 months old. Ten second time out? (Or, for attachment parents:) Ten second time in? Somehow I don't think that will work... ten seconds is not noticeable to her during one of these meltdowns. Although I haven't even tried time outs... I think at this age they are worthless as she wouldn't understand what was happening.

I don't know how I am supposed to pay attention to anything else around the house. For example, today I needed to pick up dog poo in the yard. The dogs track poo in if I don't pick it up and it's unhygienic so I have to do it. I put her in the high chair, on the deck, where she was within 15 feet of me and could see me at all times. The high chair is very sturdy and she is safely strapped in. She wailed the whole time (15 minutes). This also happens when I shower, even if she is in the bathroom with me. Or any time I'm not paying attention to her 100%.

Did the nannies in the care center pick up every child as soon as they started crying??? I find it amazing to think, but I'm starting to believe it.

Should I just let her cry?

I feel like such a bad mother if I do that. Here I did all this work to bring her here and she's had all this loss and trauma and so how can I let her cry? It doesn't seem right. But soon I will be going back to work and we need to have some ways that we can survive and get things done. She is going to have to be ok being the only child of a single woman. God or whoever put us together and so we must find a way to make it work. She needs to learn, and I am definitely learning!

On the other hand, when she is not tantrumming, she is a delightful, smiley, playful child. She does great with eye contact, she's alert and interested in the world around her, and she is affectionate with me. So this is not RAD or anything as severe as that... it's behavioral and I seem to be making it worse rather than better.

Suggestions?

Propagating the stereotype of women drivers....

"Dreams from my Father"

Have any of my readers read Barack Obama's book "Dreams from my Father"? What did you think of it?

My lovely aunt sent it to Charlie today, for her "time capsule" (to be opened when she is 18). I'm allowed to read it first, and I'm looking forward to it. I wonder when I will find the time, but I'm definitely going to read this book!

I really like our president, I'm so happy to finally have someone I respect on the news every night (instead of gasping in horror every time the old pres opened his mouth). He's so eloquent. As the mother of a person of color, I'm also proud that a black man is in the White House. Charlie will never know a time when that seemed impossible.

Next up, a woman!

The fact that a black man made it into the White House before a woman really speaks volumes about sexism in this country. John Lennon hit the nail on the head with his song "Woman is the N----- of the World". He saw the writing on the wall. Maybe by the time Charlie is eligible... no pressure, sweetie :-)

Speaking of being sexist: Here is a picture I promised for Tami and Laura when I met them at lunch.
Can you guess who's behind this is???


Thank you Tante Laurie! What a great idea for Charlie's time capsule!

I'm a pathetic dog owner. Let's hope I make a better mother.

Since we've gotten home, Boo has had a sore on the tip of her tail which I've been watching carefully. Honestly, I did not want to bring her to the vet because it's a colossal pain (they always make you wait, even when you have an appointment, at least 30 minutes) and now with Charlie, I could only imagine the utter mayhem that would ensue with an 80 pound dog trying to pull her hardest to reach all the other living creatures in the waiting room, and Charlie in her stroller vocalizing her discontent. Plus, not earning any money right now... if the sore was going to take care of itself, that's another $100.00 I really didn't need to be spending.

All week the sore looked the same, with a scab over it. But yesterday (Sunday, when the vet is closed, of course) I checked the wound, and the scab had fallen off and underneath was the grossest thing EVER. There was a HOLE in her TAIL. I could see the BONE. Ugh. Poor baby. I'm thinking she was bitten by some flesh-eating spider.

So this morning I called for a same day (read: "wait forever") appointment, packed up the crew with bottles, diapers, leashes, etc and headed off for a THREE HOUR WAIT.

Charlie was AWESOME. Not a cranky peep out of her. She was charming and pleasant. She had all the patrons wrapped around her finger from the first minute.

Boo was AWESOME. She was friendly to other dogs and obeyed my every command.

If either of them had decided to act up, I don't know what I would have done for three hours... but they were both perfect, thank heavens.

The vet...

well, he was a major guilt tripper....

"You waited HOW LONG before bringing her in? A whole WEEK? Do you know this looks VERY PAINFUL? This SMELLS AWFUL, it's definitely infected."

I tried to explain that normally I'm a better dog owner who wouldn't wait a week... but that I had just returned home with a new baby, I had a cold and couldn't smell anything (true, I had actually tried smelling her tail and it smelled like daisies to me), and that Boo was still eating normally and acting ok.... but then just petered off into guilty silence, looking at the floor, drawing imaginary circles with my Croc toe. Took my medicine, so to speak. Apologized sincerely to Boo when the vet left the room for awhile (she forgave me instantly) for being a HORRIBLE, NEGLECTFUL, doggie-mommy.

On the bright side, I met several wonderful pet owners in the waiting room and practically could write their eulogies after spending so much time with them....

I packed up the crew and $128.00 later, we headed home, no worse for wear. Boo needs antibiotics and that's it aside from a 30 inch Elizabethan collar which is banging into every surface in the house. We'll be back next week for a follow up, another $100.00, and more exciting adventures from the vet waiting room.

Chalk up one small victory for single parenting and dog owning, although Boo might tell you otherwise.

The hammer's coming down... but first, tiny bubbles!

Tonight was total spa time... bath, lotion, conditioner, nails trimmed, ears cleaned, Charlie is smelling like green apples and ivory fresh!

Tomorrow, the hammer comes down and reality hits: the grandparents return home.

Stayed tuned for total chaos.