I'm the only black person in my family

Sometimes I worry about these issues.

Things are pretty easy now, while Charlie is little and the bigger questions have not yet been realized.

But I think about her teenager-hood. How trying that time can be for every teen, let alone a trans-racially adopted one. When I mention my concerns, some people tell me I'll MAKE it an issue if I acknowledge it. If I ignore it, Charlie won't feel "out of place" being the only black person in our family. I don't think that's true. I think it IS an issue and if I DON'T acknowledge it I will not allow Charlie to feel safe enough to talk about it with me when it comes up. I think some people are still thinking color blindness is the way to go, but that discounts and un-validates the person of color's experience. It's easy to be color blind when you are white. You can go all month without thinking about it.

Try being color blind when you are black. Impossible. Where are the "black skin tone" band-aids? Did you get pulled over because you were speeding or because you are black? Did you get hired to fill a quota or because you were the best one for the job? Hundreds of reminders every day that you are not in the majority race.

I spent 4 years at a Master's level studying social work, oppression, racism.... I have read SO MUCH on this topic. In my everyday work I see the effects of racism all the time. For a white person who has not really studied these issues to tell me I should not "make it an issue" or I will "make it worse" is just not aware of what it's like to be a minority (not to mention insulting my education on the matter). Not that I am an expert on being black, obviously, being white and privileged, but at least I realize there is a deficit in my experience. I'm aware of institutional racism. I'm aware that growing up in a white family might really confuse a black person as far as their identity. I hope not, but at least I am aware that it MIGHT. I'm going to be watching and as ready as I can be for when Charlie has questions and feelings about this. I'm not going to pretend she is white and go about our lives as though nothing about her race would ever come up. Me asking Charlie her thoughts and feelings on this issue will not MAKE her have these issues. If I were not single, I would adopt another black child so Charlie could at least see her own skin tone around the table at family gatherings. (I would adopt again for other reasons as well, I'm just saying the child would be black for that reason.)

Here is a trailer of a movie at the Toronto film festival. If it comes to my area I so want to see it.



The official film description:

With white Jewish lesbians for parents and two adopted brothers — one mixed-race and one Korean—Brooklyn teen Avery grew up in a unique and loving Jewish household. But when her curiosity about her African-American roots grows, she decides to contact her birth mother. This choice propels Avery into her own complicated exploration of race, identity, and family that threatens to distance her from the parents she’s always known. She begins staying away from home, starts skipping school, and risks losing her shot at the college track career she had always dreamed of. But when Avery decides to pick up the pieces of her life and make sense of her identity, the results are inspiring. OFF AND RUNNING follows Avery to the brink of adulthood, exploring the strength of family bonds and the lengths people must go to become themselves.

Read more: http://ungratefullittlebastard.blogspot.com/#ixzz0Yv5pLhlT

Here is the film's official site.

Parents, how are you planning on handling these issues? Have you given it a lot of thought, or are you waiting for the day it comes up?

I would LOVE to post some comments from transracial adoptees who grew up in white families and how they felt about these issues. If any of you are reading, please comment and educate us.

Christmas Magic: Your kids will be mesmerized...

My cousin, Kiki, turned me on to this link. It's a video of Santa talking to your child. It's very personalized, from a picture of your child, to his/her positive achievements, gift wishes, location, hair color and name. So once you input all the info, it's pretty fun to watch! And best of all, it's 100% FREE!

Charlie watched her Santa video with excitement and I could feel her little heart beating under her shirt and see the wonder in her eyes. Even though she has no idea who Santa is, she knew enough to realize he is magic! I video taped her the second and third time she watched (I never remember to video the first time, ugh), and each time she was enthralled. Her little eyes were opened so wide!

Click here to watch the Santa video and see if you want to make one for your child. There are different age ranges: toddler, tween, good kid, bad kid, etc so you can pick your category (I wonder what the "bad kid" category is and if anyone actually picks that!)

I'm starting to "get" the Christmas awe that parents seem to have when watching their kids at this time of year. I didn't really, before. I mean, I knew intellectually that parents got a kick out of watching their kids open presents and get excited. But I didn't really understand in my heart, how it feels, when you see your kid's face lit up in delight, awe, joy. The first time Charlie watched the Santa video, I got a clue on how wonderful that feels.... to watch your child see Santa for the first time.

I haven't felt this excited for Christmas for years. Since I was little actually.


Then we opened the first day of the Advent calender and she was surprised and delighted there was a piece of chocolate behind the window. She wanted to open and close the window over and over.

What is your favorite part of the holidays, as far as watching your kids, that is?



PS Happy Birthday to my Aunt and Uncle. We love you lots!

My Fake Baby. Yikes!

Last night I had to make the oh-so-difficult decision between “Transgendered and Pregnant” and “My Fake Baby”. Do you ever have those kind of agonizing decisions to make? Well, I do, almost every night. Life is tough without Tivo.

After switching back and forth for a few minutes, the decision was made: “My Fake Baby.”

Have you SEEN this show??? It’s on the BBC channel. http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/336/index.jsp

It’s about women who collect the “reborn” babies, and treat them like real children. The “reborn” dolls look very life like, and some of them breathe, or wiggle. Some have beating hearts. All have tiny veins, soft angora hair, and incredibly baby-like skin (some are mottled, such as the newborns and some have that porcelain pore-less yet downy skin), all have the heft and weight of real babies. One of the womens' grandson had moved across the world and she was so stuck on him, so fixated, that she gave the doll maker pictures of him. On her “delivery day” (yes, they called it that), the day she picked up the doll, she said: “Now, nobody can ever take him away again.” She wrapped him up in blankies and tucked him safely into the car seat (a more expensive brand than mine, mind you, for an inanimate object) while driving off in tears of gratitude. It was sad how obsessed and hurt this woman was, but also highly creepy that a doll could replace her grandson.

Here is a clip

http://www.bbcamerica.com/video/bbca-reveals.jsp?bclid=22160557001&bctid=22212006001 you can watch.

One doll maker shows off her wares at this website http://www.sweetblessingsnursery.com/adoptedbabiesnursery1.htm. Check out how realistic the dolls look. Does anyone think Kennedy Rose is a little scary looking? One thing that creeps me out is that she has pages called “The Labor room” and “Adopted Babies Nursery”. She says “new mommies name the baby”. She writes “I have enjoyed receiving many sweet thank you’s and letters from the forever mummies that have adopted my babies.” It’s all over the top with not being in reality. I wonder if it psychologically hurts the women who buy these dolls as “replacements” for miscarriages or the death of a baby. I mean, it would kind of delay grief, wouldn’t it? If the woman is just collecting the way I collect books, that’s one thing… but to take these dolls out in strollers and bask in the attention of “being a new mom” (as Harry’s grand mom says) is weird. Isn’t it??? It goes without saying: THIS IS NOT ADOPTION. This is buying a doll. For exorbitant prices.

Amazing.

Human kind.

If you are interested in buying a reborn doll, or making your own, you can buy them on Ebay, or buy the kits to make them yourself from here http://reborn-dolls.myauctionlinks.com/?search=reborn+kit&ref=y

Which shows are your secret voyeuristic indulgences? Please tell me! I might be missing something good!

I can't believe it. Speechless.

Due to lack of time and news, I have nothing to report for today. So instead, check out some of the fun links on the right and waste some time. Orrrrrr, check out this CUTE CUTE CUTE adoption story!!! The pictures won't fit and I'm not sure how to get them to fit, so you'll have to use the link. Believe me, you won't be disappointed :-) especially those of you interested in adoptive breast feeding ;-)

Elmo dress

Here is Charlie in her Elmo dress, which I think is so cute.

Thank you Ebay! This dress was $0.25!

My one tip of the day for those of you who are waiting... when it comes time for showers, don't ask for any clothes. In fact, you might want to ask for diapers and wipes instead. You will get clothes, there is no need to buy them on Ebay or anywhere else! I had no idea and so I bought a bunch of Ebay clothes for very cheap a few weeks before travel (as the nesting/freak out instinct kicked in), and then received beautiful new clothes at my showers. Charlie has so many clothes I never have to do laundry if I don't want to. Of course, it's nice to have brand new clothes and some of them are so super cute I do put her in them for special occasions. On the other hand, I spend about $75.00 every 2 weeks on diapers and wipes. So if I had to do it over, I would register for diapers and wipes of all sizes! Or, if you are having more than one shower (like a friends and family one and then a work one) maybe ask for diapers and wipes to be the theme at one of them.

Just my little tip of the day.