What Do You Think of My Dating Profile?

I need some opinions. Please have your hubbys' and boyfriends' input, if possible. I REALLY dislike having to "sell myself", it's so awkward and I'm never sure how much is too much and how much is not enough. Here's what I have up at the dating site I have picked. Please tell me if you think it's too something or other, too bragging, not strong in certain areas. Please be honest, I can take constructive criticism as long as it's in a spirit of being helpful.

It's quite long, but on the site it's divided into different sections, so a person would read the Profile Summary and then, if interested, click on other sections to read more.

I am a reformed adventurer and good with chopsticks.

Profile Summary:

Anyone want to take me out to dinner? I promise scintillating conversation and semi-decent manners. I can air drum with chopsticks something mean. :-) I could tell you all about traveling the world while I grew up: getting bitten by a tiger in India (ok, it was a cub, but still); spending prom night on top of the pyramids (ok, halfway up the pyramids we got busted by the police and had to bribe them); buying a monkey for a pet in the market in La Paz (my mom made me return it immediately); scuba diving off the Sinai... among other things. It was a different way to learn about the world and grow up. Somehow I ended up terrible in geography though.

I'm 38 now and have settled in the beautiful mountains of Western ******; ***** to be specific. One of the hippest places I've found on this earth. I started rescuing dogs after Hurricane Katrina and I do that as a hobby. Anyone who is seriously interested in spending time with me will have to have a high tolerance for furry wagging butts. Love me, love my dogs :-)

If you took me out to dinner, I would most likely do a lot of listening too. See, I'm a psychotherapist as my career, but I will try my best not to analyze you. Too much.

I'm very close with my family, but they live on the East Coast so I only get to see them a couple of times a year.

I open for friendship as well as dating. I'm not open for quick flings, that is just not who I am. As for who I'm looking for, you need to have some education under your belt (world or formal), some ambition, independence, compassion is a MUST, and have a full life! The bonuses would be a sense of humor, and a job. Hope to hear from you soon :-)

PS I love to read, so I need someone who can entertain themselves at times so I can indulge in one of my favorite things...

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What I’m doing with my life

I recently became a mother through adoption. My daughter is wonderful. She is smart, beautiful, and into everything. She's from Ethiopia, so I now belong to a trans-racial family.

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The first things people usually notice about me

My eyes probably.

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My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Books: I read a lot of books. I love reading about people and situations I would never be able to experience. For example, lately I've read a book on the "loves and lives" of two conjoined female twins in the 1800's; the autobiography of a 70's tennis star who went through a sex change operation; a biography of Eric Rudolph; and a memoir by a serial killer's daughter.

So if you ever want a list of interesting ones, let me know.

Food: I like Ethnic foods the most. Thai, Indian, Ethiopian, Mongolian. Not so much Japanese or Chinese though.

Music: Everything from Abba to Zappa. I still have a lot of vinyl. Bowie is a fave. So is Parliment/Funkadelic.

Movies: I went to film school before reality hit. I LOVE movies. I spend 4 days each year at the ***** Film Festival in heaven. The Deer Hunter is an all time fave, but there are so many others....

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The six things I could never do without

My dogs, my family, my super comfy bed, a library, netflix, daily massage. Oh wait. I don't have that last one at all. I guess I do without it, but I don't like it one bit.

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I spend a lot of time thinking about

animals suffering. It drives me crazy.

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On a typical Friday night I am

out with friends to dinner and movies, or hanging out at home. I don't do the bar thing.

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The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I sometimes get tired of taking care of the kid, the dogs, the clients, the house, the garden....

I'm looking for someone to ON OCCASION take care of me. But not all the time, I'm fiercely independent.

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You should message me if

after reading my profile you think we'd have an interesting conversation over dinner, you love animals and want them to be part of your next relationship, you are a kind and compassionate person. You can make me laugh.

Nom nom nom....

As soon as I walked into Charlie's daycare room I knew something was wrong. The assistant director and her teacher were kneeling near her chair, into which she was strapped (like a high chair).

She had a bad biting day.

The Assistant Director looked so forlorn.

She almost had tears in her eyes.

She said: 'We all love Charlie so much.... "

I asked Charlie why she does this and of course she can't answer. She knew she was in trouble and we were all concerned. She started crying in such a pitiful way, the kind of crying that is real, that has hiccups and trembling bottom lips being sucked in and out. The Assistant Director looked at her, then at me, shook her head and looked so sad.

She reiterated that an action plan will be started tomorrow. I asked what that was, exactly, and she said she didn't know, and the Director would explain (the Director is away this week).

I brought some ideas from the comments, like moving Charlie to a room with older kids. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELPFUL COMMENTS. We are also going to try an hourly behavioral chart for a week and see if there is any point to it, or if she is too young. Because although she is 18 months, she is very precocious and I think an hourly reward MIGHT be enough for her to pay attention. The Assistant Director listened and will bring all the ideas to the Director tomorrow. Tonight I will make a chart and I'll bring stickers and LifeSavers tomorrow as rewards.


The Assistant Director said she didn't know what was in an Action Plan because the school had never had to use one before. I replied: "Wow, Charlie is the WORST kid in the ENTIRE SCHOOL???"

And she said: "Isn't it funny, she's the one we love the most... I'm not suppose to have favorites, but she is definitely my favorite. She's Whitney and Gabby's (her teachers) favorite too."

I said:" Hmm... I guess some folks burn brightly at both ends, like an absent-minded genius or a depressed artist... Charlie is the most lovable biter."

They freed her from the chair, which is being used to hold her when they can't hold her hand or watch her closely. She ran into my arms and sobbed into my neck like her little heart was breaking.

My poor girl. She just doesn't understand what's she's doing wrong.

Biting. Again. And Again.

Charlie continues to bite at daycare.

They have started implementing an “action plan” which consists of writing her up whenever she does it “due to the length of time this behavior has been going on” and having me sign the paper when I pick her up. I fear this is the first step to kicking her out of school.

Other parts of the action plan include having her wear a teething ring on her wrist, having her wear a pacifier on her shirt and giving that to her when she bites (I doubt that will work… she has never had a pacifier and didn’t like it when I tried to switch her to one at 9 months).

The school is kind to me and explains in an understanding tone, but my anxiety shoots up anyway.

If I had to take her out of this school, I’d just have to put her in another… nothing much would change as far as her biting goes until she just grows out of it. So changing schools seems pointless for Charlie. I get the school’s point…. They can’t have kids being bitten frequently.

I don’t know what else to try. I have tried:

- giving her a daily morning reminder not to bite, and a daily verbal praise when I pick her up if she hasn’t bitten anyone all day

- sharply saying “no!’ when she bites me, and putting her in time out

- fake crying when she bites me to show her it hurts

- swatting her diapered bum once when she bit me so hard and it was an instinctive reaction to the pain. I also yelled out

- the school puts her in “cool down” (a version of time out) whenever she does it. They also tell her “no, that hurts” and make her hug the kid as an apology afterwards.

I have NOT tried:

- -biting her back. I hear mixed reviews of this. Some say it works instantly. Others say it’s hypocritical and abusive.

- - a behavioral chart. I wonder if she is too young to understand what that is…. Also, I’d have to get the school to do most of the rewards. She could get an M& M or sticker for every hour she doesn’t bite. It’s a lot of extra work for the staff and I wonder if they’d be willing to do it… Hmm… I think she just might "get it" if it was done on an hourly basis. A daily basis is too long for her age. I’m a total behaviorist as I know it works with the dogs and has worked in many ways with Charlie already… the chart would be a way to reward her when I’m not around. The punishment then becomes a lack of reward if she bites. No sticker.

The teachers say it happens at seemingly random times. Sometimes when she is wanting a toy. Sometimes when she is being affectionate. Sometimes there seems to be no precursor or reason.

Any advice moms? I’m at the end of my rope here. Between her illness and her biting, not a day goes by when I’m not tense and stressed out due to her. All the while, I’m falling deeply in love with her, which actually makes everything MORE important, urgent and all-consuming.

(Painting by Jon Baldwin)

A Week In Pictures

Ready for beach action.


Being courted by her cousins.


Queen of Sheba, life is tough...



With her aunt and cousin.



Modeling the latest in beach wear, including her Opa's hat.











An exhausted baby is an... eventually quiet baby.


Getting her hair done in braids. I've been told by several African American women that putting braids in her hair is "ghetto" and I shouldn't do it. But considering we were on an island and 90% of the female population had braids... Notice my sucked in cheekbones. I'm almost Kate Moss, huh?

Total strangers actually gathered to watch Charlie dance and take pictures of her. I kid you not. I've never seen anything like it. One man even told me "She's a rock star in the making". A male teen said: "She's the cutest baby I've ever seen." I cannot begin to describe the commotion she caused everywhere we went. It got to be a bit uncomfortable towards the end of the week, when women jabbering in strange languages came over and stroked her skin without asking and like they'd never seen black skin before. One couple stared at her so intently it was like they were checking out a strange animal at the zoo. Even upon returning to the States, when I thought life would go back to "normal", a man let me get ahead in the customs line (he let me cut about 50 people in line), and people were STILL ohh'ing and ahh'ing. I hope now that we are home things will settle down again.


One of Charlie's beautiful cousins, Zoe.


She had much fun with her grandparents too.


My angel.

Tootsies in the sand, drinks in hand.

We made it! I had to drive three hours on icy highways at dawn to Charlotte airport since my connection was cancelled due to snow, but we made it. I KNEW it wouldn't go smoothly... sometimes I have feelings about these things and it seems lately nothing is easy peasy anymore.... But we made it safe and sound and that's what matters most. he whole family, all 21 of us, made it safely and reunited on the beach.

Charlie is spending all day in the pool and ocean, and the water temps are nice and warm. She is getting SO MUCH attention, not just from family, but I have about 20 people a day (at LEAST) coming up and asking about her, where is she from, what's her name, etc. I'm not sure if folks think she's Haitian and I'm abducting her, or whether they are genuinely and positively curious. I'm going with the latter! Also, the staff here all say "hola" whenever they pass her, which they don't to the rest of us. She is like a little super star here. And Im not sure why exactly, except her cuteness, but that can't be all of it. It's a bit weird, and I'm glad she's not old enough to notice. She can just bask in the attention and not think it strange or different.

So now, in the interest of not wasting a minute of vacation time... I'm signing off. Pictures upon out return. Thanks to those who prayed for our safe arrival!

Life is So Full of Extremes.

Will tomorrow look like this.....



or like this?

Hmmm... I wonder.

Please pray for us! We are flying again! It's a risk we have to take in order to live full lives. We are so brave. Seriously.

Hopefully, God willing, I'll be back with another post in a week.

Pathetic Sick Pics

I promised some shots of Charlie in the hospital. Here's my poor baby in the cage-like crib.



Second day.


Infecting the playroom (before the dr told the nurses she was to be in isolation....mind you, this was hours before we were discharged and C had been all over that unit.)



Trapped! (Blood on her cheek is from the tape to hold the O2 on her face.)



Me, screwing around in the playroom. Did I mention I started seeing things out of the corners of my eyes from lack of sleep? Yup, real life hallucinations. So here you see my state of mind... I call it "precarious".



Home, Sweet home!




All better!

I Warned You...

This will not be a pleasant post to read. I'm pretty sure. Seeing as this blog has sort of become an online diary, I need to vent all the crap that has been happening since 2010 started. NOT a great year so far.

Be forewarned. If you wanted a nice uplifting post, go somewhere else today, you ain't gettin' it here. Sometimes a person needs to VENT. So allow me to vomit up my grievances and bad luck of 2010 SO FAR:

1) Spent 4 days with no heat or power, snowed in, with 10 matches to my name, with a 16 month old who needs constant stimulation. No TV, no Internet, no light after 4:30 PM. Almost lost my sanity.

2) Had several trees fall over in my yard and hit my house, one of which I had to saw down with a flimsy 10 inch hand saw.

3) Charlie got a fever on the ONE day a year I HAD to be at work, causing delayed inspections and much embarrassment for me.

4) Those inspections went horribly. Lots of stress, someone got fired, more work for everyone.

5) I crashed my car and have a $500.00 deductible.

6) Sometime after the car crash and before the hospital, I stepped on Charlie's toy truck with my right foot. This caused an impromptu meeting between the floor and my left knee, while my right foot shot out from under me and headed for the hills. I tore or pulled my thigh muscle and sat on the floor crying... thinking it couldn't get much worse. Little did I know. Then I got disgusted with my self-pity and hobbled on with the rest of my day.

7) Charlie got so sick we had to spend 2 nights in the hospital, with no sleep. See post below, but basically they couldn't find either a crib for her, or a monitor that worked. The monitor sounded a false alarm every 2 minutes that the staff ignored. They told us we couldn't turn off the machine even though it wasn't working, nor could they turn off the alarm so I could get some sleep.

8) While we were in the hospital, a nurse said I could go home and take care of my dogs (I wanted to put them in a kennel so I could focus solely on Charlie). Twenty minutes after I leave, my car starts making a LOUD FLUTTERING NOISE, like a huge metallic do-do birdattempting lift off... Apparently the mechanic did not quite fix my car ALL THE WAY.

9) Twenty-one minutes into my drive home, the nurse calls, exasperated: "I CAN'T sit here for an hour. You'll have to come back." Uhhh... thanks for nothing.

10) The mechanic is closed. The kennel is closed. Besides, I now have no time to do any of that because I have to return asap to the hospital. Can my car make it?? Who knows! Let's find out!

11) I return to the hospital and the bed they had given me and Charlie to sleep in (face to face, me breathing in her coughs) has been taken away. She is caged in a crib with high bars, almost to the ceiling. I guess when the head nurse needs to do work, they can find a crib in minutes, but when mom needs sleep and to not catch Charlie's illness, they cannot find one.

12) 9 AM Day 2 and I'm informed we are being discharged. Any minute now. Yay! 1 PM I'm still waiting.... Oh and by the way, we forgot to tell you but Charlie is on isolation precautions, so that time we let her walk the hallways and go in the playroom? Our mistake. Now she is feeling better and amped up on steroids, you'll have to stay in the room with her and occupy her until we let you go.

13) The nebulizer that Charlie probably doesn't need but was ordered for her anyway? The one that they are charging my insurance company $200.00 for? The NEW price? Is totally skanky, scratched up, stained, and the power switch goes on and off by itself. Insurance fraud? Hmm...

OK, that's not all, but that should do it. I left out some doggie vomit, doggie diarrhea, doggie eating books and nebulizer tubes (this morning, thank you Boo) stories out because I don't want to seem WHIIIIIIIIIINY.

I always end complaints with a statement of gratitude, like "I realize I'm not having an amputation in central park like people in Haiti, so I don't have much to complain about," and that is certainly true. To balance things out a bit:

1) Charlie is alive and without brain damage so thank GOD for that. (The Dr. said if I hadn't brought her in and her oxygen levels remained that low or fell more she could have had brain damage or died.)

2) No one was hurt in the car crash.

3) The fluttering do-do bird was fixed this morning for free.

4) Hospitals exist here and there was not much ice on the road when I had to travel there and back.

5) All the nurses except Head Nurse Ratched were exceptionally sweet.

6) The dogs survived 2 days alone and my neighbor was home and could let them out and feed them. They only ate one book and the rest of the house remains undamaged.

This time next week, we SHOULD be lounging on the beach in the Caribbean. IF our plane doesn't crash. The way this year has been, I think it's iffy.

We'll see.

But boy do I need that week of vacation. I need it REALLY bad. This single parenting thing is HARD HARD, HARD and that is with GOOD LUCK and with GOOD THINGS happening. When there is bad luck and bad things happening, it's close to impossible. Somehow I've made it through, but it often feels like I'm drowning. When the nurse called right after my car broke, on my home to care for the dogs, I really just felt like I was being punished. I tried to think of whether I've done something wrong lately that karma might be getting me back for, but I can't really think of anything THAT bad. I'm not perfect, but I'm not evil or anything. So why does this stuff keep happening? I need to catch a break here, God. Am I looking too much at the negative???? Does that attract this stuff??? Am I so tired that I lose my mindfulness so that I crash cars easier and step on toys while multi-tasking? Certainly my lack of focus had nothing to do with Charlie's hospitalization, or the nebulizer fraud or the car not being fixed properly the first time. WTF? God? Hello?

We Have Been Released!

Yay! We are going home! Thanks for all the comments (which I can't post from here but will once I get home) and for all the FB messages too. It definitely helped.

I will post pictures of my pathetic sick girl, and air my grievances in a later post. For now... Sleep.

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Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

Last night at 11PM she started laboring to breathe so hard that her skin was being sucked into her little ribcage and her temp was up to 103.
I decided to risk the ice and brought her to the ER. It's not whooping cough... They don't know what it is. Her oxygen was 83 upon arrival (they like over 90). She was transferred to the pedeatric unit at 3AM and is on oxygen and a nebulizer every 4 hours. She is miserable.
There are no cribs left so both of us are sharing a twin. She is pathetic. I almost cried seeing her with tubes. The Dr said I did the right thing bringing her in, and that we will have to stay for AT LEAST another night. Ugh. I'm beyond exhausted. Her monitor was broken and the alarm went off every 2 minutes from 3AM to 5AM. Then workmen came to fix it. Then breakfast arrived. Then vitals. Then another nebulizer treatment. Then she cried for awhile... It's 10AM and I'm going to TRY and see if she'll nap.
I'm super anxious about the dogs who need to be fed and let out. If they would let me leave here I could bring the dogs to a kennel... And pick up some toothpaste and jammies for us both. But they say they have no one to watch Charlie while I'm gone. Sigh. Single parenting rears it's ugly head again.
Pls send me comments to keep me occupied :-) I didn't even bring a book as I had no idea we'd be staying for days.

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Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

Last night at 11PM she started laboring to breathe so hard that her skin was being sucked into her little ribcage and her temp was up to 103.
I decided to risk the ice and brought her to the ER. It's not whooping cough... They don't know what it is. Her oxygen was 83 upon arrival (they like over 90). She was transferred to the pedeatric unit at 3AM and is on oxygen and a nebulizer every 4 hours. She is miserable.
There are no cribs left so both of us are sharing a twin. She is pathetic. I almost cried seeing her with tubes. The Dr said I did the right thing bringing her in, and that we will have to stay for AT LEAST another night. Ugh. I'm beyond exhausted. Her monitor was broken and the alarm went off every 2 minutes from 3AM to 5AM. Then workmen came to fix it. Then breakfast arrived. Then vitals. Then another nebulizer treatment. Then she cried for awhile... It's 10AM and I'm going to TRY and see if she'll nap.
I'm super anxious about the dogs who need to be fed and let out. If they would let me leave here I could bring the dogs to a kennel... And pick up some toothpaste and jammies for us both. But they say they have no one to watch Charlie while I'm gone. Sigh. Single parenting rears it's ugly head again.
Pls send me comments to keep me occupied :-) I didn't even bring a book as I had no idea we'd be staying for days.

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Chuckles Has The Whoop. I Think.

Two weeks ago I was informed by day care that they had a confirmed case of Whooping Cough. Charlie's been coughing a little here and there for awhile, but I thought we'd dodged the Whoop bullet since it had been so long. Well, this morning she woke up with a slight fever coughing non-stop, mucus running down her nose.... looks like all the symptoms. I looked it up online: turns out the incubation period is two weeks. Sigh....

She is so pathetic when she's sick. Clingy. Cuddly. Irritable. Snotty. Vulnerable.

I called the Dr and their parking lot is "a sheet of ice" so I'm not chancing it. One accident per winter is plenty, thank you. They are open tomorrow, we'll see if we can make it as more snow is predicted for tonight. So I'm staying home with her today.

I went through C's vaccination record and she did get TDAP when I brought her back to the U.S. I'm pretty sure that is the vaccine for Whooping Cough, but if any of you know better please let me know. I'm hoping because she got the vaccine that her case will be less than full blown. Reading the symptoms (vomiting from coughing so much, turning blue from lack of oxygen in the blood due to coughing so much, etc) I am REALLY hoping she doesn't have a full blown case.

There's something about a sick child that brings out the tender in me. Business stops. The laundry can wait. Chuckles needs a rocking. Chuckles needs to bury her hot face in my neck. And cough phlegm down my shirt. Priorities after all.

I remember times when I was little and was sick. My mom would comfort me and make me a special Polish treat for sore throats, tuck me in, check on me a lot. One awful part of being a single adult is the lack of mom when sick. It really sucks to be independent when one is feeling lousy. I hope to become a comforting memory for Charlie when she grows up.

HAIR! ..... Again.....

I LOVE doing Charlie's hair.

Unfortunately, she hates it.

I don't like torturing her, but I do love running my fingers through it. It's so thick and lustrous. I enjoy working conditioner into each last strand, taming the wild fray, twisting my fat uncoordinated fingers into learning how to do braids. It's kind of like having a live doll to practice on, something I never did as a child. I just wish she enjoyed it more. I do try and massage her scalp to make it more pleasurable for her, and I'm careful not to pull (but I'm sure an errant hair gets tweaked every once in awhile nevertheless). I've come up with several "original" 'do's, mainly because no one is teaching me so I'm inventing things as I go. Experimenting.

At first I was intimidated, having read how "difficult" it is to do black hair. But now I really enjoy the 20 minutes each morning. I enjoy it so much that sometimes, if Charlie is not too tired, I'll ask her to sit for another 20 at night so I can experiment.

Here is a lovely article from The Washington Post that my dad sent me awhile ago. I just got around to reading it. She describes the hair time as a bonding time between mother and daughter that she will greatly miss when her daughter grows up. I will too.

By Lonnae O'Neal Parker
Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Soon now, these days will be gone from me.

As I settle myself on the couch, my 11-year-old daughter, Savannah, brings me her hair basket: comb, water bottle, hair grease, barrettes. She plants herself on the floor, squarely between my knees, and I begin my work. There's the everyday hair-doing, but wash day takes more time, and slowly I separate the thick, kinky tangle growing from her head. I rub in a dollop of grease -- Kemi Oyl or root stimulator lotion, but mostly just dark blue Ultra Sheen (I like the standards) -- to make the hair obedient, and part it into sections, clipping each firmly to her head.

My hands are slower and gentler now than they were when she was younger and I was younger, with a career to chase, and an older daughter who had her own head of hair for me to do, and another baby yet to come.

Sometimes, if I was pressed for time, I could get by with a few surface brush strokes and a liberal application of gel to make the girls passably presentable, but it took 20 minutes of work to make them look special. Twenty minutes to make them feel pretty so that neighbors would comment on the straightness of their parts. Twenty minutes to be reassured that I'd sent my children into the world making clear that they were valued and loved. Twenty minutes. Every day. Minimum. Apiece."

Read the rest here.



This is a crazy lil 'do we call "the coolio".



This lasted a few seconds.... my attempt to keep her hair neat for the next day. HA! Not yet, I guess.

I forgot to put a title on this...

Thanks to the large response. I never thought I'd get so many comments on this... I guess folks are more interested than I thought about my dating. So I'm going with number 2, which won in a landslide. I'm also going to take the advice of several people and use a close up of just me for the profile and use the "pack picture" as a secondary. I agree I look frumpy. It was one of those last minute before my parents (the photographers) left, and I wasn't about to get all dressed up and put makeup on...

I have no other news, just trying to stay intact on the icy roads, so I will leave you with new (to me) Charlie pics.



Bathtime is a pack affair.



I guess the "frump" tends to be my look.
BTW, this is how I taught Charlie to say "please", like a lil monkey scratching her pits. Here she is saying "Pleeeeassssseee can I get back in the bath????"



Fun times!