Ethiopian adoption journey

Tinkle Tinkle

2010-06-02T20:58:00.002-04:00

Another update so soon?

Well, I don't time the cuteness. It happens when it happens.

This is how cute she is all the time, I just rarely get to catch it on video. But the time I pull the camera out, the moment has passed. This time I caught a lot of it. A benefit from having a video camera in one's phone.

Enjoy!

First Update!

2010-05-26T19:07:00.006-04:00

Mother's Day 2010

Hello World!
I guess it hasn't been THAT long, but Charlie has learned many, many new things so I thought I better update before I get behind. The BIGGEST news is that on Mother's Day, Charlie walked up to me, said "Potty, mama" and led me by the hand to the bathroom where she proceeded to POO AND PEE IN THE POTTY!!!! And she has done so almost everyday since then. She is pulling her undies up and down 20 times in a row during the potty experience and I swear this kid is ready for Pull-Ups at age 19 months! Genius, I swear.

Then tonight, after she pottied, I went to empty the potty and clean it. When I got back, she had pulled the door stop up to the sink to use as a step stool and was putting baby toothpaste on her baby toothbrush and trying to reach the water tap. Which she couldn't reach. Am I naive to be stunned???

Another example of her genius: Last night, while watching some cartoon, Charlie broke into song and dance. She knew the words to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" even though I've never taught her those lyrics. (Don't even know them all myself... err....) Ok, so she learned them in daycare. Still, it's impressive isn't it? That she would recognize the song and remember the words?

So of course I had to get it on tape.

And of course, the BEST characteristic Charlie owns is that of an industrious child laborer. Ok, that's not really funny. But this picture is.

Happy Memorial Day everybody.

Bye Blog World!

2010-04-17T09:22:00.008-04:00

Dear Readers,

I feel the time has come to end this blog. It makes me sad.

On the other hand, the story of the adoption journeys is complete. Charlie and my story is just beginning, but the adoption portion is done.

I’ve truly enjoyed writing on here almost every day, and getting feedback and comments has been my favorite part.

Lately though, I’ve been struggling to think of things to write about that would be interesting to my audience, an audience primarily interested in adoption. I’m not saying I won’t ever post pics of special occasions on here ever again, but I think it will be less of a daily thing and maybe more like once or twice a year, more just for a digital journal for myself to make sure I remember certain events.

I have always tended to jump into my hobbies 110% for about a year or two, and then my interest wanes and slowly I develop interest in a new hobby and that takes off. For example, I did mystery shopping for a year and a half, and that led into BookCrossing for another year, which then turned into blogging for a year and a half, and I’m not sure what the next thing will be…. Dating? Some hobbies are lifelong (reading, gardening, cooking) and others seem to come and go. I’m on to the next thing.

I’ll be leaving the blog up as long as I can, so that others can still peruse the useful topics and hints on the adoption process that I learned along the way. Use the topic guide on the right hand side to find issues you are interested in. I will still receive comments and red them of course, even on the oldest of posts. If you ever need to get in touch, use the comments box and I will respond.

Again, thank you for your support this past year and a half. It's been a comfort, a release, a guiding hand into this adoptive parenting experience. It's been invaluable. Thanks especially to all my loyal readers, Kiki, Dani, Opa and Babcia, Tante Laurie, Michelle, Nobody, Calmil, Missy, Joyce, J-Momma, Single PAP and all the rest of you. I know im leaving out a bunch of readers, apologies.

I’ll leave you with one last video of Charlie saying goodbye and then we will disappear into the Ethernet…. Bye all! I hope you live happily ever after and are successful in your adoption journeys!

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

2010-04-12T07:24:00.005-04:00

My aunt sent me the book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" and I'm a few chapters in. The book has created a firestorm of controvery and Ms. Gottlieb has been on several talk shows defending her position. The truth may set you free, but to be honest, it's depressing me. Here's why: It's actually a realistic look at finding a partner after 35 years old... She' not saying to "settle" as we know it, but to accept certain flaws because we too are flawed. To lessen our list of "must haves" and look for a "good husband" rather than "Prince Charming". That all sounds sane and I can agree with all of that.

Here's why it's depressing. The whole first part(and maybe the rest, I haven't gotten to it yet) she writes about the difficulty, near impossibility, of finding a "good enough" husband. Take this excerpt:

"Having a child in the house changes the specifics - you're never alone and in fact, you desperately crave some solitude - but the longing for an adult partner remains. When I decided to have a child, it had nothing to do with staving off loneliness. It had to do with hoping to find The One without the time pressure of a biological clock. If I was aware enough to know that a child would be no cure-all for a lack of male companionship, I truly believed, in an astoundingly naive way, that I could simply do things backward: child first, soul mate later. But as hard as it was to meet The One before I became a parent, I hadn't anticipated that once you have a baby alone, not only do you age about tn years in the first ten months, but if you don't have time to shower, eat, urinate in a timely manner, or even leave the house except for work, where you spend every waking moment that your child is at day care, there's very little chance that a man - much less The One - is going to knock on your door and join that party."

Sheesh! True!

I've join Eharmony and over the past two weekends sent the first communication out to over 40 men, and gotten 2 responses. That's fine. I only need one husband. But the numbers have definitely changed from when I was 20 and there were 200 unsolicited overtures in my mailbox. I think I have also been naive to think a man would want to join my party... My family thinks it's possible, because they know me and think I'm wonderful. (Thanks family!) But a man would have to be partially insane to willingly jump in my boat, I think. I saw this over the weekend when I brought Charlie and 2 dogs out to eat with a friend and her autistic son. It was a circus. The dogs escaped, the autistic son shrieked, Charlie flung tacos on the floor for the dogs to eat, I got wrapped up in leashes.... Several men walked by and chuckled, but didn't stop to chat, even though my friend made several opening remarks that could have been taken as invitations.

Ladies, we're screwed.

I'm not giving up. After all, I've already paid for 3 months and I'm nothing if not frugal. I would never waste that amount of money. But my sunny optimism has seriously clouded over. Gottlieb has burst my "Prince Charming" bubble. Maybe that's a good thing. We'll see.

Eyebrow Mayhem

2010-04-11T08:29:00.002-04:00

Another thing I've noticed about this getting older thing, other than some wrinkles appearing and the diminishing ability to read signs in the distance, is some craziness going on with my eyebrows. I thought the hair growth thing only happened to men. Huh.

Does this happened to you in the mornings?

What are some other signs of age I've got to look forward to?

Steroids and Sugar Daddies

2010-04-08T07:20:00.003-04:00

Last night Charlie couldn’t sleep. She’s hyped up on meds. She was bouncing in her crib like a baboon, with her whole body trampolining into the air, butt almost as high as her shoulders, nearly bouncing out of the crib. When I walked into her room, she’d start with the “huh huh huh huh huuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” which translates loosely into “pickmeuppickmeuppickmeup
pickmeuppickmeuppickmeuppppppppppppppppppppp!!!”

Steroids.

A mother’s worst enemy. And best friend.

I showed Charlie the boo-boo on my finger this morning and explained it was an “ouchie”. She frowned with concentration. “Boo…. boo?” she asked. “Yes, a boo-boo. See? When Mama kisses boo-boos, they feel all better” and I kissed my finger and then waggled it for her to see: “Alllll better!” She looked at me with one eyebrow lowered in suspicion, like she was saying: “What hoodoo voodoo doth you spouteth, Mother?? Do you seriously think I’m going to fall for that???”

When I pick Charlie up from daycare, there’s nothing better than seeing her hurl her little body in my direction, little chubby legs pumping fast to get to me for a bear hug. Huge smiles. But almost as soon as we reach the car, she is whining… sometimes already crying. She’s so tired. It makes the evenings difficult, to say the least. Some days it’s enough to rock her on the couch with a bottle, to have that down time to regenerate. We all need that, don’t we? But some nights even that doesn’t work, and she seems ready to go to bed by 6PM. Which we can’t do or she’ll be up at 3AM. Add steroids into this mix and it’s a moody disaster. I wish I could help her more, but these are long days that I have to work, to afford her daycare. As Charlie would say: “Dah-jeee, whey ahh ewww??” which translates literally into; “Sugar Daddy, where are you???”

What? Doesn't your kid say that?

;-)

Cheering My Old Ass Up

2010-04-07T08:01:00.001-04:00

Not much could make me giggle this morning, but this did, so I'm thankful.

I'm taking comfort in the fact that 40 is the new 25.

So there.

I Turn 40 Tomorrow

2010-04-06T09:21:00.002-04:00

"It's better than the alternative" is what everyone is telling me and that may be true but I'm not psyched about it.

That is all.

Mama Vs. Mommy

2010-04-05T07:26:00.003-04:00

I'm teaching Charlie to call me "Mama".

I like it better than "Mommy" for some reason, it sounds warmer to me.

It's more caveman.

More Elvis.

Sometimes I slip, because "Mommy" is what I grew up on, and it's hard to change these types of things mid-stream. She has an easier time saying "mama" anyway. It's such a perfect sounding word, coming out of her mouth, even when she is insistently, impatiently, screeching: 'Ma-maaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Ma-maaaaaaaaaa!" it always gets my response.

I'm curious, what do you like to be called and why?

Operating Instructions

2010-04-03T07:48:00.010-04:00

Another book review.

“Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year” by Anne Lamott (of Traveling Mercies fame)

I love this book and I’m only ¾’s of the way into it.

Oh, it has GEMS!

Bright sparkly GEMS all over!

Here is one I can relate to: “I have these secret pangs of shame about being single, like I wasn’t good enough to get a husband.”

Or how about: “ …one of the worst things about being a parent, for me, is the self-discovery, the being face to face with one’s secret insanity and brokenness and rage. I have always known, or at least believed, that way down deep, past being kind and religious and trying to take care of everyone, I was seething.” Wow-sa, does that hit home. Those sleepless nights when the baby is colicky and you think you could ram your head straight into a wall from desperation…

About a decade ago, I recall an astrologist doing my chart, he put my birth date, birth place, etc into a computer program, looked up at me and said: “You are completely unbalanced.” I said, “Tell me something I don’t already know.” He said, “You are unbalanced in that you take care of everyone and no one takes care of you.” At the time it was so true. I had a dog, two cats, a townhouse, 14 residents in a halfway house I was directing, and 13 staff members who were mostly looney-tunes themselves. Nowadays, take away 2 cats, replace them with 2 more dogs and a toddler, and I’m in the same position. Except with more responsibility, another house and 200 clients. I can feel rage bubbling up at any given moment, at the slightest provocation. On the other hand, I’m blessed with a great job, a loving family, good health and everything is fine. Go figure. Is every mother like this? Or just me and Anne Lamott??

And the way she describes the dichotomy of motherly emotions is FUNNY: “I wish he could take longer naps in the afternoon. He falls asleep and I feel I could die of love when I watch him, and I think to myself that he is what angels look like. Then I doze off, too, and it’s like heaven, but sometimes only twenty minutes later he wakes up and begins to make his gritchy rodent noises, scanning the room wildly. I look blearily over at him and think, with great hostility, Oh, God, he’s raising his loathsome reptilian head again.”

She confides about her fears about giving birth to a son, rather than the more familiar gender. She writes: “…of course I’m edgy about the whole thing, about having my child having a penis instead of a nice delicate little lamb of a vagina…” and goes on to describe in colorful language the assaults she has endured at the receiving end of penis’ (penii?). I also thought it would be impossible for my body to create a male. When I decided to adopt, it never occurred to me to ask for a boy. I thought I wouldn’t be able to love a boy… they are so different. So foreign. Now that I’m a mom, I realize I COULD love a boy, very much, but it didn’t seem that way during the imagining stage.

She writes about the pain her son will inevitably go through not having a father: “ I don’t have any idea what I will tell Sam when he is old enough to ask about his father. I’ll say that everyone doesn’t have something and that he doesn’t have this one thing, but that we have each other and that is a lot…” I can see myself saying something similar to Charlie.

To try and fill the gap of fatherlessness Anne is amassing a “tribe" to help take care of him, made up of family and friends. Asking for help no matter how difficult that can be. She has people stopping by every day, bringing groceries, cooking, doing laundry, babysitting, taking her son to the park. Jeez! I’m missing out! I’ve been taking care of Charlie 24/7 when not at work, except for when her grandparents visit. Reading that part motivated me to pick up the phone and call a mom I know and suggest we trade babysitting hours on the weekends, which she agreed would be a great idea.

It’s not often I find a book that is both motivating, relatable, AND funny, so I highly recommend this one for all new mothers and even old ones. The love she feels for her son absolutely comes through, this is not a “bashing motherhood” book. Just a realistic, no holds barred type of motherhood book. There’s a gem on every page, every few lines for Pete’s sake! Too many to transcribe here. Go out and buy this book. It would also make a great gift for any pregnant woman, especially singles.

How Do YOU Eat an Oreo Cookie??

2010-04-02T07:14:00.000-04:00

While I was making toffee, Charlie wanted to cook too. I put some cereal in a bowl and let her stir it around for a bit. Then gave her a cookie. What a mess! But lots of fun. I love her face when she hears the word "cookie". I remember how exciting that word was when I was little!

American Idol Jumps The Shark

2010-03-30T20:59:00.006-04:00

Is it me or is American Idol A.W.F.U.L this season??

I'm so disappointed!

I don't really like ANY of the contestants. Some of them are PAINFUL to watch and listen to.

Kara still annoys me with her lock-jaw, and Ellen is terrible! If she calls someone "adorable" again, I'll roll my eyes so high they may get stuck. Isn't that pretty condescending to call someone "adorable"? Over and over and over?? Ugh.

When I first heard Ellen was joining the team, I was excited and thought she was a great choice. But really, she's a terrible judge. Not that judging appears to take much insight really. "Flat." "Pitchy". "Wrong song choice". I mean, can't they come up with something else??

That Tim guy's smile is so forced and creepy... DeeDee is a fragile disaster... Lee is utterly forgettable, a cheap Springsteen wannabe... Andrew was AWFUL tonight. I can't believe the judges all loved him tonight. It was GOD AWFUL. The only one I like is Sioban and she is also getting predictable with that ending scream. As Simon said tonight "It's getting boring, Sioban." Oh, I also like Crystal Bowersox. Other than that they are all pretty terrible.

AI has really jumped the shark. I thought that might have happened when they added Kara, but now it's a definite with getting rid of Paula and adding Ellen. It had a good run, and I loved watching for the last 9 seasons. I'll still watch the rest of this season, out of loyalty and nothing else to watch on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. But I wouldn't be surprised if this is the final season. With Simon leaving it's really time to bury this show, unfortunately.

Sad.

The times they are a changin'.

I guess "X Factor" will be the new show to watch next season.

I made Charlie a toy

2010-03-30T07:45:00.000-04:00

While I was at the conference for work, the instructors encouraged us to listen while being creative, a way of learning called "kinesthetic" learning (as opposed to "auditory" or "visual" learning). Well, I don't know if I learned any better, but I had fun making this for Charlie. I won first prize for art made during the week!

My favorite part? The mole. Her mole is made out of one of the smaller sticky eyeballs that I dissected and took the pupil out. The earrings are made out of tiny candy they had sitting out in bowls.

Of course, Charlie won't be able to play with this, it's too delicate and has too many chokable parts, but it's a nice addition to her room. We need to find a good name for "it". Do you have any suggestions? We like Dr. Seuss type names, or anything off beat.

Al Bundy?

2010-03-29T07:50:00.000-04:00

The ultimate Sunday lounger.

Sometimes I amaze myself.

2010-03-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

In order to be a more "motherly-type" mom (rather than the super cool "rock n roll type mom I seem to naturally be)(that's a joke, folks), I decided to try and make candy. Well, also because it seemed fun, and a cheaper way to indulge myself than buying $14.00 boxes of English Toffee in Charleston. My mother told me it was really hard to make, to I entered into this endeavor holding my breath.

Guess what?

Easy peasy! And so delish!

I followed a combination of this recipe and added almonds inside the toffee and crushed walnuts on top of the exterior chocolate, the way I like it best.

Here's the process and how it turned out. Freaking faboosh!

Melting the butter and sugar:

Spreading the toffee on a cookie sheet after mixing in the almonds. Then smearing chocolate chips on top until they melt.

Final product with crushed walnuts on top:

Wowza, this is better than a Heath bar. This is better than what I bought in Charleston. This is candy crack. I need an intervention.

Mom, guess what you are getting for your birthday???

The Shrine Down the Hall

2010-03-27T09:45:00.001-04:00

This is haunting and worth your time to take a look.

It "brings the war home" in a way that most articles can't.

I can't imagine the pain these families are going through. To imagine one's child dying so young, and in such violent ways. I simply cannot put my brain around the thought of Charlie's soft body being blown to bits. I think I would absolutely wither if anything like that ever happened to her. War is beyond horrible. It's been 9 years. Too long. Let's bring our family members home. These photographs are a peaceful tribute to the pain left behind.

The one that gets to me the most is the one with the dog curled up on the bed, waiting...

Dedication

2010-03-25T07:43:00.004-04:00

I’d like to dedicate a full post to my wonderful parents, Charlie’s doting and loving grandparents, who drove 16 hours to babysit for her while I went away on my training for a week. I was able to get 30 CEU’s for my licenses, and have a nice break from diapers for 5 days, without paying anyone or worrying about Charlie’s care.

It’s also just so nice to be around them. When I got back on Friday, we spent time at a bar-b-que that weekend, and at a park, getting take out Thai food and seeing Avatar 3-D (which was AMAZING!! And that coming from someone who dislikes science fiction! Go see it in the theater! You will not regret it!) They always help me around the house. One of my birthday gifts was they hired gardeners to come and ready my garden for spring (a job I was dreading and seriously wondering how I would get done with Charlie to watch 24/7). My yard looks great! My mom is so thoughtful, she bought me pretty new towels to match my bathroom, which I would never do for myself. I would use the old ones until they fell apart. And she knows that. So now I have fluffy, soft, rose-colored towels to envelop me.

My dad replaced all the burnt out light bulbs in the house, including the fluorescent ones and the motion-detector ones, which require ladders and trips to the hardware store. Of course, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking are done. All three dogs are walked, one at a time, by my dad. It’s just so nice. Then they leave and it’s quiet, and the easy life is OVER. No more naps for me. The diapers are back with a vengeance. The adult conversation and companionship… poof! Gone! It’s amazing that these are the same parents I fought with constantly when I was a teenager: we get along well now for the most part and enjoy each other’s company. Boy, they sure have changed. ;-)

Thanks Mom and Dad! See you soon!

My Two Cents on Jesse James and His... Ahem..."Mistress" (that's putting it politely)

2010-03-23T22:25:00.004-04:00

Alright, so it's not like you haven't read, heard, watched a gazillion articles an interviews on this topic but I have a new beef to vent that I have yet to hear about this whole Sandra Bullock/Jesse James fiasco:

Who is the slime ball who held on to this news until AFTER she won the Oscar??? Was it In Touch magazine??? Or the Neo-Nazi home wrecker??? Because REALLY.... that is beyond cruel. This is supposed to be the happiest time of her life, a culmination of a lifetime of hard work, a celebration and recognition of her talent, and she has to deal with this???? A week after winning Best Actress??? Come on! This is just NOT FAIR.

And I really have the feeling that the reporter or the other woman held on to this news until just after the Oscars because that would sell many more papers. The affair had been going on for 8 or 9 months. There was no reason it couldn't come out sooner, except that some evil person waited to see if Sandra would win and used her win (and the affair scoop) to line their pockets. That is some conniving, ice cold behavior right there.

Despicable.

I really hate cheaters, but in this case I really hate whoever ruined her Oscar moment just as much as her slime ball husband. And to think she just thanked him publicly, in tears, saying no one had ever "had her back" the way he did. Ugh. What a jerk.

What is with these famous husbands?? Doesn't marriage mean ANYTHING anymore??

Ok, that's it, my two cents.

As you were.

I love, love love this blog, but love ain't enough.

2010-03-22T20:51:00.004-04:00

I want to share a gem of a blog I found recently, written by a trans racial adoptee named Kevin Hofmann called My Mind on Paper. It's not a view point that I come across very often: the male blogger, the trans racial adoptee, the talented writer, the adult adoptee who can express himself eloquently about all sorts of sensitive topics related to adoption. To find all the above in one person is quite a score! An he blogs! Double score. He takes on some serious topics with skill and talent, and is writing a book about being raised black in a white family. He is not the "angry adoptee" although he does not shrink from the issues either. I think this makes him so accessible to adoptive parents who might be offended or frightened of the "angry adoptee" stance which can come across as.... well... pissed off. (My take on the angry adoptee is that many should really be called the hurt adoptee, or the adoptee who's rights have been taken away.... rather than just labeling them "angry. But that is a whole other post for another day.)

Here is part of an article written by Kevin Hofmann. Check out his blog, parts are heart breakingly sad while others are so hopeful and uplifting. Here's a post entitled "Love Aint Enough". The title says it all, and is a striking rebuttal to the insistence that some families have that "as long as I love her, she'll be fine."

=============================================================

As she prepares her son for school, the mother peeps out the front window and watches the pregnant storm clouds flow across the dark sky. She checks the local weather report and her favorite weatherman says there is a 95% chance of a severe thunderstorm for the viewing area. He also states there is an 80% chance the rain will turn to hail.

The mother hugs her son as he walks out the door to begin his quarter mile trip to the bus stop. Her son seems out of place as he joins his friends who accompany him every morning to the bus stop. They all have on rain coats, hats, and are carrying umbrellas.

The mother decided not to prepare her son for the weather. Instead, she believes if I don’t fed in to the thought of bad weather it won’t happen.

*************************

I have written this blog several hundreds of times in my mind. I have wrestled with writing it or ignoring it and I have finally decided to address it.

My fear has been if I address this many will get frustrated and not return to my blog .

So up to this point I have been able to skate around it with the collateral damage being minor; minor for me.

Today, I received an email from a transracial adoptive mother asking me to write more specifically about what is necessary for white parents in raising black children.

I get this question a lot and have been answering it in the most politically correct way I know how. But my real answer is much more one sided. The short answer is, “love is not enough.”

I have found there are two schools of thought with transracial adoptive parents. One school says, “Color doesn’t matter, as long as we give them a loving place to live they will be ok.”

The other school says, “In today’s world, love isn’t enough. We must prepare them for the world we live in.”

I strongly side with the second group. It is important that children of color be prepared for the world they will live in and although love is important, it is not enough.

Often, I get the argument that racism still exists today because we allow it to. If you teach your children about racism and that they may be treated differently because they are of-color this is feeding in to racism and will only cause racism to grow.

This is like the mother who sent her child in to a hail storm with no protection because admitting there is a possibility that there will be a hail storm only causes the hail storm to be bigger.

Whether we want to admit it or not, racism exists and it is important you prepare your children for it. Ignoring racism in your household only makes it disappear in your household.

Once they step out in to the world, it is there whether it is in your face or behind your back.

So how do you prepare them?

Talk about the possibility of them being treated differently simply because they are black or of-color.

When do you talk to them about it?

Studies have shown children notice racial differences by ages three or four and have some type of racial encounter by age seven.

You can be the one who introduces this to them or you can let the world do it. You have more control over what gets heard and how it is presented if you do it.

A few weeks ago, I spoke to another transracial adoptee and she told me about her experience growing up. She lived in a rural area where she was one of the only blacks. They never talked about racism or being different in her house but when she went to school she was treated and felt different everyday.

One day she came home and poured several gallons of bleach into a bath tub and got in it. She said she was trying to bleach her skin so she could be more like everyone else around her.

Her parents were shocked when they found out what she did because she never said anything about how she was being treated or how she felt.

The collateral damage to me means nothing if I can prevent such a horrible experience from happening.

******************************************

After school the little boy returned home, soaking wet with bruises on his arms and head. Just as the weather man said it poured with golf ball-sized hail. The boy was angry at his mom for not preparing him for what could have happened, but he held no harsh feelings against the hail and rain that inflicted the damage.

================================================================

Go check out this one too, called "The Rules". I felt like crying for the little boy Kevin was. I hope Charlie will never experience anything like that, but the truth is, she probably will. It's my job to make sure she is ready for it.

Home Sweet Home

2010-03-20T09:38:00.000-04:00

I'm back at home and all is well in the world again.

Charlie gave me a enthusiastic greeting with lots of hugs and kisses, so I was happy with that :-)

I was wondering during the trip what would be signs of healthy attachment and what would be signs of not being attached....

If Charlie cried a lot while I was gone, is that a good sign or a bad sign? If she doesn't cry at all, does that mean she's not attached properly?

What ended up happening was she would cry for a little while after seeing me on Skype, but was easily distracted. She asked for me a few times, but didn't dissolve into paroxysms of grief.

My un-professional opinion is that is pretty healthy.

I think the week long experiment went well and I'll be confident to leave her in the future when I need to do work related trips. Luckily that is only once a year.

Do you leave your kids? For how long and how do they do with that?

Here is an ADORABLE adoption video.... for those who claim "adoption is unnatural". It may be "unnatural", but all kinds of species do it, so that kind of argues that it IS natural.

Botox

2010-03-18T07:38:00.004-04:00

Just a quick update since I need to run to class.

Charleston is a cute little city and our hotel is in the middle of hundreds of restaurants. I feel like all we've been doing (other than training) is eating. Everything is walking distance and we are smack in the middle of everything we need. The hotel is very nice, and the bed is unbelievable. I could stay in that bed for days.

I do miss Charlie, but not as much as some parents miss their kids. Not yet anyway (Day 3). I do find myself thinking about her at random times throughout the day, and last night at dinner I reviewed our phone call and her cute voice and got some pangs.

Apparently, she is not missing me too much either. Other than a couple of minutes of crying after we Skyped, she seems to be having a blast with her grandparents. We'll see as the week progresses. She did ask to call me last night. I don't want her to be sad, but I also really want to know she is attached and that I'm not just a "bottle machine" or diaper changer to her!

On another topic, I'm fascinate by this woman in my class who I think has either had plastic surgery or botox. She looks good, but slightly fake. I'm staring at my wrinkles in the hotel mirror here, with my 40th birthday fast approaching, and noticing all kinds of wrinkles that were not there last year. Losing weight is great, but it has ONE down side: wrinkles.

So this woman's skin looks translucent and completely wrinkle free. I checked her earlobes and there connect directly to her face. That means plastic surgery, right? I'm not sure she's had any, but I'm PRETTY sure. There's just something about her not quite right. Her skin is shiny.... it looks good though in a way.

I'm not sure I would ever get plastic surgery on my face... there's nothing worse than that pulled look that so many celebrities have (Burt Reynolds, Joan Rivers, to name two). But Botox? Hmmm... Would you ever get Botox? They are not sure what the long term effects are, I don't think. It's BOTULISM that is being INJECTED into YOUR FACE. How can that be safe??? On the other hand, so many people are doing it... I never thought I'd be so vain as to do something dangerous to look better. But then, I never had wrinkles before either.

Would you ever Botox your face? Why or why not?

Our First Time Apart

2010-03-15T10:31:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving this morning for a conference in Charleston with my favorite colleague so that should be loads of fun. During the day we will be in training for 8 hours, so that might not be a party, BUT, we are free at 5 PM to do whatever we want at night! And we get paid a certain amount for food and incidentals! Yay! Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company here we come!

This will be the first time since Charlie and I met that we will be apart. That first day, June 20, 9 months ago.... we have not been apart for a single night since then. I have left her all day at day care, and with family and babysitters for a few hours here and there. I wonder what it will feel like?

Will I miss her horribly or will I feel free and unencumbered?

And how will she feel? Her grandparents are on their way to babysit for a week. She loves them so much, I kind of doubt she will even notice I'm gone. When they are around, I'm definitely a "second class citizen" around here anyway ;-) I'm interested to see whether she will miss me or not. I kind of hope she doesn't, because I don't want this to be hard on her, but I kind of hope she does, because it would show attachment on her part. Also, who wants to be so replaceable?? Not me!

I'm bringing my computer so I can Skype if she wants to.

Thanks for watching her Opa and Babcia! Have fun!

Oh What A Letdown. And Up Swing.

2010-03-14T22:00:00.000-04:00

Charlie bit again today. TWICE.

One time she did it at the end of the day, moments before I picked her up, so I saw the immediate after effects and what was/was not done.

The new teacher was not there and the secondary teacher was putting ice on the child who was bitten. Charlie was not in time out, just wandering around.

So I put her in time out, gave her a stern talking to, and made her apologize to the girl she bit. I was not impressed with the "immediate" punishment, as there was none when I was watching. Maybe they need two teachers there to accomplish that, as obviously the hurt child needs immediate attention.

But that put me in such a disappointed state of being. After a week and a half of no biting.... I hope this is not Charlie becoming more comfortable in her new class. I knew it was too good to be true... to go from biting 5-6 times a day to zero. The director said: "Oh well, you can expect some back sliding" as though it wasn't a huge deal. But I know my daughter. This is her being stubborn either when the disciplinarian is out of the room, or because no one was watching and she thought she could get away with it. I'm afraid she's back to biting and now she will get kicked out.

I'm sure most of you are thinking, well, good, she shouldn't be in a school with that racist teacher, but A) see last post about whether the teacher is a racist or ignorant and B) this is the most diverse school in my town. Every 3rd family walking down the hall is trans racial. Her class is a toddler-UN. And it's a mile from my house. And it's the most affordable (all the other day cares are at least $100 more per month). And they serve breakfast, lunch and snack and none of the other day cares serve any food, I'd have to buy it (more $) and pack it daily (more time). So I REALLY REALLY want C to stay in this school!!!

On a more positive note, tonight Charlie dropped her baba and milk spilled. As I was getting a rag to clean it up, she pulled the rag from my hands and RAN to the spill. SHE CLEANED IT UP HERSELF. An 18 month old. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? I NEVER TAUGHT HER THIS! WHAT A GOOD GIRL!! The PRIDE I felt watching her... took my breath away!!! OMG she is a roller coaster ride of emotions this little one.

In order to catch it on video, I had to spill more milk, so now she thinks it's a game.... yea, I'm not thrilled about that but who cares if she cleans it up herself?

So in one day the disappointment, fear, and powerlessness meets pride, joy and warmth. All from two little behaviors.

Hair-Gate 2010

2010-03-12T07:29:00.004-05:00

I’ve made a decision on “hair-gate ‘10”. I’m not going to say a word to the teacher or the director.

It probably won’t be a popular decision. It might look like I chickened out. In a way I did. In a way, I didn’t.

See, I’m not your average “non-confrontative” person. In fact, I’ve been known to perhaps, at times, get up in people’s faces and let them know exactly how I feel about things. I’ve lost friends because of this, because of not backing down, or feeling I was right and they were wrong. I’m no door mat. My first instinct is to fight for what is just, that is why I spent 4 years in grad school and my career being a social worker. But I’m not going to address the issue with her new teacher and here’s why:

This teacher has access and influence over my most precious *possession* (I don’t own her but can’t think of the correct term here). She can smush Charlie like a bug, on a daily basis, and leave no physical marks. She could belittle her, ignore her, pinch her, or worse, for 9 hours a day and I might never know. She has way too much power in this situation for me to rock the boat. Do I think she would do those things? Of course not! If I did, Charlie wouldn’t be enrolled in school there. But she COULD if she wanted. She has unlimited ACCESS. She could just play favorites and damage Charlie’s self-esteem or other little twisted mind games. She could do those things if she was mad at me or resentful.

I also don’t think that the teacher took her hair bands out for a malicious reason. Yes, she’s ignorant of African American culture. Yes, she’s ignorant of how long it takes to do Charlie’s hair and the pride I take and the love I put into it. But I do not think she was thinking anything like: ”Here’s a black child and I don’t like black people and so I’m going to take her elastics out.” She was most likely annoyed that some of them were breaking, maybe concerned over kids eating them, maybe in a crappy mood and short tempered. It’s passive racism, the same way CVS not having black skin toned band-aids is systemic racism. Still hurtful. Still no excuse for. But I don't think it came form a deliberate place to hurt us.

So, weighing the possible good that can come from this, versus the possible repercussions, I'm not going to address it. What I will do is, over the next few weeks and months, educate her on Charlie's hair process. I will mention plenty of times how long C sat for her hair last night, or ask her, "What do you think of C's awesome braids? I did them myself! See how much work went into each one?" and slowly teach her.

I’m going to buy the stronger elastics and see what happens.

If she does anything like this again, I will definitely go to the director.

And I will be watching VERY CLOSELY for ANY racist overtones coming from her.

I'm on guard.

GRRRR.

Some Things Make Everything Alright Again

2010-03-11T07:33:00.001-05:00

Tonight, as I lay Charlie down in her crib, and handed her a ba-ba, she said in her cute baby voice: "Tank chew, mama, nite nite" and the annoyances of the day melted away as I stood there with my ice cold heart melting rapidly.

" I love you, Sweetie, very much" I said.

"Lub chew, mama, nite nite."

"Night night baby girl."

Is this Hair Racism??

2010-03-10T18:04:00.007-05:00

See post below for details in case you missed the originating post. Here are a couple of my responses to comments:

Kiki, I checked the handbook after you suggested it. It has stuff about keeping fingernails short, but nothing about hair or hair accessorizing.

In response to your lovely long comment (thank you you obviously thought a lot about it) I, too, would be thrilled if someone DID C's hair nicely. In this case though, I did her hair, and someone UNDID it. Without asking. I do think it's slightly racist, maybe not purposefully, but lordy if black kids have to go through this everywhere they go to school, it does seem mighty exclusionary. Also, everyone KNEW she was a white teacher and I never mentioned her color. They just knew a black teacher wouldn't dare undo C's hair which takes a lot of work to do.

But Kik, imagine if you spent an hour on Ola's hair, and did intricate braids, and then when you picked her up, they were all undone.... How would you feel? Then add in that the teacher's a different race, the majority race...

I did ask the director about the little rubber bands and she said they were fine.

Michelle, I did not talk to the teacher this morning because there were other people in the room and I didn't quite know how to approach it... I had imagined she would be alone like usual, not with some other parents in there. That threw me for a loop and I chickened out. Maybe tomorrow. I need to get my momma bear hackles up and protect my baby, or at least inquire politely about WHY she took them out.

I was thinking today, maybe she took them out and the teacher who sometimes does C's hair was going to put in the better kind of elastics that that don't break as easily, but ran out of time? That would have been fine with me. It just didn't feel like that was the case though....( because of the main teacher's attitude the day before about having to pick up pieces of elastic.)

So far, I have been lucky. Even though I live in "the South", I have not experienced any overt racism towards C. Not that I noticed anyway. I hate to think this was our first experience of it, because I was so proud of our little city. But I suppose *they* are everywhere, North, South, East and West. And *they* are ugly everywhere.

Camil2, I have given two of the African American teachers permission to do C's hair. They do a great job, but they only do her hair when I have left it in an Afro. They have never UNDONE something I did (even if I did a poor job). They just plain know better. This DID remind me of the teacher who cut off that girl's braid, although this is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as that. If she had done that, I would have been calling the news stations.

One of my regular readers, who was in ET with me picking up her son, wrote me an email (which I didn't ask permission to post) but basically the first sentence was that this teacher is racist and the reader obviously felt very strongly about it. That was her first reaction reading what happened.

Thanks for all the input. I'm glad I wasn't off base to be irked by this. For a second there, I second guessed myself and thought I was irritated by my work day (which I was) and that I was over blowing the hair thing. Your comments let me know I was on track to feel angry and offended. And I did originally write that she was a white teacher, and then decided I should erase that, as possibly offensive on my part, like I would be starting something by hinting at racism. But since all the commentators knew she was white anyway, I do think that proves if not racism, at the LEAST a cultural ignorance.

I'm in a BADDDDDD Mood.

2010-03-09T17:25:00.006-05:00

GRRRRR.

Stay outta my way!

I'm cranky, angry. If I could, I would take the world by the scruff of it's neck and SHAKE IT. GRRRR!!!! I would lift my lips and show my sparkling canines and tell the world to eff off.

Which is better than being sad and depressed, but not much.

I don't like Charlie's new teacher. There I said it. Chances she will read this are about one in..... how many blogs are there? A zillion?

She is not warm like Whitney was. She is snotty and has no sense of humor. Although, it appears that C has stopped biting, so I should be grateful for that. And I am. i just wish she was fun and friendly.

When Charlie came home from vacation with beads, she complained to the director that the beads were a choking hazard. Whitney denied this and told me not to take them out until I was ready to take them out. The beads were small, and had large holes in them. Whitney said the state classes she took expressly said they were not chocking hazards and were part of the African American culture.

Ok, whatev. I took them out when they were ready to come out. Only then did the director tell me what the new teacher said about them. I didn't argue I just ok, we won't put beads in her hair again. I asked if the little rubber bands were ok, and the director said yes, "if the kids eat them they'll pass right through."

So yesterday I spent an hour braiding her hair. When I picked her up, her new teacher commented that the elastic bands break. "I found pieces of them all over the floor." She didn't say I shouldn't use them, but she had an annoyed attitude. I counted how many were off: 4. Four rubber bands the size of a dime. "All over the floor"??? Riiiight.

I guess she expected me to undo all the braids that night. Right away. Well, I didn't. I had a hundred other things to do than RE-DO my daughter's hair that I had already spent a lot of time on and gotten express permission from the director to use those rubber bands.

Today when I picked her up, ALL the rubber bands were off. About 20 of them. The teacher wasn't there, she was in someone else's classroom. Am I wrong to be pissed she took them out??? Without asking me??? All that work gone! I bet if she ever had to do braids on a 18 month old she wouldn't have DARED take them out knowing the ~~torture~~ ~~work~~ invigorating challenge that is braids.

So, if I'm not allowed to put in beads, and I'm not allowed to put in rubber bands, how exactly does she expect me to do Charlie's hair? An afro every day???

Doing her hair is part of our bonding time, it's time when I get to take care of her. I enjoy experimenting and learning new ways of doing her hair. I do not want to do an afro everyday.

An afro is for when we don't have time, when we're "uninspired", when we're "lazy", or just to give her hair a break and be totally natural. I like to make her look special and like I cared about her hair.

That's not really why I'm angry though. That's peanuts compared to what REALLY pissed me off. It's work stuff.

Ok, so to counter balance my negativity:
1) I'm grateful Charlie stopped biting in her new classroom.
2) I'm grateful I have a well paid job that is quite secure.

Sometimes I just need to vent and spewing this stuff out into the universe via Internet is strangely satisfying.

Thanks for listening.

Who do you hate today?

SuperStah!

2010-03-09T07:10:00.002-05:00

I keep expecting her to get down on one knee with her arms in the air and say: "SuperStah!"

This was on our vacation, in the "Kiddie Disco".

Pain in the Butt Tax Info for You

2010-03-07T09:28:00.004-05:00

I spent most of this glorious weekend inside working on my taxes, which this year are HIDEOUSLY complicated.

I did get outside with Charlie and two dogs and we frolicked in the park for awhile so that was nice. Also tried out the new Thai restaurant A MILE AWAY, which is pretty good!

But back to taxes. maybe I'll save you some of my headache.

I got the taxes done, but not having a SS # for Charlie yet, I put her Permanent Resident # into tall those spaces and claimed her as a dependent, took the Adoption Credit, and took the Dependent Care deduction.

Got ALL my taxes back! Woo Hoo!

Efiled.

Within minutes it came back as rejected.

Here's the part you NEED TO KNOW IF YOUR CHILD DOESN'T HAVE A SS# YET:

You need to go here: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/fw7a.pdf and fill out this form to get a temporary tax identification number, WHICH CAN TAKE 8 WEEKS to get. SO don't wait until you are doing your taxes to do this. WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY TELL YOU THIS STUFF AHEAD OF TIME?????

So now I have to figure out how to file an extension, when I already submitted the tax paperwork. Turbo Tax doesn't help much with these situations. It gets stuck in an endless loop. I'll probably just have to print it all out and snail mail it. Which is ok, just... I thought I was done :-(

I am in the process of getting her SS#, but the re-adoption took a lot longer than expected, and I'm still waiting on the state to send something or other before I can apply for her SS#. No way would all this get done before taxes are due.

Dr. Seuss's Birthday Celebration!

2010-03-05T18:41:00.007-05:00

Charlie's daycare celebrates birthdays the same way I do: all week long!

This week was Dr. Seuss's birthday. What an fabulous children's author. I love all his work. My all time favorite is "Yertle the Turtle", mainly becasue I love his name. "Yertle". It just makes my tongue giddy.

Monday was "Crazy Hat" day.
Tuesday was "Crazy Shoes" day
Wednesday was "Crazy Hair" day
Today was "Pajama" Day.

Due to biting stress and stress from missing work due to snow again, I totally forgot about the first 3 days. To make up for it, yesterday I helped Charlie dress in all of the above: crazy hat, shoes and hair.

Here she is "dressing herself". She can put on shirts and pants on her own, and is working on shoes.

Here is her "crazy hair" which was just taking her braids out.

Here is her total outfit, with hat and sparkly ruby boots.

Here she is after sneaking into my drawers and stealing a Dali T-shirt and putting it on all by herself.

The most excellent news, that I'm scared to write about for fear of jinxing it, it that she has gone ALL WEEK without biting! She was switched into a slightly older class with slightly stricter teachers (I think) and it stopped. I am bringing her a Lifesaver everyday so she does get a reward, but no chart. The Director ended up nixing the chart, not because she thought it wouldn't work, but because she thought the teachers couldn't be consistent enough (with 12 kids to a class, I understand). Anyway, whatever works is FINE.

Another achievement? She COVERED HER COUGH today. I'm amazed at all these seemingly small things she picks up on. Wow. Blown away.

And here she is playing a game we call "Hoarders". Ahem.
(Yes, that's my bra on top. C STILL is enamored of breasts and everything to do with them. She calls them "bay-bees".)

Who is your favorite Seuss character? Or book?

Almost peed my pants laughing. (Almost, I said!)

2010-03-05T07:32:00.002-05:00

OMG....

Next on list to get: trampoline. Can you IMAGINE my three behemoths on one of these?

Trampoline Dog - watch more funny videos

Hilarious :-)

"Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother"

2010-03-03T09:15:00.001-05:00

I finished "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother" during my vacation and wanted to review it here. On Amazon, it has some quite polarized reviews. People seem to either love it or hate it. I loved it. Despite a few sentiments I COMPLETELY disagreed with. Some agencies are recommending it for pre-adoption study.

The opening premise:

"The process of adopting a child pushes your personal envelope as a woman, as a mother, and ultimately, as a human being. It takes more courage than you think you have, offers more self-knowledge than you think you want, and reassembles your characteristics into something familiar but changed. It took me a lot longer to become a mother than it did to adopt a baby."

That last sentence rings so true. All of it does really.

I went through this book highlighting passages that struck me as insightful, honest, or funny. Despite the seriousness of the topic, Wolff is able to handle some issues with humor. The second chapter is sub-titled "What If We Get A Dud?" and addresses the (I believe universal) fear that one won't like the looks/personality/spirit of the child referred to you. As she puts it: "Meeting your adoptive baby is like being set up on a blind date with someone who will consume your next eighteen years." Scary stuff. Terrifying.

Yet we do it. Some of us.

When I think about all the things that could have gone wrong, from the process and paperwork and country laws, to the child's health or personality... well, it's overwhelming. I must have been INSANE. What was I thinking??? That I could trust an agency to pick out a child across the world that would be a good fit for me and my family???? That's insane! They don't even pick according to temperament (like you might when adopting a pet)... it's just whoever is the right age and next in line. INSANE.

Then she writes a... strong?....horrible?.... honest? letter to her son's birth mother. It includes sentences like:"I know I should be really grateful to you, but I don't feel very grateful about having to beg a complete stranger for her baby when I really want my own." Woah. That I don't agree with. Adoption was my first choice though, I guess it wasn't her first choice and it shows throughout the book unfortunately. The letter continues: "If you don't feel qualified to be a parent yourself, how are you going to decide whether we are qualified? What kind of person would get herself knocked up by a guy who runs away when he hears the news? Haven't you heard of birth control? Of AIDS? Of abortion?... I don't want my kid to be someone's mistake." Yowzaa.... HARSH!

Some of her secret thoughts are more like wishes: "I..secretly wished to be treated with the kindness and special attention bestowed on many pregnant women."

I, too, wished for that. I remember being trounced by a particularly rule-abiding citizen on a online forum. I had written in a celebratory tone that I had used the "Expectant Mother" parking spot in a near empty parking lot in front of Babies 'R Us. She blasted me for that. I remember thinking: "She has no idea what this is like... because if she did, she would have a smidge of compassion and rejoice with me." That there are no physical signs that motherhood was around the corner. As Wolff puts it: "Motherhood was both imminent and elusive... It was very strange and disconcerting to be an instantaneous parent. I may have had a lot of emotional catching up to do, but I had no free time in which to do it." (And I'll add no free energy with which to do it, either.)

One sentence that struck me like a slap across the face was about how adoption "is no one's first choice". It was mine. I can see how if you are struggling with infertility, it might not be your first choice, but using words like "no one" 'never' "always" sets you up to be very wrong, and to offend people in the process. I get what she was saying, but it's not true. I know one adoptee at work, who is glad she was taken away fro her birth mother. it was an abusive situation. So she might also say that adoption was her first choice. There are too many different situations to make sweeping statements like that. but I'm not going to let one sentence put me off a whole book, so I kept reading and I'm glad I did.

The chapters are only a couple of pages and it's a quick read. Even so, there is plenty packed in there to keep you thinking, and learning. Each chapter had me gasping, thinking, laughing, or relating. I recommend the book.

Want to Save $4000.00 on Your Adoption???

2010-03-01T18:04:00.003-05:00

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, but you know how it goes…. The power goes out for 4 days, you crash your car, the baby’s in the hospital, the beach is calling…life happens.

I wanted to alert everyone to a way to save $2000.00 on their adoption paperwork. No one told me about this, I discovered it myself. Read on, there's also a chance to save double that.

When you have picked up your child and you are back in the states, the time has come to “re-adopt” your child. Yes, she is already legally yours, but the adoption agencies recommend re-adopting her in your state in order to get a new birth certificate with her American name on it, and also allow her to get a Social Security number and then a US passport. If you don’t re-adopt, she will remain a “permanent resident” which is fine, but she’s not a US Citizen with all the rights that come along with that. So it’s worth the additional paperwork HEADACHE.

HOWEVER.

My agency wanted to charge me $2000.00 to “do the re-adoption paperwork”. I asked what was involved in that and received a LONG email back with all kinds of mentions of forms and this and that. The explanation was so convoluted it made it seem like it would just be SO MUCH EASIER to just write out a check for two thou and be done with it. My dad looked into it a bit and found out that for $200.00 I could do all the paperwork myself, submit it to the clerk of court in my county, and get a home study assigned to me. The clerk of court (who was also the adoptions judge in our case) files the paperwork, and puts out a COURT ORDER for the Division of Social Services to send a Social Worker to do a home study. Thus forcing DSS to send a Social Worker to do this home study job for $200 (as opposed to the $1500-$2000 the agency’s home studies cost!!!). The judge has ordered that it be done within 60 days and it was done on the 59th day. People don't want to mess around with a court order.

This post may be a little confusing, I apologize for that.... I was confused going through the process… Eventually, I found myself sitting with a DSS contracted social worker going over the same questions that the agency social worker had asked me a year ago for my pre-placement home study. Déjà vu, just lots cheaper. It kind of pissed me off, actually, that my agency would inflate the rates 100% for this service. Really. Jeez.

Also, apparently it only costs $200 for a home study. I didn’t know that before going through this. It possible that I might have been able to hire this same DSS social worker on a private basis to do my pre-placement study and saved ANOTHER $1500-$2000!

Another way I saved some cash was I asked the DSS social worker to do my POST-PLACEMENT 3 month report. Basically, she took a few paragraphs from the home study she was writing, slapped on a letter head, and called it a post placement report. For free. My agency wanted me to hire their social worker for another $1000 to do the 3 month post placement report. And the 6 month post placement.

So by discovering this DSS social worker, and doing the re-adoption myself, I have saved $2000.00 for the re-adoption paperwork, and $1000 for the 3 month post placement report and $1000 for the 6 month post placement report. $4000 bucks total.

Just thought I’d share :-) Hope some folks will find this helpful and frugal.

What Do You Think of My Dating Profile?

2010-02-27T12:30:00.002-05:00

I need some opinions. Please have your hubbys' and boyfriends' input, if possible. I REALLY dislike having to "sell myself", it's so awkward and I'm never sure how much is too much and how much is not enough. Here's what I have up at the dating site I have picked. Please tell me if you think it's too something or other, too bragging, not strong in certain areas. Please be honest, I can take constructive criticism as long as it's in a spirit of being helpful.

It's quite long, but on the site it's divided into different sections, so a person would read the Profile Summary and then, if interested, click on other sections to read more.

I am a reformed adventurer and good with chopsticks.

Profile Summary:

Anyone want to take me out to dinner? I promise scintillating conversation and semi-decent manners. I can air drum with chopsticks something mean. :-) I could tell you all about traveling the world while I grew up: getting bitten by a tiger in India (ok, it was a cub, but still); spending prom night on top of the pyramids (ok, halfway up the pyramids we got busted by the police and had to bribe them); buying a monkey for a pet in the market in La Paz (my mom made me return it immediately); scuba diving off the Sinai... among other things. It was a different way to learn about the world and grow up. Somehow I ended up terrible in geography though.

I'm 38 now and have settled in the beautiful mountains of Western ******; ***** to be specific. One of the hippest places I've found on this earth. I started rescuing dogs after Hurricane Katrina and I do that as a hobby. Anyone who is seriously interested in spending time with me will have to have a high tolerance for furry wagging butts. Love me, love my dogs :-)

If you took me out to dinner, I would most likely do a lot of listening too. See, I'm a psychotherapist as my career, but I will try my best not to analyze you. Too much.

I'm very close with my family, but they live on the East Coast so I only get to see them a couple of times a year.

I open for friendship as well as dating. I'm not open for quick flings, that is just not who I am. As for who I'm looking for, you need to have some education under your belt (world or formal), some ambition, independence, compassion is a MUST, and have a full life! The bonuses would be a sense of humor, and a job. Hope to hear from you soon :-)

PS I love to read, so I need someone who can entertain themselves at times so I can indulge in one of my favorite things...

What I’m doing with my life

I recently became a mother through adoption. My daughter is wonderful. She is smart, beautiful, and into everything. She's from Ethiopia, so I now belong to a trans-racial family.

The first things people usually notice about me

My eyes probably.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Books: I read a lot of books. I love reading about people and situations I would never be able to experience. For example, lately I've read a book on the "loves and lives" of two conjoined female twins in the 1800's; the autobiography of a 70's tennis star who went through a sex change operation; a biography of Eric Rudolph; and a memoir by a serial killer's daughter.

So if you ever want a list of interesting ones, let me know.

Food: I like Ethnic foods the most. Thai, Indian, Ethiopian, Mongolian. Not so much Japanese or Chinese though.

Music: Everything from Abba to Zappa. I still have a lot of vinyl. Bowie is a fave. So is Parliment/Funkadelic.

Movies: I went to film school before reality hit. I LOVE movies. I spend 4 days each year at the ***** Film Festival in heaven. The Deer Hunter is an all time fave, but there are so many others....

The six things I could never do without

My dogs, my family, my super comfy bed, a library, netflix, daily massage. Oh wait. I don't have that last one at all. I guess I do without it, but I don't like it one bit.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

animals suffering. It drives me crazy.

On a typical Friday night I am

out with friends to dinner and movies, or hanging out at home. I don't do the bar thing.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I sometimes get tired of taking care of the kid, the dogs, the clients, the house, the garden....

I'm looking for someone to ON OCCASION take care of me. But not all the time, I'm fiercely independent.

You should message me if

after reading my profile you think we'd have an interesting conversation over dinner, you love animals and want them to be part of your next relationship, you are a kind and compassionate person. You can make me laugh.

Nom nom nom....

2010-02-25T18:14:00.004-05:00

As soon as I walked into Charlie's daycare room I knew something was wrong. The assistant director and her teacher were kneeling near her chair, into which she was strapped (like a high chair).

She had a bad biting day.

The Assistant Director looked so forlorn.

She almost had tears in her eyes.

She said: 'We all love Charlie so much.... "

I asked Charlie why she does this and of course she can't answer. She knew she was in trouble and we were all concerned. She started crying in such a pitiful way, the kind of crying that is real, that has hiccups and trembling bottom lips being sucked in and out. The Assistant Director looked at her, then at me, shook her head and looked so sad.

She reiterated that an action plan will be started tomorrow. I asked what that was, exactly, and she said she didn't know, and the Director would explain (the Director is away this week).

I brought some ideas from the comments, like moving Charlie to a room with older kids. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELPFUL COMMENTS. We are also going to try an hourly behavioral chart for a week and see if there is any point to it, or if she is too young. Because although she is 18 months, she is very precocious and I think an hourly reward MIGHT be enough for her to pay attention. The Assistant Director listened and will bring all the ideas to the Director tomorrow. Tonight I will make a chart and I'll bring stickers and LifeSavers tomorrow as rewards.

The Assistant Director said she didn't know what was in an Action Plan because the school had never had to use one before. I replied: "Wow, Charlie is the WORST kid in the ENTIRE SCHOOL???"

And she said: "Isn't it funny, she's the one we love the most... I'm not suppose to have favorites, but she is definitely my favorite. She's Whitney and Gabby's (her teachers) favorite too."

I said:" Hmm... I guess some folks burn brightly at both ends, like an absent-minded genius or a depressed artist... Charlie is the most lovable biter."

They freed her from the chair, which is being used to hold her when they can't hold her hand or watch her closely. She ran into my arms and sobbed into my neck like her little heart was breaking.

My poor girl. She just doesn't understand what's she's doing wrong.

Biting. Again. And Again.

2010-02-24T18:12:00.004-05:00

Charlie continues to bite at daycare.

They have started implementing an “action plan” which consists of writing her up whenever she does it “due to the length of time this behavior has been going on” and having me sign the paper when I pick her up. I fear this is the first step to kicking her out of school.

Other parts of the action plan include having her wear a teething ring on her wrist, having her wear a pacifier on her shirt and giving that to her when she bites (I doubt that will work… she has never had a pacifier and didn’t like it when I tried to switch her to one at 9 months).

The school is kind to me and explains in an understanding tone, but my anxiety shoots up anyway.

If I had to take her out of this school, I’d just have to put her in another… nothing much would change as far as her biting goes until she just grows out of it. So changing schools seems pointless for Charlie. I get the school’s point…. They can’t have kids being bitten frequently.

I don’t know what else to try. I have tried:

- giving her a daily morning reminder not to bite, and a daily verbal praise when I pick her up if she hasn’t bitten anyone all day

- sharply saying “no!’ when she bites me, and putting her in time out

- fake crying when she bites me to show her it hurts

- swatting her diapered bum once when she bit me so hard and it was an instinctive reaction to the pain. I also yelled out

- the school puts her in “cool down” (a version of time out) whenever she does it. They also tell her “no, that hurts” and make her hug the kid as an apology afterwards.

I have NOT tried:

- -biting her back. I hear mixed reviews of this. Some say it works instantly. Others say it’s hypocritical and abusive.

- - a behavioral chart. I wonder if she is too young to understand what that is…. Also, I’d have to get the school to do most of the rewards. She could get an M& M or sticker for every hour she doesn’t bite. It’s a lot of extra work for the staff and I wonder if they’d be willing to do it… Hmm… I think she just might "get it" if it was done on an hourly basis. A daily basis is too long for her age. I’m a total behaviorist as I know it works with the dogs and has worked in many ways with Charlie already… the chart would be a way to reward her when I’m not around. The punishment then becomes a lack of reward if she bites. No sticker.

The teachers say it happens at seemingly random times. Sometimes when she is wanting a toy. Sometimes when she is being affectionate. Sometimes there seems to be no precursor or reason.

Any advice moms? I’m at the end of my rope here. Between her illness and her biting, not a day goes by when I’m not tense and stressed out due to her. All the while, I’m falling deeply in love with her, which actually makes everything MORE important, urgent and all-consuming.

(Painting by Jon Baldwin)

A Week In Pictures

2010-02-21T15:55:00.006-05:00

Ready for beach action.

Being courted by her cousins.

Queen of Sheba, life is tough...

With her aunt and cousin.

Modeling the latest in beach wear, including her Opa's hat.

An exhausted baby is an... eventually quiet baby.

Getting her hair done in braids. I've been told by several African American women that putting braids in her hair is "ghetto" and I shouldn't do it. But considering we were on an island and 90% of the female population had braids... Notice my sucked in cheekbones. I'm almost Kate Moss, huh?

Total strangers actually gathered to watch Charlie dance and take pictures of her. I kid you not. I've never seen anything like it. One man even told me "She's a rock star in the making". A male teen said: "She's the cutest baby I've ever seen." I cannot begin to describe the commotion she caused everywhere we went. It got to be a bit uncomfortable towards the end of the week, when women jabbering in strange languages came over and stroked her skin without asking and like they'd never seen black skin before. One couple stared at her so intently it was like they were checking out a strange animal at the zoo. Even upon returning to the States, when I thought life would go back to "normal", a man let me get ahead in the customs line (he let me cut about 50 people in line), and people were STILL ohh'ing and ahh'ing. I hope now that we are home things will settle down again.

One of Charlie's beautiful cousins, Zoe.

She had much fun with her grandparents too.

My angel.

Tootsies in the sand, drinks in hand.

2010-02-15T17:26:00.003-05:00

We made it! I had to drive three hours on icy highways at dawn to Charlotte airport since my connection was cancelled due to snow, but we made it. I KNEW it wouldn't go smoothly... sometimes I have feelings about these things and it seems lately nothing is easy peasy anymore.... But we made it safe and sound and that's what matters most. he whole family, all 21 of us, made it safely and reunited on the beach.

Charlie is spending all day in the pool and ocean, and the water temps are nice and warm. She is getting SO MUCH attention, not just from family, but I have about 20 people a day (at LEAST) coming up and asking about her, where is she from, what's her name, etc. I'm not sure if folks think she's Haitian and I'm abducting her, or whether they are genuinely and positively curious. I'm going with the latter! Also, the staff here all say "hola" whenever they pass her, which they don't to the rest of us. She is like a little super star here. And Im not sure why exactly, except her cuteness, but that can't be all of it. It's a bit weird, and I'm glad she's not old enough to notice. She can just bask in the attention and not think it strange or different.

So now, in the interest of not wasting a minute of vacation time... I'm signing off. Pictures upon out return. Thanks to those who prayed for our safe arrival!

Life is So Full of Extremes.

2010-02-12T06:33:00.003-05:00

Will tomorrow look like this.....

or like this?

Hmmm... I wonder.

Please pray for us! We are flying again! It's a risk we have to take in order to live full lives. We are so brave. Seriously.

Hopefully, God willing, I'll be back with another post in a week.

Pathetic Sick Pics

2010-02-09T07:21:00.000-05:00

I promised some shots of Charlie in the hospital. Here's my poor baby in the cage-like crib.

Second day.

Infecting the playroom (before the dr told the nurses she was to be in isolation....mind you, this was hours before we were discharged and C had been all over that unit.)

Trapped! (Blood on her cheek is from the tape to hold the O2 on her face.)

Me, screwing around in the playroom. Did I mention I started seeing things out of the corners of my eyes from lack of sleep? Yup, real life hallucinations. So here you see my state of mind... I call it "precarious".

Home, Sweet home!

All better!

I Warned You...

2010-02-08T11:30:00.006-05:00

This will not be a pleasant post to read. I'm pretty sure. Seeing as this blog has sort of become an online diary, I need to vent all the crap that has been happening since 2010 started. NOT a great year so far.

Be forewarned. If you wanted a nice uplifting post, go somewhere else today, you ain't gettin' it here. Sometimes a person needs to VENT. So allow me to vomit up my grievances and bad luck of 2010 SO FAR:

1) Spent 4 days with no heat or power, snowed in, with 10 matches to my name, with a 16 month old who needs constant stimulation. No TV, no Internet, no light after 4:30 PM. Almost lost my sanity.

2) Had several trees fall over in my yard and hit my house, one of which I had to saw down with a flimsy 10 inch hand saw.

3) Charlie got a fever on the ONE day a year I HAD to be at work, causing delayed inspections and much embarrassment for me.

4) Those inspections went horribly. Lots of stress, someone got fired, more work for everyone.

5) I crashed my car and have a $500.00 deductible.

6) Sometime after the car crash and before the hospital, I stepped on Charlie's toy truck with my right foot. This caused an impromptu meeting between the floor and my left knee, while my right foot shot out from under me and headed for the hills. I tore or pulled my thigh muscle and sat on the floor crying... thinking it couldn't get much worse. Little did I know. Then I got disgusted with my self-pity and hobbled on with the rest of my day.

7) Charlie got so sick we had to spend 2 nights in the hospital, with no sleep. See post below, but basically they couldn't find either a crib for her, or a monitor that worked. The monitor sounded a false alarm every 2 minutes that the staff ignored. They told us we couldn't turn off the machine even though it wasn't working, nor could they turn off the alarm so I could get some sleep.

8) While we were in the hospital, a nurse said I could go home and take care of my dogs (I wanted to put them in a kennel so I could focus solely on Charlie). Twenty minutes after I leave, my car starts making a LOUD FLUTTERING NOISE, like a huge metallic do-do birdattempting lift off... Apparently the mechanic did not quite fix my car ALL THE WAY.

9) Twenty-one minutes into my drive home, the nurse calls, exasperated: "I CAN'T sit here for an hour. You'll have to come back." Uhhh... thanks for nothing.

10) The mechanic is closed. The kennel is closed. Besides, I now have no time to do any of that because I have to return asap to the hospital. Can my car make it?? Who knows! Let's find out!

11) I return to the hospital and the bed they had given me and Charlie to sleep in (face to face, me breathing in her coughs) has been taken away. She is caged in a crib with high bars, almost to the ceiling. I guess when the head nurse needs to do work, they can find a crib in minutes, but when mom needs sleep and to not catch Charlie's illness, they cannot find one.

12) 9 AM Day 2 and I'm informed we are being discharged. Any minute now. Yay! 1 PM I'm still waiting.... Oh and by the way, we forgot to tell you but Charlie is on isolation precautions, so that time we let her walk the hallways and go in the playroom? Our mistake. Now she is feeling better and amped up on steroids, you'll have to stay in the room with her and occupy her until we let you go.

13) The nebulizer that Charlie probably doesn't need but was ordered for her anyway? The one that they are charging my insurance company $200.00 for? The NEW price? Is totally skanky, scratched up, stained, and the power switch goes on and off by itself. Insurance fraud? Hmm...

OK, that's not all, but that should do it. I left out some doggie vomit, doggie diarrhea, doggie eating books and nebulizer tubes (this morning, thank you Boo) stories out because I don't want to seem WHIIIIIIIIIINY.

I always end complaints with a statement of gratitude, like "I realize I'm not having an amputation in central park like people in Haiti, so I don't have much to complain about," and that is certainly true. To balance things out a bit:

1) Charlie is alive and without brain damage so thank GOD for that. (The Dr. said if I hadn't brought her in and her oxygen levels remained that low or fell more she could have had brain damage or died.)

2) No one was hurt in the car crash.

3) The fluttering do-do bird was fixed this morning for free.

4) Hospitals exist here and there was not much ice on the road when I had to travel there and back.

5) All the nurses except Head Nurse Ratched were exceptionally sweet.

6) The dogs survived 2 days alone and my neighbor was home and could let them out and feed them. They only ate one book and the rest of the house remains undamaged.

This time next week, we SHOULD be lounging on the beach in the Caribbean. IF our plane doesn't crash. The way this year has been, I think it's iffy.

We'll see.

But boy do I need that week of vacation. I need it REALLY bad. This single parenting thing is HARD HARD, HARD and that is with GOOD LUCK and with GOOD THINGS happening. When there is bad luck and bad things happening, it's close to impossible. Somehow I've made it through, but it often feels like I'm drowning. When the nurse called right after my car broke, on my home to care for the dogs, I really just felt like I was being punished. I tried to think of whether I've done something wrong lately that karma might be getting me back for, but I can't really think of anything THAT bad. I'm not perfect, but I'm not evil or anything. So why does this stuff keep happening? I need to catch a break here, God. Am I looking too much at the negative???? Does that attract this stuff??? Am I so tired that I lose my mindfulness so that I crash cars easier and step on toys while multi-tasking? Certainly my lack of focus had nothing to do with Charlie's hospitalization, or the nebulizer fraud or the car not being fixed properly the first time. WTF? God? Hello?

We Have Been Released!

2010-02-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

Yay! We are going home! Thanks for all the comments (which I can't post from here but will once I get home) and for all the FB messages too. It definitely helped.

I will post pictures of my pathetic sick girl, and air my grievances in a later post. For now... Sleep.

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Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

2010-02-06T10:31:00.001-05:00

Last night at 11PM she started laboring to breathe so hard that her skin was being sucked into her little ribcage and her temp was up to 103.
I decided to risk the ice and brought her to the ER. It's not whooping cough... They don't know what it is. Her oxygen was 83 upon arrival (they like over 90). She was transferred to the pedeatric unit at 3AM and is on oxygen and a nebulizer every 4 hours. She is miserable.
There are no cribs left so both of us are sharing a twin. She is pathetic. I almost cried seeing her with tubes. The Dr said I did the right thing bringing her in, and that we will have to stay for AT LEAST another night. Ugh. I'm beyond exhausted. Her monitor was broken and the alarm went off every 2 minutes from 3AM to 5AM. Then workmen came to fix it. Then breakfast arrived. Then vitals. Then another nebulizer treatment. Then she cried for awhile... It's 10AM and I'm going to TRY and see if she'll nap.
I'm super anxious about the dogs who need to be fed and let out. If they would let me leave here I could bring the dogs to a kennel... And pick up some toothpaste and jammies for us both. But they say they have no one to watch Charlie while I'm gone. Sigh. Single parenting rears it's ugly head again.
Pls send me comments to keep me occupied :-) I didn't even bring a book as I had no idea we'd be staying for days.

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Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

2010-02-06T10:28:00.000-05:00

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Chuckles Has The Whoop. I Think.

2010-02-05T10:02:00.004-05:00

Two weeks ago I was informed by day care that they had a confirmed case of Whooping Cough. Charlie's been coughing a little here and there for awhile, but I thought we'd dodged the Whoop bullet since it had been so long. Well, this morning she woke up with a slight fever coughing non-stop, mucus running down her nose.... looks like all the symptoms. I looked it up online: turns out the incubation period is two weeks. Sigh....

She is so pathetic when she's sick. Clingy. Cuddly. Irritable. Snotty. Vulnerable.

I called the Dr and their parking lot is "a sheet of ice" so I'm not chancing it. One accident per winter is plenty, thank you. They are open tomorrow, we'll see if we can make it as more snow is predicted for tonight. So I'm staying home with her today.

I went through C's vaccination record and she did get TDAP when I brought her back to the U.S. I'm pretty sure that is the vaccine for Whooping Cough, but if any of you know better please let me know. I'm hoping because she got the vaccine that her case will be less than full blown. Reading the symptoms (vomiting from coughing so much, turning blue from lack of oxygen in the blood due to coughing so much, etc) I am REALLY hoping she doesn't have a full blown case.

There's something about a sick child that brings out the tender in me. Business stops. The laundry can wait. Chuckles needs a rocking. Chuckles needs to bury her hot face in my neck. And cough phlegm down my shirt. Priorities after all.

I remember times when I was little and was sick. My mom would comfort me and make me a special Polish treat for sore throats, tuck me in, check on me a lot. One awful part of being a single adult is the lack of mom when sick. It really sucks to be independent when one is feeling lousy. I hope to become a comforting memory for Charlie when she grows up.

HAIR! ..... Again.....

2010-02-04T07:42:00.007-05:00

I LOVE doing Charlie's hair.

Unfortunately, she hates it.

I don't like torturing her, but I do love running my fingers through it. It's so thick and lustrous. I enjoy working conditioner into each last strand, taming the wild fray, twisting my fat uncoordinated fingers into learning how to do braids. It's kind of like having a live doll to practice on, something I never did as a child. I just wish she enjoyed it more. I do try and massage her scalp to make it more pleasurable for her, and I'm careful not to pull (but I'm sure an errant hair gets tweaked every once in awhile nevertheless). I've come up with several "original" 'do's, mainly because no one is teaching me so I'm inventing things as I go. Experimenting.

At first I was intimidated, having read how "difficult" it is to do black hair. But now I really enjoy the 20 minutes each morning. I enjoy it so much that sometimes, if Charlie is not too tired, I'll ask her to sit for another 20 at night so I can experiment.

Here is a lovely article from The Washington Post that my dad sent me awhile ago. I just got around to reading it. She describes the hair time as a bonding time between mother and daughter that she will greatly miss when her daughter grows up. I will too.

By Lonnae O'Neal Parker
Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Soon now, these days will be gone from me.

As I settle myself on the couch, my 11-year-old daughter, Savannah, brings me her hair basket: comb, water bottle, hair grease, barrettes. She plants herself on the floor, squarely between my knees, and I begin my work. There's the everyday hair-doing, but wash day takes more time, and slowly I separate the thick, kinky tangle growing from her head. I rub in a dollop of grease -- Kemi Oyl or root stimulator lotion, but mostly just dark blue Ultra Sheen (I like the standards) -- to make the hair obedient, and part it into sections, clipping each firmly to her head.

My hands are slower and gentler now than they were when she was younger and I was younger, with a career to chase, and an older daughter who had her own head of hair for me to do, and another baby yet to come.

Sometimes, if I was pressed for time, I could get by with a few surface brush strokes and a liberal application of gel to make the girls passably presentable, but it took 20 minutes of work to make them look special. Twenty minutes to make them feel pretty so that neighbors would comment on the straightness of their parts. Twenty minutes to be reassured that I'd sent my children into the world making clear that they were valued and loved. Twenty minutes. Every day. Minimum. Apiece."

Read the rest here.

This is a crazy lil 'do we call "the coolio".

This lasted a few seconds.... my attempt to keep her hair neat for the next day. HA! Not yet, I guess.

I forgot to put a title on this...

2010-02-03T07:59:00.007-05:00

Thanks to the large response. I never thought I'd get so many comments on this... I guess folks are more interested than I thought about my dating. So I'm going with number 2, which won in a landslide. I'm also going to take the advice of several people and use a close up of just me for the profile and use the "pack picture" as a secondary. I agree I look frumpy. It was one of those last minute before my parents (the photographers) left, and I wasn't about to get all dressed up and put makeup on...

I have no other news, just trying to stay intact on the icy roads, so I will leave you with new (to me) Charlie pics.

Bathtime is a pack affair.

I guess the "frump" tends to be my look.
BTW, this is how I taught Charlie to say "please", like a lil monkey scratching her pits. Here she is saying "Pleeeeassssseee can I get back in the bath????"

Fun times!

Which picture should I use?

2010-01-30T13:17:00.004-05:00

Ok, here's the background:

I have done online dating several times. Each time, I get discouraged after awhile becasue of the plethora of inappropriate responses. Either they seem like nice guys but I'm not interested, or they are perverts ("I'd like to rub my mandingo all over your body". Huh. Sure fella, that sounds like a great idea. Call me.)

In order to cut out the riff-raff, my family had the idea that I should post a picture of me, WITH Charlie, WITH the three dogs in the hopes that guys who wanted a one night stand would run to the hills as soon as they saw that. Theorectically, this type of picture would only attract responsible men who were compassionate, looking for a serious relationship, and slightly crazy but in a good way (like me).

So here are three pictures, which one do you think is better? I kind of like the eyes shut one, because it's sweet and heartfelt, and all three dogs look like they MIGHT listen to me on occasion. But then you can't see my eyes which are my best feature (imo). What do you ladies think? Can you get your hubbies and boyfriends over to the monitor and ask them?

What do you think about the whole idea of cutting out the riff-raff and showing the level of responsibility needed to be in a serious relationship with me? Good idea or too scary for the potential partner?

Here We Go Again... in more ways than one.

2010-01-29T21:44:00.006-05:00

It's 10 PM and I just shoveled 7 inches of snow off the driveway. I'm scared of waiting until the morning when it will be a colossal 14 to 16 inches. And I believe I'm living in The South. Yea....

Last month my mini-pines and bushes did not fare well (they look like God split them in half with a karate chop) due to the weight of the snow, so I also brushed them clean. I have about 40 bushes, so it's quite a job. I was unable to move the next morning when I did this last month... let's see if my body is in better shape tomorrow. Knocking the snow off the tall bushes is kind of fun work, like beating a rug but instead of dirty dust sparkly white flakes shimmer in the street light. Sometimes a short branch "domino effects" a tall branch and unexpectedly dumps a handful of snow down my collar, which cools me right down. Good times :-) Wish you were here.

Actually, this weekend will probably be the weekend I start the great "hunt for a partner". Being snowbound and all, there is no longer any excuse to procrastinate.

Maybe next winter I'll actually have someone around to share this heavy load. Stay tuned for an interactive post where you'll get to vote on my profile picture that I'll post on the dating website.

Stay warm and safe all of you in the path of this storm!

Besotted

2010-01-27T07:34:00.004-05:00

Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities so that we can be friends. ~Allan Frome

I find it somewhat amusing that my mother (heretofore known as “Babcia”, the Polish word for “grandma”) is so completely besotted by Charlie that she is blind to any faults or less than perfect moments Charlie may have.

I’m wondering if most grandmothers are like that… or grandparents.Or perhaps it's just with the first grandchild?

Am I supposed to be like that? As Charlie’s mother? I know I’m supposed to be biased towards thinking she is wonderful, and I am and I do. But I’m not "blind" to her challenging moments.

The other day we were at Wal-Mart and Charlie had not had her nap. For the most part she was patient and good, but she had a meltdown in the cashier line. When we got home, Babcia described her behavior as “angelic. She was a perfect little angel. And without any nap too, can you believe it?”

Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself: “Hmmm. Did I IMAGINE that shrieking, stiff-backed, head fling that caught me in the nose??? Nope… nose still sore… it happened….”

Or yesterday, when we were going through the toddler book, and Babcia was convinced my 16 month old was way ahead of her peers: “Charlie is at a 20 month level. She is sooo precocious!” I note that yes, she is very verbal and stringing along up to 3 words on a good day. But she is also not doing everything listed at the 17 month level, her next bench mark. Which is fine. There’s no hurry. Not a race.

The video of Charlie saying “thank you” is a good example of what I’m talking about… In the video, Charlie absolutely does NOT say “thank you” the first time, but Babcia hears “thank you, Babcia, for that succulent tangerine segment” quite clearly. Her Opa (grandfather) is also convinced she is a little genius. Which is cute.

And probably true ;-)

Are the grandparents in your family like that?

At What Point Do you Let Your Kids Fall?

2010-01-24T09:41:00.006-05:00

Ok, I'm donating $250.00 to Haitian animal relief. I didn't get anywhere near enough comments to reach my limit and I'm too impatient to wait for them either! Probably would never get that many anyway. I'm sure the animals don't want me to wait for comments either, really. So I'll get the money there today and move on blog-wise.

On to the next topic:

Charlie is climbing the furniture, like any good tomboy would.

At which point do I let her go for it?

How high before I take her down?

If she falls from one foot, it's probably a "lesson". If she falls from three feet, it's more of a danger. Is there a certain height where you as the parent draw the line? Or do you just not let them climb at all? I wish there was a guide that told you "anything over 1.5 feet the risk of breaking her neck overrides the benefits of learning about pain" but so far I have not found any studies like that. Well, I haven't really looked for them either ;-) That's what you guys are for.

She is 16 months and pretty agile, but still trips on occasion when running. She's all about getting higher and higher right now.

Do you let your kids fall? What about at the playground/jungle gym? When do you swoop in and rescue them? This is probably a question that will continue to arise throughout her childhood, and possibly adulthood, where I have to ask myself if I'm being too over-protective, or giving her enough independence to learn her own lessons....

Ugh. This parenthood thing. Why is EVERY decision so fraught with long term implications???

Help Me Help Haitian Hurt Animals. With Update

2010-01-21T20:36:00.006-05:00

UPDATE #2: I am nowhere near my limit. I will keep this post open until I get closer to my limit, or pass my limit. Please help spread the word. As the human aid starts to filter in and help, soon the animal aid will be ready to deploy.

UPDATE: I will now donate $1.00 per comment. Originally, I was worried this post might "go viral" as I saw other donation blog posts doing, but it's going slowly so I can afford to up my donation per comment.

For every comment posted on this entry, I will donate $0.25 to International Fund For Animal Welfare. I looked them up on CharityNavigator.com and they rate well. I've seen some other blogs doing this for human aid to Haiti, and they got thousands of comments. I highly doubt that will happen here, as I'm not that popular of a blog... but I'm curious to see how many I can get. I also have been wanting to donate since the earthquake, so this can be a way to determine how much to give.

When I traveled to New Orleans, a month after Katrina, the people were all gone and the streets were empty... but behind locked doors were starving pets, underneath houses were hurt dogs, scared cats, carcasses.... It was awful and it seemed like the aid was only going to humans. Let's not forget there are other souls suffering. So AFTER we take care of the people please, let's not forget to help those hurt animals.

As printed on the Animal Rescue Site (please go there and click on their link daily):

"As is always the case with disasters like this, many animals are also suffering and in need of help and care. Haiti has an estimated 5 million head of livestock, a large stray dog population, native wildlife, and, of course, an untold number of companion animals.

IFAW has partnered with WSPA (World Society for the Protection of Animals) to launch a coordinated animal relief response. Together they will lead a coalition of animal welfare groups to help the animals of Haiti. Their first priority will be to treat critically injured animals. They are also very concerned about the possible outbreak of rabies, leptospirosis, and other diseases that can pass from animals to humans, so they'll be vaccinating animals as quickly as possible, as well as be distributing food, water, and basic medical care.

Animal teams are in the Dominican Republic preparing for this critical mission. They're setting up a mobile veterinary clinic, and donations are needed to stock it with medicine, syringes, bandages, food, and other supplies.

Once human relief efforts have taken hold and security is in place, and depending on the needs found on the ground, animal teams will deploy and begin their lifesaving work. No one is certain of all the challenges to be faced,we need to be prepared."

So post a comment and I will donate. I'll keep comments open until I hit my donation limit.

And pass this along!

Thanks!

Manners

2010-01-20T18:23:00.002-05:00

I already wrote about how impressed Charlie's extended family was over Christmas when she started saying "tank chew" after someone gave her something. Now I'm going to show off to the blog world ;-)

Here she is on video showing off her mad skills. Notice how her grandmother is ready to let her off the hook so easily? That is going to be the subject of a future post, coming up soon....

She also says "please" in sign language. Apparently I taught her the wrong sign for the world "please": it looks like she is scratching under her arms like a monkey whenever she signs "please".

Which is hilarious.

To me, at least. I will not be correcting her any time soon. As long as she's not doing that when she graduates high school, I'm going to enjoy a chuckle every time she asks for something.

So, is this advanced (as far as development goes) to be saying thank you? She is 16 months. Or is this "average"? When did your child start saying thank you or using manners in any way?

LUB CHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-19T07:00:00.001-05:00

We all get starry eyed when the lubs a flowin'....

Dance, Baby Dance

2010-01-18T09:30:00.000-05:00

Today we went to Charlie's first "dance". It was held at the cool downtown rock spot where all the indie bands play. Basically, it was a fundraiser for a Montessori school, and probably a hundred little kiddos showed up with their parents to get their groove on. At first it was 99 white kiddos, but then, amazingly, I spotted M (a fellow Ethiopian adoptee that we know from our Ethiopian families gatherings) and had a mini-reunion.

Also included in the corners of the auditorium were soft play stations, including tubes the kids could climb through, and play objects they could explore. The organizers provided costumes and dress up materials, as well as hula hoops.

We all had a blast.

Too bad they only hold it once a year. Considering it was cold and rainy outside, this was a perfect opportunity for kids to run around and let out tons of energy in a fun and safe environment.

Here is a video of Charlie dancing. Notice the "Ethiopian shoulders" which must be genetically programmed into her, since she couldn't have learned that in Ethiopia (she was too young when she left.)

Better Late than Never?

2010-01-17T10:03:00.004-05:00

My parents are visiting and whenever they visit, there is a long list of "projects" to be completed ;-) I'm not complaining, I'm just sayin'. No time for posting or thinking about interesting posts.

So therefore I apologize for this somewhat lame post.... it's way late. But still cute. It's Charlie's first time out in the snow. This was back in December. Little did we know that soon we would be huddling in 35 degree temperatures inside the house for 4 days without power or heat.

In other news, she has started saying "I love you" back to me when I say it to her first! It sounds like "LUB CHEWWWW!" and is very cute. I will try to capture that on video.

Haiti's Orphanages

2010-01-16T08:52:00.000-05:00

From Martha Osbourne of Rainbow Kids:

Helping Haiti 's Most Vulnerable

Orphans in Crisis

January 02,2010 / Martha Osborne

In the midst of this crisis, many readers of RainbowKids have called and emailed, wondering what can be done for Haiti 's orphans. While it is not possible to adopt Haitian children who have been separated from their families (due to their undetermined orphan status), there is still much that may be done to ease the suffering of these children.

On a sad note, we have learned of one orphanage near the epicenter that has been completely destroyed. We were unable to confirm the name of the orphanage, and will add it to this article once confirmed. Several orphanages are taking the precaution of having the children and caretakers sleep outside in the yards or driveways. There are many orphanages that have been damaged, and are in need of the most basic of supplies, including diesel fuel to run generators, water and water purifiers, food, and antibiotics.

While the need to take in additional children is being considered by the orphanage staffs, it must also be noted that the caretakers of the orphanages are primarily Haitian women who have their own families to care for during this time of tragedy. Fortunately, we are hearing reports of local families coming forward in the less damaged areas to offer temporary care for the children of the orphanages. Though poor economically, it should be noted that the people of Haiti are a warm and loving people who recognize the needs of their community. They are reaching out to one another, offering their homes and care whenever possible.

Currently, the greatest challenge is getting the much needed supplies in and around the country. The easiest and most economic way to do so is to buy supplies in the Dominican Republic, Haiti's nearest neighbor, and use emergency transport (by air and land) to reach the orphanages. This requires monetary donations, and the coordination of existing in-country charities and humanitarian-aid organizations. In short, donations to small, established organizations that have been working with orphanages for years, is the best way for donations to reach the children in an expedient manner. Most of these orphanages are small, housing from 12 to under 100 children.

If you would like to donate, please contact one of the following organizations working with children in the orphanages of Haiti:

Carolina Adoption Service s: Working with Maison des Anges in Tabarre. CAS reports that they have 90 children, with the majority under the age of 2 years. Thankfully, all of the children are unhurt. The orphanage has sustained some structural damage, but the extent of damage is not yet clear. CAS is concerned about basic supplies of food and water for the children.
Children's House International: Working with Creche Enfante Jesus. CHI reports little damage at the orphanage and no injuries to children. Major damaged to their office/receiving center in Port-au-Prince, but no one was injured. Greatest Need: Food and Water. They are recommending that all donations go through Chances for Children, to help the orphanages most in need.
Tree of Life Adoption Center: Working with HIS Home for Children in Port-au-Prince and Foyer de Sara. TOLA reports that all children are okay and, "The boys' house is damaged, one wall fell down. The children and staff are sleeping outside, afraid that the aftershock will crumble the house. Today they were planning to move the furniture out of that house and find another place to move them. There's about 100 (over) kids in the two location s for HIS Home". They are asking for prayers for their generator that is not in good condition, and that they are able to gather enough food and water to hold them over during this crisis.
Bethany Christian Services: Working with God's Littlest Angels orphanage and The Creche Enfants Jesus. Bethany reports that God's Littlest Angels received no damage or injuires, and little structural damage at The Creche. They also report that both orphanages are willing to take in more children as needed. They ask for prayers. Please designate gifts as "Haiti - Earthquake Fund".
Holt International: Working with Holt Fontana Village. Holt reports that the buildings received little damage, but that the children are in great distress. Holt is asking for financial assistance for the children and will also be offering assistance to the community.
Dillon International: Children are all fine, but disrupted. Many people are moving through the area where the orphanage and hospital are located, which is scaring the children. Some flooding within one building has occured. Greatest need: Gasoline for the generators and ongoing food/water supplies.
God's Littlest Angels: An orphanage in Haiti. All children fine, but 90 children sleeping outdoors as building damage is assessed. Children are upset and caretakers doing their best to gather supplies to provide for all needs.

We will be adding to this list as more information on reputable organizations and updates on specific orphanages is received. If you have information to share, please contact Martha@RainbowKids.com. Your compassion is gratefully received by the orphans of Haiti.

Crap-a-lap-a-ding-dong I crashed my car.

2010-01-12T20:04:00.005-05:00

I'm sooooo pissed right now!

I know that is because anger is a secondary emotion, and I'm probably still scared from the crash.

But here's why I'm angry:

- I checked Charlie's school online, no closing or late opening.

-I looked outside, it looked clear as a bell, as did the road.

- 1 second after I crashed, as I reached for my phone to call the police, I see a text message from Charlie's school, they are closing early. Meaning I didn't have to be on the road at all.

- 5 minutes after my crash, I get an automated call from the Township saying "Don't drive, it's pure ice out there today." Ummm... thanks guys. Next time try for earlier than 8:30 AM when most people have already left for work, huh?

- the tow guy cannot make it close enough to my car to pull it out.

- my week at work has royally s_cked, stress-wise. And with Charlie being sick, and the dogs having diarrhea and/or puking on my bed and in the shower I've just had it up to here (points to ceiling) lately and was hoping for a "recovery" week where I could get caught up and relax.

- I had to use another 8 hours of precious vacation time today. My vacation is rapidly being used up by Charlie's school being closed, or her being sick, or my crashing my car. Not by actual vacation.

- I'M MISSING AMERICAN IDOL AND IT'S MY OWN DAMN FAULT!!!!

So here's what happened. I left the house as per usual. Two seconds later I slid right off the road, on my own street (which is on a hill) because I didn't realize it was a sheet of pure ice. The impact was minimal, since I crashed into a bush and into the cable/phone/Internet box. Luckily, my neighbors rallied like a Hallmark movie of the week and helped me before they realized I knocked out cable/phone/Internet for the whole neighborhood. Hence no American Idol for the entire neighborhood. I'm so sorry guys! The nice policeman came and said I was the third "Michelle" to crash today. By 8:30 AM. Isn't that weird.... the universe has it out for me today.) The tow guy came but promptly left when he couldn't drive up my street. He came back later. My car is drivable, thank God. My deductible is quite high though and the entire bumper will need to be replaced.

Sigh.

When does it get better?

Yikes there's a mouse in my pantry!

2010-01-10T19:11:00.004-05:00

I have known for years that I share my dwelling with mice in the basement and that was OK with me. I mean, I have a large house for one person (now two) and didn't mind sharing. He has as much "right" as I do to this space. Just because I pay a bank for my house, doesn't mean he hasn't lain claim to the same area through generations of mice before him. Someone built this house on his home and so I was ok with sharing. As long as they stayed away from my food.

I knew they were there because of droppings in one closet, and an occasional smell that told me one of them had reached old age. At least he hadn't frozen to death. Eventually the smell went away and I don't spend much time down there anyway. There never seemed to be a lot of them, I never saw one.

Well, tonight I opened the pantry and almost fainted from the shock of seeing something dark grey moving on the shelf. She or he was actually pretty cute, but not expecting to see any movement, I was startled.

So now I have to decide how to get rid of it.

I WILL NOT snap it's neck, stick it to glue paper, or poison it in an agonizing slow death. I'm looking for a humane way I can trap it and release it somewhere far away. It's really too cold right now to release it outdoors. I will have to find some abandoned building or something. Anyway, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I did a little research and this is one idea I could easily make, having plenty of boxes, books, and bottles. I just have to figure out how to do this without the dogs around or they will have a tasty treat.

Best Books of 2009

2010-01-09T16:43:00.004-05:00

OK, so I'm way late on this post. Most of the "Best Of "lists come out on December 31st. A few late ones come out on January 1st. The really lazy writers may dare to post theirs on the 2nd.

Here it is, January 9th and I'm posting my book list. Oh well. I've been busy.

In 2009 I read 84 books, up from 2008 when I had read 59, so that's pretty good considering I became a mother in '09 and my reading time went WAY down. One thing I did was get a bunch of free audio books, so that helps with the numbers, but also with the enjoyment of my hobby. I listen on my way to work and back everyday.

I rate the books I read after finishing, with a star if they fit all or most of the following categories: "can't put it down", "weird lifestyle" "made me actually laugh out loud" "made me cry" "Extremely well written", "I'll remember for a long time" or " tells an amazing story". If they are poorly written, they don't get a star. If I put the book down over and over and it takes more than a week to read due to lack of interest, it won't get a star. I really enjoy reading about lives that are out of the ordinary, or different from mine... about things I will never experience.

So, without further ado, here is my list of the Best Books of 2009. Mind you, these books were not necessarily RELEASED in 2009. I just happened to pick them up in 2009.

BEST READS OF 2009:

Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant - Ferrari Adler
A mishmash of foodie writers dispute, humorously or more self-seriously, the pros and cons of cooking and dining alone. Includes recipes from well known authors for dishes they enjoy eating alone.

Stiff - Mary Roach
"Uproariously funny" doesn't seem a likely description for a book on cadavers. However, Roach, a Salon and Reader's Digest columnist, has done the nearly impossible and written a book as informative and respectful as it is irreverent and witty. From her opening lines ("The way I see it, being dead is not terribly far off from being on a cruise ship. Most of your time is spent lying on your back"), it is clear that she's taking a unique approach to issues surrounding death.

The Girls - Lori Lansens
Conjoined twins Rose and Ruby Darlen are linked at the side of the head, with separate brains and bodies. Born in a small town outside Toronto in the midst of a tornado and abandoned by their unwed teenage mother two weeks later, the girls are cared for by Aunt Lovey, a nurse who refuses to see them as deformed or even disabled. She raises them in Leaford, Ontario, where, at age 29, Rose, the more verbal and bookish twin, begins writing their story—i.e., this novel, which begins, "I have never looked into my sister's eyes."

There is No Me Without You - Melissa Faye Greene
All the Ethiopian adoptive families know about this one. If you don't, you should.

The Glass Castle - Jeanette Walls
I could NOT put this book down. It helped me through the pain of a surgery in February. Thank you, Ms. Wells. Form Amazon: "She opens her memoir by describing looking out the window of her taxi, wondering if she's "overdressed for the evening" and spotting her mother on the sidewalk, "rooting through a Dumpster." Walls's parents—just two of the unforgettable characters in this excellent, unusual book—were a matched pair of eccentrics, and raising four children didn't conventionalize either of them. Her father was a self-taught man, a would-be inventor who could stay longer at a poker table than at most jobs and had "a little bit of a drinking situation," as her mother put it. With a fantastic storytelling knack, Walls describes her artist mom's great gift for rationalizing. Apartment walls so thin they heard all their neighbors? What a bonus—they'd "pick up a little Spanish without even studying." Why feed their pets? They'd be helping them "by not allowing them to become dependent." While Walls's father's version of Christmas presents—walking each child into the Arizona desert at night and letting each one claim a star—was delightful, he wasn't so dear when he stole the kids' hard-earned savings to go on a bender. The Walls children learned to support themselves, eating out of trashcans at school or painting their skin so the holes in their pants didn't show. Buck-toothed Jeannette even tried making her own braces when she heard what orthodontia cost. One by one, each child escaped to New York City. Still, it wasn't long before their parents appeared on their doorsteps. "Why not?" Mom said. "Being homeless is an adventure."

Confessions of a Medical Examiner - Michael Baden
This engrossing book covers: (1) several famous cases, including Baden's personal re-examination of the autopsy findings for Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy; (2) unusual cases Baden had as medical examiner for NYC, such as an autopsy on a dining room table at the Plaza Hotel; (3) how medical examiners decide on means of death, with a section on poisons; (4) the history of coroners and medical examiners since 12th century England; (5) disturbing politics involved in the office of the Chief Medical Examiner of NYC; (6) identification of the dead; (7) time of death; (8) multiple-murder cases; (9) an almost perfect murder; (10) close calls, including near deaths during sex; (11) cases of mistaken diagnosis; and (12) autopsy findings that shed light on what happened in the Attica uprising.

His Favorite Wife: Trapped in Polygamy - Susan Ray Schmidt
I read a bunch of polygamists' memoirs. I found them fascinating, maybe because it's so foreign of a culture and something I will never experience.

Against Medical Advice - James Patterson and Hal Friedman
I picked this up in the grocery store, read the first sentence, and couldn't put it down. Cory Friedman woke up one morning when he was five years old with the uncontrollable urge to twitch his neck and his life was never the same again. From that day forward his life became a hell of uncontrollable tics, urges, and involuntary utterances.

Into The Wild- Jon Krakauer
My top favorite book of 2009. It still haunts me. The movie was great too. I now have a crush on Emile Hirsch who played the lead role in the movie. From Amazon: "God, he was a smart kid..." So why did Christopher McCandless trade a bright future--a college education, material comfort, uncommon ability and charm--for death by starvation in an abandoned bus in the woods of Alaska? This is the question that Jon Krakauer's book tries to answer.

There are actually many more titles I can recommend for 2009, but this post is getting long enough. Many of the descriptions come from Amazon, giving credit where it is due.

I hope fellow readers might put some of these on their wish lists. Enjoy :-)

My Absence, Charlie's Sick, I think.

2010-01-08T08:36:00.004-05:00

Sorry for my slight absence. I've been trying to get annual inspections for work done, end of the month billing done, along with finding childcare for a sick Charlie and rushing home early everyday to care for her.

Actually, she has a fever, but no real other symptoms so I'm not sure this isn't a teething fever (although why that would happen I'm not sure...) but it was quite high for a teething fever (103). Thanks to Motrin, it was controllable for the most part.

I truly know the work/childcare dilemma so many parents lament about. I know it first hand. I was completely torn in two: this is the one day a year I NEED to be at work (people traveled from out of state to be there for the inspections) VS. my sick child. Of course, Charlie won out but it was soooo hard for me to look at my colleagues and tell them I would have to leave int he middle of these annual inspections. They were all gracious (which somehow makes it even worse!) and said we could continue the next day. Which delays everything for them by a day. Because of my sick child. But thank goodness they were as understanding.

I'll be back with some new posts this weekend.

Have you ever had super important work days be preempted by childcare issues? What did you do?

Fattie Fattie Two By Four

2010-01-05T18:53:00.005-05:00

I’ve been considering starting up the whole online dating thing again. Exploring some sites, reading some headlines, etc. I heard about one site that connects scientists with other scientists or “fans” of scientists. That sounds interesting, to connect based on occupation. (Tell me, where are the doctor dating sites?) Today on CNN.com a headline caught my attention:

Dating site expels “fatties.”

Ok, how rude is that??

Or… is it rude?

We are, after all, a capitalist society in which businesses that attract people and keep folks coming back are the ones that succeed.

The dating site BeautifulPeople.com uses a voting system to allow new members. Once your profile is up, you get 72 hours for other members to vote whether you are attractive enough to remain on the site. Since the recent holidays, BeautifulPeople.com has booted 5000 members after those members gained weight and no longer qualified as “beautiful” in the eyes of other members. The managing director, Greg Hodge, said they have a “strict ban on ugly people.” OK, that language is clearly rude. He goes on to say: “Is it elitist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be. Is it lookist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be. Is it PC? No, it's not, but it's honest."

Hmmm. Capitalism…I guess. If the site generates profit, I guess that speaks for itself as to whether the voting system works

The company said it "expelled" 1,520 users from the U.S., 832 from the U.K., 533 from Canada, 510 from Poland, 425 from Germany, 402 from Italy, 323 from France, 220 from Denmark, 176 from Turkey and 88 people from Russia. In the e-mail, it gave users suggestions for boot camps and workout facilities to get themselves back in shape. It must have enough members to comfortably take a profit hit of that size. There’s some weird psychological aspect to this dating site… like the polar opposite of “I wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member.” I suppose it boosts many peoples’ egos to be ‘voted in”.

Go here to read the whole article and tell me: Fair or not fair? Nice or not nice? Would you belong to this club?

On the other hand.... I wonder, would THESE models make it onto the site then???? JEEZ!

Wish me luck... it's a dog eat dog world out there in online dating....

(ok, pun intended. I know, corny, corny ;-)

6 Months Later.....

2010-01-03T10:01:00.006-05:00

In the excitement of being snowbound for 4 days, followed immediately by the holidays, I neglected to blog about my 6 month anniversary of having met Charlie and becoming a family of two with her.

Things have changed GREATLY since that first day when she cried for 5 hours straight.

If you read some of the archives, I was an uncertain mother (still am in many regards, but different regards) learning to nurture a child who had been separated from everything she knew. Some of the posts talked of attachment parenting in the face of tantrums. Some posts asked for help with her fear of letting me out of her sight. Some days seemed like they would never end, as far as the crying and then Post Adoption Depression combined with maternity leave hit. Then some days felt like they would never end...

I've written about all of it, although it took me awhile to write about the depression, as one of the biggest taboos in today's society is being a "bad mother".

So, 6 months later, I can honestly write that I think I'm a "good enough" mother. I'm not perfect. There are still days when, like being stuck in the house for 4 days with no electricity, having to entertain a toddler for 16 hours a day, I thought I would lose it. But things have gotten MUCH better. For those of you suffering from PAD, get on some meds if your Dr. thinks that will help, and hang in there.

Today, Charlie is a precocious, happy child. She still has tantrums, but I walk out of the room (ala Supernanny) and that works almost instantly to quell them. Most of the time she is happy, affectionate, bright, curious, active, loving. She is confidant and will go with her babysitters when I need to leave without fear. She has a nighttime routine which is easy (for both of us) and consistent, whether she's at home or somewhere else. Makes traveling much less stressful. There have been a lot of changes, for the better.

The only "problem" we are still dealing with is biting at her daycare. I truly believe this is due to her having teeth coming out on all four sides of her mouth at once. She is getting better. I brought Ora gel to the school and her teachers give her a cold washcloth several times a day. Since then she has had a few "attempts" but no successful completions of a bite. I'm grateful the school is working with us on this, and there has been no talk of expelling her. Well, they'd lose $700 a month so I suppose they are loath to expel anyone. Not good business practice. But still, I appreciate it.

She is well bonded with me and her grandparents, who visit often. I probably am not the role model for attachment parenting, I do let her cry it out for 10 minutes at a time, but it works for us.

There are moments when she is absolutely the cutest thing on earth. Like when her little lips form to babble her high pitched baby talk, or when she points her chubby forefinger right into my eye and says "AIIIIIIIIII??????" When she points her finger and frowns sternly at the dogs and says "no no nooooooo" when they try and take her cookie. When she tries to rub lotion into her round tummy with her uncoordinated hands and looks up, pleased as punch, to make sure I noticed. When she says "mamamamamamamamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" until I look up, and then she asks "moh?" and makes the sign for "more" when eating tangerines.

I get enough sleep, but I am still tired a lot of the time. I'm lucky Charlie is a good sleeper. She has me beat by a few hours per day actually :-) I suppose the fatigue just goes along with single parenthood and all the responsibilities that need to be taken care of. It's endless. I'm on the 3rd load of laundry this weekend. One load a day really. But I knew most of this when signing on so I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm very lucky. Charlie is very easy for the most part. Many times, if she wakes up before me, she plays quietly in her crib until I get up. She has started saying "sank yooo" whenever you hand her something. My family was quite impressed with that ;-) considering she is only 16 months old. (I took all the credit for teaching her that, when really it was her daycare who taught her. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.)

When I think of parenting a special needs child... I just don't know how people handle that. Hats off to them. I couldn't do it without a very involved partner.

So that's where we are 6 months later. I'm not totally over my depression, but then, I don't know if I ever will be. I've had some low grade depression since my teens, so I don't know if that will ever totally lift. Charlie does help me find joy just in watching her.

Unveiling.

2010-01-01T10:22:00.005-05:00

This is it! No more pics of 2009 after this, I promise! But I have never really put pictures of myself on this blog and I finally had a few good ones taken of me, where I don't feel like I look fat, or have triple chins, or am breaking out all over, etc. So I decided to unmask and great the new year in a more open way! Ta-da, here is your blog author, A1S.

So here's me, nice to meetcha, wishing you all a fabulous oh-ten. May all your kiddos find their way home this year.

These pictures take my breath away!

2009-12-30T07:28:00.004-05:00

It's a combination of the early morning sunlight, her expressions, the softness of her hair.... her face....

Thanks to my Uncle John for the pictures! He's got a great eye and a super camera. Actually my aunt has a camera that has a "beauty" option which erases most wrinkles and spots without blurring the picture. It's really incredible. Maybe one day I will get the guts to post those before and after beautification pictures of myself!

Having a daughter for Christmas

2009-12-29T07:31:00.003-05:00

This was not Charlie’s first Christmas, but it was her first Christmas with us, her forever family.

I wonder what her mother is doing in Addis? And her brother. I hope they are OK. I have sent pictures and a letter to the address I have for her, but so far have heard nothing in response. I know that Ethiopians celebrate Christmas in January, and Charlie and I will send prayers across the globe on that day.

Back here in the USA, Christmas was joyful.

Much better(in my opinion) than before Charlie's arrival.

The Christmases the past few years have been decent, great, fun, and it’s always nice to spend time with family. But there was something missing. And this year she was not missing. She was very much a part of every moment of Christmas for me.

We made it to family after the snow storm of the decade. Three days late, but still made it safely. We spent our time between two relatives houses. Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day lunch were fabulous. I made a special drink called a “Maple Buttery Kiss” on Christmas Eve that was yummy, or at least I thought so ;-) . My aunt set a beautiful table and the lasagna dinner was delicious.

All the cousins played together and Charlie had a blast. They all went down into the basement at one point, which is a huge basement, very long and perfect for riding toys (such as the motorcycle and car seen in pictures). It was like a small amusement park down there. Boy was it chaotic at moments! Chaotic but fun. Totally out of control. Charlie held her own, but was asleep by 8 PM and slept until 9 AM Christmas morning, that’s how exhausted she was.

Christmas morning we opened presents and for the first time in years, we kept it to a reasonable amount. It still took all day to open them, but at least the adults didn’t get or give many to each other, it was mostly about the kiddos this year. Then we ate and played all day. Perfect. My family embraced Charlie 150%, and she is now going through attention withdrawals because it’s back to just me and her. She loves the 21 person attention-fest that happens when we go home to visit!

This is the Holiday Wrap Up, since I’m not celebrating New Year’s Eve, to my knowledge. I hate NYE anyway, always have. It makes me sad. Sad and usually disappointed. So I’ve just stopped celebrating it, and now that it would cost even more with having a babysitter, it’s not worth it. I’ll just relax with Charlie at home and wish her the best 2010.

I do have pictures of other family and cousins, but have not yet gotten permission to post them.

Super happy with my Christmas gift!

2009-12-28T07:37:00.002-05:00

Look at how awesome my (PINK) Canon Powershot is (thank you Santa!) click on pics for larger, better detailed shots.

(oh yea, and how pretty my daughter is....)

The "knock-knock-who's-there?-open-the-door-shut-the-door-do-it-again" game. Christmas Eve I put coils in her hair.

Snow... nom, nom, nom...

Ice tear, not from unhappiness but from the cold. If you only click on one, this is the one to click on.

Her cousins have a motorcycle and she took right to it. Rut-row.

Oh yea, back to the door game. This was Christmas Eve. I'll post Christmas tomorrow.

On another topic, I just wanted to point out that the "Airplanes crash when I travel" curse still continues. ON the day I flew to family, a plane in Jamaica crashed. On the day before I flew home, a mad bomber was taken down mid-air over Detroit. This continues the pattern. For years now I have noticed that planes go down when I go up. In a way, I take it as "insurance" that my own plane won't go down, based on statistics. However, if there comes a time when I'm traveling and there has not been an accident lately.... I'm going to assume it's my time.

Santa's Revenge:

2009-12-27T10:01:00.004-05:00

On our flight home, when we were about to land, I shifted Charlie's position on my lap and all of a sudden I felt this warm gush.....

Since I was buckled in and not allowed to visit the restroom, I was trapped.

But a warm trapped. Which is better than a cold trapped. So I tried to look at the bright side. ANDDDDDD.... we didn't crash so that is always appreciated (Thank you, Gods!)

I guess Santa got me good for this!

;-)

He also got me a great camera and so as soon as I figure out how to upload the pics, I will post a few (hundred) of Charlie's first Christmas with the family. She had a wonderful, fun, overwhelming, playing, laughing, dancing, cousin-y, delicious, chaotic, and loved-filled Christmas. It was GREAT!

I hope all of your holidays were filled with joy.

Oh Sweet Jeeezus How Good it is!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-21T18:21:00.009-05:00

Internet, TV and HEAT ARE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Man did I do the happy dance all over the house!

I woke up my neighbor and sang in her ear!

Ahhhh... life is good again. I had resigned myself to a dark, cold Christmas alone with Charlie but it looks like I MIGHT (pending no plane crashes) be able to be with my family for Christmas!

I got to drive around a bit today (to buy Chai of course) and every 30 feet a tree is down. It looks like a disaster area. Where is Obama to give us some funds??? There are utility trucks on every corner. Two lane roads are one lane, traffic lights are out, it's a bit eerie. But I'M FREE! FREE AS A BIRD! AND THAT BIRD WILL NEVER DIE-EAYYY-EAYYY!

Kind of sad that the Internet and TV can make me so happy. Or rather, the lack of reduce me to a heap of bored mess.

Here are some pics of the past days:

OUTSIDE:First day, it's still fun and beautiful....

End of first day, trees are starting to look sad.

Umm, yea, that's my driveway somewhere there...

This is still the first day, about 18 inches fell that day. We got another inch or two the next day.

This is the tree that fell against my house. Note how close it came to both breaking my window, and knocking down the cable wires. That would have meant no electric or Internet for even longer. Thank God for small (as in an inch) favors! Note my trusty saw hanging there in a moment of exhaustion.

This is the tree, or parts of it, after I pioneer woman'd it.

INSIDE:

"Momma. Can't. Move." Actually, it was bedtime when I bundled her so much she could barely bend her arms.

I was so unprepared for this. I had:

- half a book of matches
- a flashlight with a dying battery

I did not have:
- boots or gloves for shoveling
- Charlie's coat, mittens and hat (locked up in her school)
- salt for the driveway

We survived though. Each match was revered. Each candle, pruned and nursed along.

Thank you, all of you, for writing me comments and getting me through this last day when I was really losing it. I could expound on all sorts of deep thoughts I've had over the past few days, such as how easily a terrorist group could bring a city to it's knees by knocking out the electrical plant and the water reservoir.... or how close we all are to living like animals and our "civilization" with it's "Internet" and "heat" is an oh-so-fragile illusion about to come crashing in at any moment... certainly by 2012 I'd say. But I"m not going to. Instead I'm going to spend the night doing electrical activity, such as dish washing, laundry, and maybe, just maybe, some TV. Tomorrow we leave, please pray for our flight. Frankly, we've had enough excitement for this Christmas season.

We hope you have a MERRY MERRY Christmas! And, of course, a joyous Festivus for the rest of us :-) Don't forget to "Air Your Grievances" and have a fun wrestle.

SOS! Day 4 of no heat. Snowbound!

2009-12-20T21:12:00.004-05:00

Subject: SOS! Day 4 of no heat. Snowbound!
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 2009 20:18:51 -0500

We've had no electric or heat for 4 days, snowed in, trapped. Send help.

Kidding about the help part, although if anyone can cut downed trees and plow roads go ahead and send them.

The inside of the house is 35 degrees and 60,000 people in my county have been without power in this snowstorm of the decade. We have over 18 inches of snow and we are in The South, so not prepared (can you tell I'm a Yankee transplant?)

I have 3 trees down on my property, 1 of which I chopped down with a flimsy little hand saw because it threatened to pull wires down. Pioneer woman!

Charlie is bundled like a chinese kid, with so many layers she can barely bend her arms. We are surviving thanks to the gas stove burners which help a little, and the 3 canine furnaces which help a lot. Other than being cold, the worst is the boredom... Its dark. No tv, no computer, no radio, no lights to read by.... I'm almost out of Chai. Things are getting desperate.

Seriopusly though, we are out of milk and down to canned goods as perishables have already perished.

I shoveled the driveway so I could charge the blackberry in my car and not die of carbon monoxide poisoning.

I hope this blackberry post works... Please excuse typos... Thumb typing is clumsy. I'll be back with pictures once the power comes back.

How are all of you?

Talk to me please, I'm bored out of my gourd! I may not be able to respond, but trust I am checking for comments every 5 minutes. Trust.

Update: plow came but left a sheet of ice. Since I'm on a hill I still can't leave the house! I saw the utility truck try to make it up our road, he was slipping and turned aroiund halfway up. Hey! Come back here! I need my internet! I think it's too dangerous to attempt, esp with a baby. Even if I got down, I'd never get back up...
Kiki, dani, singlepap, thanlks for your comments! They all made me smile. Kik I can't get out of the house to go to a friend's house. Dani, yes neighbors are pulling together.

I need more comments please, I'm already done reading those three.

Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft's powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

The Secret to Happiness

2009-12-18T08:30:00.003-05:00

I used to facilitate several therapy groups (addicts and alcoholics in early recovery) and on occassion I would catch the members' attention by claiming to know "THE" secret to happiness. Once everyone was quietly attentive, I'd share. It was simple, but not easy: "Do the next right thing". Groans would erupt. But wait, let me finish, I'd say. If one does the next right thing in every moment, it leads to amazing contentment. It's just not an easy way of life to sustain.

My theory was that doing "bad" things, no matter how small (i.e. leaving no sheets on the roll of toilet paper for the next poor sap who sits down) eats away at one's self esteem, one little chip at a time. Sometimes even subconsciously, without one realizing it. This creates the belief that one is "not a good person" and bad people don't deserve to be happy. Plus the world ends up being a negative place and generally sucks.

Conversely, if one changes the roll in anticipation of the next person, the "next right thing" to do in that case, the opposite happens... one starts believing one is a "good" person, and that feels.. well... GOOD. Do enough of these small right things in a row, like for weeks, and all of a sudden one realizes: 'Hey. I'm HAPPY DAMN IT."

I've actually done the next right thing for a few months at a time and it really works. Take it from me, a person who generally languishes in a borderline depression since 1985. Now, a day or two won't do it, it has to become a way of life. But it works.

From the article "How To Get Really Happy" by Julia Allison:

"We’re all too quick to “postpone the intense self-examination and decision-making necessary to create a life of enjoyment.” What do we do instead? Distract ourselves with the idea that more money (or losing weight, or getting married) will make us happy.

So what’s the fastest way to really—really—figure out what makes you a happy camper?

Start a list. (Groan) I know, I know. Another list, just what you need. But seriously. You make excruciatingly detailed lists for the grocery store, the IRS, and your wedding. The least you could do is write down a few things that led directly to joy on your part. None of this “the end justifies the means” stuff (you’re not allowed to write anything that “might one day” make you happy. It has to create contentment right then and there.)

And stop with the big things. “My apartment” is too … vague. “My boyfriend” is too general. What about your apartment makes you happy? The way the light streams through the windows at 7:30 a.m.? The fact that you can’t hear your neighbors—ever? Your tiny little balcony, on which you fell asleep last Saturday night, on a blanket, because no chairs fit out there? That’s the sort of thing you should write down.

If you get stuck, think of this very cheesy reminder—Maria in The Sound of Music, singing about “her favorite things.” It seems a bit juvenile, but I promise, as you write down the silly little pieces of life that truly make you happy, I bet you’ll realize you’re happier than you think. And as you do, you’ll begin to notice that happiness is a choice—and it’s a positive feedback loop. As you choose to see the little things that bring you joy, you’ll start to see more of them, which will in turn, make you happier.

I remember reading somewhere that “happiness requires cultivation.” Take the time to cultivate your happiness. After all, what could be more important than that?"

I guess the secret to happiness is doing the next right thing, and an attitude of gratitude for what you already have.

In the spirit of self examination, here are a few things that bring me joy:

- Seeing Charlie wake up (her rosy cheeks, her smile, her bright eyes, her chirpy voice)

- Lying in bed with my three dogs, one behind my back, one with her muzzle fitted onto my side, one by my feet.

- Cooking something I think is turning out great.

- Having a free afternoon with nothing to do but read or waste time on the Internet.

- Watching Charlie form new words (the perfect "circle" of her lips when she says "no-no-nose" and points her chubby forefinger to smoosh her nose.)

- Christmas morning!

What is one of your joyful moments? Why don't you share one thing here and see if you can spread it. I may get some ideas from you.

The Most Beautiful Veggie in the Wolrd?

2009-12-17T07:38:00.001-05:00

This is called a "chou Romanesco" and supposedly tastes like a cross between a broccoli and Brussels sprout with a hint of cauliflower. My childhood nightmare! but I might actually enjoy it now.

It was genetically engineered. Here is an article about it and other "fractal foods".

What has this got to do with adoption? Nothing. I just thought is was the most interesting vegetable I'd ever seen so I thought I'd share.

Plus I have nothing new for today.

Ten Ways to Cause a Tantrum when None is Warranted

2009-12-16T07:29:00.000-05:00

From Parents Ask.com:

As parents, we’ve all seen it, our baby slumped and snoozing in their car seat. Head lolling at an unnatural angle and mouth agape. You think, “Aw. Poor thing. They must be so uncomfortable.” You want to fix it. In fact, as their mom (or dad) you are compelled to fix it. You lift their head gently from the side, trying to find the “tipping point” between front and back and side to side. You think you’ve got it. Ahhhh…the head is balanced. Success. Then they wake up and the screaming commences.

The point is, everyday our children are happy. We just don’t know it. So we continue on our quest to make their lives more pleasurable, more comfortable, “happier.” We shift, move, change, sanitize, anticipate and assist them with the hope of making their world a better place. And what do we get for it? Banchee screams and a migraine for our efforts.
The best advice I ever got as a parent and what I'd like to pass on to others: NEVER make a happy baby happier.

And at all costs, avoid the following 10 most common ways parents cause tantrums in otherwise peaceful and content babies or toddlers:

1. Moving your child from the car into the house so they can have a more comfortable nap. Unless you have a kid who is a guaranteed "transferer" let them sleep even if you have to sit in the car with them in the driveway. Or worst case, move the entire carseat with your sleeping child.

2. Changing your child out of a wet diaper in the middle of the night. If the wet diaper doesn't wake them, you shouldn't either!

3. Adding to a picture they're working on...just to make it "prettier" (or neater, or color IN the lines). Step away from the crayons.

4. Paying for expensive seats to a live kids show and insisting they watch every last second of it. Paying for the seats won't affect your kid's happiness one way or the other. Making them sit through the whole show (plus intermission!) - long beyond their attention span to justify the cost will. It's ok to leave.

5. Adding salt, cheese or ketchup to food without asking.

6. Holding onto a baby's pacifier (lovey, favorite blankie, whatever) and insisting you need to take it home to wash it if it's fallen on the ground before returning it. A little dirt never hurt anyone. Abide by the 5 second rule (or stretch it out if need be) and give the precious object back.

7. Fixing their shirt.

8. Brushing their hair.

9. Popping a puzzle piece into place even though your child has been struggling to finish the pretty picture. This could definitely become a "no good deed/puzzle piece goes unpunished" moment.

10. Seeing your pre-school daughter prance out of her room in an outfit worthy of a circus performer and proclaiming, "why don't you wear that nice outfit I BOUGHT YOU." This is tantrum kindling for sure.

I agree with most of these, except brushing her hair. That has to be done, and always brings on a tantrum. There are few things I can do to alleviate the tantrum, especially when I'm alone and only have 2 hands a 3 braids going. DO you agree with all of them? Do you have any to add to the list? Enlighten me!

If you have a black daughter, there's something you need to know...

2009-12-15T07:40:00.000-05:00

I try to be very careful with the foods I feed Charlie. We are not perfect, sometimes we slip, but for the most part she gets a pretty healthy diet. I have read that African-American girls tend to physically mature faster than Caucasian girls (not sure why that is) and one theory is the hormones in cow's milk. So I'm spending the couple extra dollars to buy the organic, hormone-free milk. Also, it's better for the cow's life.

Here is an NPR article we all need to be aware of if we have adopted girls of African descent. This article says that breast cancer strikes black girls younger than other races. Why? They don't know. My guess is the hormones again. Whenever we mess with nature, we create monsters eventually.
Click here to read it.

I put a pee soaked girl on Santa's lap.... does that put me in the "bad" column?

2009-12-13T09:10:00.005-05:00

After checking the website to make sure we arrived on time, Charlie and I stood in line excitedly to see Santa at 12:59 PM yesterday.

At 1:00 PM, a somewhat bitchy elf came by and strung a rope up right in front of us. "Santa's going to lunch. He'll be back at 2:00".

Harumph! He could stand to miss a few meals, imo.

I said something about how they should mention that on the hours listed, so people don't plan to come with small kids right then, and the "elf" (I use that term kindly) retorted that it was right there on the sign. "The sign that is pointed away from everyone in line?" I asked, "Because it's not on the website which is where people who are deciding when to come would look."

Score. But no joy in that. We took off to waste an hour at Build-a-Bear, which was fun. I changed Charlie at one point.

45 minutes later, hair disheveled, dress stained, and cheeks tear stained (not from seeing Santa but from not being allowed to eat ice off the mall floor) we headed back to Santa's area.... only to see a doubly long line around the corner.

Crap.

Oh well, it's Charlie's first Christmas with me and so we must do what every other parent does and force her to sit with Santa. We got in line. We waited. We fidgeted. We cried. We peed. A lot.

I discovered her wet stockings when we were next in line to sit on Santa's lap. It was 3:00 PM.

Now I ask you..... after all this, would YOU have gotten out of line to change her???

I think not.

So enjoy this photo, knowing Santa is wondering: "Is her butt really warm or is that wetness?"

Does that put me in the "bad" column? Will I be getting coal this year??? Yikes! Sorry Santa!

Her dress rose up, and I couldn't fix it because she was JUST about to start crying. They had to snap the picture right then, or miss it. So this is what we got for her first Santa experience! I think showing Charlie her personalized Santa video helped prepare her, she was definitely not as scared as some of the kids in line. And to see some hilarious Santa with crying kids photos, go here. It makes me really wonder why we do this to our kids??

I Didn't Think Anyone Would Believe Me...

2009-12-11T07:14:00.000-05:00

... so I video taped Charlie's bedtime routine. I wouldn't believe it myself if I wasn't watching it happen every night. This is what she does. Goodnight kisses to all, then she walks herself to her crib and I put her in. Blankets are tucked and once that door is closed she sleeps through the night. She is amazing!

The first time she did this was when her grand-parents were visiting, and when I came back out into the living room their jaws were still on the floor! I took full credit: "See what an awesome parent I am?" I said, "That's what she always does." (Yea, right! She'd never done it before... and I know I'm lucky as all get out. I've read so many books and heard stories about kids who had awful night time and parents who are exhausted.)

How could she possibly top this?

Next thing you know, she'll be doing a triple sachow back handspring into her crib!

(Ok, the video wouldn't load for some weird reason... now I KNOW nobody will believe me!!)

In the interest of honesty and transparency, this was not the first time I attempted to catch this on tape. The first night, Charlie slipped and fell after kissing Opa. The second night, she didn't want to kiss Opa and stayed in Babcia's lap. The third night... well, it was getting a bit ridiculous trying to catch her doing a flawless good night routine for the camera. Remember those Saturday Night Live skits where the actors would crack themselves up and try to hide it? Yea... um-hmmm... check out my mom when Charlie doesn't immediately go into her normal routine.... Then check out how the camera starts shaking. I almost peed my pants from trying not to crack up.

I'm telling you, my family is totally normal.

Hair, Glorious Hair!

2009-12-10T07:33:00.002-05:00

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short!"

I'm celebrating because I found the MOST AWESOME hair care website. Not only can you order cheap barrettes, ballies, beads (flowers, hearts, ponies, stars) head bands, snaps, and on and on.... but you can ALSO order hair care PRODUCTS. And not only THAT, but there are ALSO VIDEOS on how to do COILS, CORNROWS, TWISTS, BOX BRAIDS, FLAT TWISTS, CRISS CROSS CORN ROWS, PIGGY BACK PIG TAILS and stuff I've never heard of!

Go here to have fun, and learn tons!

So I tried out the TWISTS and the COILS doing what the lady in the video teaches and it works beautifully! Now, cornrows I'm going to need more practice. My fingers are just NOT that agile yet. But every day I'm getting better. Charlie is allowing me to play with her hair for about 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes after dinner. We have worked up to this. She definitely is just tolerating it, but she likes seeing the result in the mirror when I'm done.

Today, her African-American day care teacher COMPLIMENTED ME on her "Coolio style" hair do!!! What a compliment :-)

What I did was I separated her head into 9 equal quadrants and put a pigtail in each quadrant. Then I braided each pigtail with conditioner and left them overnight. In the morning I took out the braids and Charlie ended up with 9 fountains of curls! It was funny and cute.

What are some good hair sites you've found? I know about Happy Girl Hair and Tightly Curly, both good sites with great info. I'd like to find some others. In particular, I'd like to watch a teaching video for Bantu Knots.

Thanks and go check out these sites! They are great. Thank God for the Internet.

5 Days of Straight Sleep... but not for adopters.

2009-12-09T07:47:00.000-05:00

I read this article about a study being conducted, or a new program actually, at a hospital in Toronto (why are the Canadians so far ahead of the U.S. when it comes to family and parenting??) where they are trying to reduce the severity of post-partum depression by having birth mothers stay for 5 extra days at the hospital. The nurses help a lot and the moms get to sleep. The thinking is that sleep deprivation has a lot to do with post-partum depression, so by having mothers who are at "high risk" stay at the hospital and sleep the severity of PPD will be less. Or avoided completely.

Well, what a great idea! Although I'm not sure 5 days is enough....

At least someone, somewhere, is trying to do something to help.

Now, what about us adoptive moms? Are we not sleep deprived??

Click here to read the whole article.

One reason I'm still single...

2009-12-08T07:35:00.000-05:00

My parents and friends are frequently asking me why I don't get online and find myself a hubby. There are several reasons, some deep seated, some just due to laziness and being tired of the whole emailing 100 people and finding no one.

Maybe I will get back on the dating scene.... at some point. But then I see something like this and I think: "Hmm.... maybe not just yet...."

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

I'm the only black person in my family

2009-12-06T09:35:00.010-05:00

Sometimes I worry about these issues.

Things are pretty easy now, while Charlie is little and the bigger questions have not yet been realized.

But I think about her teenager-hood. How trying that time can be for every teen, let alone a trans-racially adopted one. When I mention my concerns, some people tell me I'll MAKE it an issue if I acknowledge it. If I ignore it, Charlie won't feel "out of place" being the only black person in our family. I don't think that's true. I think it IS an issue and if I DON'T acknowledge it I will not allow Charlie to feel safe enough to talk about it with me when it comes up. I think some people are still thinking color blindness is the way to go, but that discounts and un-validates the person of color's experience. It's easy to be color blind when you are white. You can go all month without thinking about it.

Try being color blind when you are black. Impossible. Where are the "black skin tone" band-aids? Did you get pulled over because you were speeding or because you are black? Did you get hired to fill a quota or because you were the best one for the job? Hundreds of reminders every day that you are not in the majority race.

I spent 4 years at a Master's level studying social work, oppression, racism.... I have read SO MUCH on this topic. In my everyday work I see the effects of racism all the time. For a white person who has not really studied these issues to tell me I should not "make it an issue" or I will "make it worse" is just not aware of what it's like to be a minority (not to mention insulting my education on the matter). Not that I am an expert on being black, obviously, being white and privileged, but at least I realize there is a deficit in my experience. I'm aware of institutional racism. I'm aware that growing up in a white family might really confuse a black person as far as their identity. I hope not, but at least I am aware that it MIGHT. I'm going to be watching and as ready as I can be for when Charlie has questions and feelings about this. I'm not going to pretend she is white and go about our lives as though nothing about her race would ever come up. Me asking Charlie her thoughts and feelings on this issue will not MAKE her have these issues. If I were not single, I would adopt another black child so Charlie could at least see her own skin tone around the table at family gatherings. (I would adopt again for other reasons as well, I'm just saying the child would be black for that reason.)

Here is a trailer of a movie at the Toronto film festival. If it comes to my area I so want to see it.

The official film description:

With white Jewish lesbians for parents and two adopted brothers — one mixed-race and one Korean—Brooklyn teen Avery grew up in a unique and loving Jewish household. But when her curiosity about her African-American roots grows, she decides to contact her birth mother. This choice propels Avery into her own complicated exploration of race, identity, and family that threatens to distance her from the parents she’s always known. She begins staying away from home, starts skipping school, and risks losing her shot at the college track career she had always dreamed of. But when Avery decides to pick up the pieces of her life and make sense of her identity, the results are inspiring. OFF AND RUNNING follows Avery to the brink of adulthood, exploring the strength of family bonds and the lengths people must go to become themselves.

Read more: http://ungratefullittlebastard.blogspot.com/#ixzz0Yv5pLhlT

Here is the film's official site.

Parents, how are you planning on handling these issues? Have you given it a lot of thought, or are you waiting for the day it comes up?

I would LOVE to post some comments from transracial adoptees who grew up in white families and how they felt about these issues. If any of you are reading, please comment and educate us.

Christmas Magic: Your kids will be mesmerized...

2009-12-05T09:40:00.002-05:00

My cousin, Kiki, turned me on to this link. It's a video of Santa talking to your child. It's very personalized, from a picture of your child, to his/her positive achievements, gift wishes, location, hair color and name. So once you input all the info, it's pretty fun to watch! And best of all, it's 100% FREE!

Charlie watched her Santa video with excitement and I could feel her little heart beating under her shirt and see the wonder in her eyes. Even though she has no idea who Santa is, she knew enough to realize he is magic! I video taped her the second and third time she watched (I never remember to video the first time, ugh), and each time she was enthralled. Her little eyes were opened so wide!

Click here to watch the Santa video and see if you want to make one for your child. There are different age ranges: toddler, tween, good kid, bad kid, etc so you can pick your category (I wonder what the "bad kid" category is and if anyone actually picks that!)

I'm starting to "get" the Christmas awe that parents seem to have when watching their kids at this time of year. I didn't really, before. I mean, I knew intellectually that parents got a kick out of watching their kids open presents and get excited. But I didn't really understand in my heart, how it feels, when you see your kid's face lit up in delight, awe, joy. The first time Charlie watched the Santa video, I got a clue on how wonderful that feels.... to watch your child see Santa for the first time.

I haven't felt this excited for Christmas for years. Since I was little actually.

Then we opened the first day of the Advent calender and she was surprised and delighted there was a piece of chocolate behind the window. She wanted to open and close the window over and over.

What is your favorite part of the holidays, as far as watching your kids, that is?

PS Happy Birthday to my Aunt and Uncle. We love you lots!

My Fake Baby. Yikes!

2009-12-03T07:25:00.007-05:00

Last night I had to make the oh-so-difficult decision between “Transgendered and Pregnant” and “My Fake Baby”. Do you ever have those kind of agonizing decisions to make? Well, I do, almost every night. Life is tough without Tivo.

After switching back and forth for a few minutes, the decision was made: “My Fake Baby.”

Have you SEEN this show??? It’s on the BBC channel. http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/336/index.jsp

It’s about women who collect the “reborn” babies, and treat them like real children. The “reborn” dolls look very life like, and some of them breathe, or wiggle. Some have beating hearts. All have tiny veins, soft angora hair, and incredibly baby-like skin (some are mottled, such as the newborns and some have that porcelain pore-less yet downy skin), all have the heft and weight of real babies. One of the womens' grandson had moved across the world and she was so stuck on him, so fixated, that she gave the doll maker pictures of him. On her “delivery day” (yes, they called it that), the day she picked up the doll, she said: “Now, nobody can ever take him away again.” She wrapped him up in blankies and tucked him safely into the car seat (a more expensive brand than mine, mind you, for an inanimate object) while driving off in tears of gratitude. It was sad how obsessed and hurt this woman was, but also highly creepy that a doll could replace her grandson.

Here is a clip

http://www.bbcamerica.com/video/bbca-reveals.jsp?bclid=22160557001&bctid=22212006001 you can watch.

One doll maker shows off her wares at this website http://www.sweetblessingsnursery.com/adoptedbabiesnursery1.htm. Check out how realistic the dolls look. Does anyone think Kennedy Rose is a little scary looking? One thing that creeps me out is that she has pages called “The Labor room” and “Adopted Babies Nursery”. She says “new mommies name the baby”. She writes “I have enjoyed receiving many sweet thank you’s and letters from the forever mummies that have adopted my babies.” It’s all over the top with not being in reality. I wonder if it psychologically hurts the women who buy these dolls as “replacements” for miscarriages or the death of a baby. I mean, it would kind of delay grief, wouldn’t it? If the woman is just collecting the way I collect books, that’s one thing… but to take these dolls out in strollers and bask in the attention of “being a new mom” (as Harry’s grand mom says) is weird. Isn’t it??? It goes without saying: THIS IS NOT ADOPTION. This is buying a doll. For exorbitant prices.

Amazing.

Human kind.

If you are interested in buying a reborn doll, or making your own, you can buy them on Ebay, or buy the kits to make them yourself from here http://reborn-dolls.myauctionlinks.com/?search=reborn+kit&ref=y

Which shows are your secret voyeuristic indulgences? Please tell me! I might be missing something good!

I can't believe it. Speechless.

2009-12-02T07:30:00.001-05:00

Due to lack of time and news, I have nothing to report for today. So instead, check out some of the fun links on the right and waste some time. Orrrrrr, check out this CUTE CUTE CUTE adoption story!!! The pictures won't fit and I'm not sure how to get them to fit, so you'll have to use the link. Believe me, you won't be disappointed :-) especially those of you interested in adoptive breast feeding ;-)

Elmo dress

2009-12-01T07:25:00.003-05:00

Here is Charlie in her Elmo dress, which I think is so cute.

Thank you Ebay! This dress was $0.25!

My one tip of the day for those of you who are waiting... when it comes time for showers, don't ask for any clothes. In fact, you might want to ask for diapers and wipes instead. You will get clothes, there is no need to buy them on Ebay or anywhere else! I had no idea and so I bought a bunch of Ebay clothes for very cheap a few weeks before travel (as the nesting/freak out instinct kicked in), and then received beautiful new clothes at my showers. Charlie has so many clothes I never have to do laundry if I don't want to. Of course, it's nice to have brand new clothes and some of them are so super cute I do put her in them for special occasions. On the other hand, I spend about $75.00 every 2 weeks on diapers and wipes. So if I had to do it over, I would register for diapers and wipes of all sizes! Or, if you are having more than one shower (like a friends and family one and then a work one) maybe ask for diapers and wipes to be the theme at one of them.

Just my little tip of the day.

Oh Happy Day!

2009-11-30T07:36:00.001-05:00

Boy, wouldn't it be great to wake up in this kind of mood every morning?

Who said "Youth is wasted on the young" again? He wasn't kidding. Charlie wakes up in a fabulous mood 99% of the time. I thought I'd try and capture it, because it's so cute. And I'm jealous because I wish I woke up like this instead of waking up grumbling. My dogs also wake up exuberant. They are definitely on to something.

Again, once the video camera comes out she gets inhibited, but you can still get the gist. I love her smile and rosy cheeks when she wakes up.

What is Your Faith?

2009-11-27T21:26:00.005-05:00

I have long been confused, "agnostic", uncertain, and a mind changer when it comes to religion and faith.

I know what I don't believe in. That's easy.

Not so sure what I do believe in though, if anything.

I found this website that asks 20 or so questions and then analyzes your beliefs and aligns your beliefs with the closest religion to your beliefs. It was interesting!

I was raised Catholic. However, according to this quiz, Roman Catholic is at the bottom of my belief system. Here are my results for anyone who is interested:

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Liberal Quakers (99%)
3.	Neo-Pagan (91%)
4.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (90%)
5.	Secular Humanism (88%)
6.	New Age (84%)
7.	Mahayana Buddhism (80%)
8.	Theravada Buddhism (73%)
9.	Reform Judaism (72%)
10.	Taoism (71%)
11.	Baha'i Faith (60%)
12.	Orthodox Quaker (57%)
13.	Scientology (57%)
14.	Jainism (56%)
15.	New Thought (56%)
16.	Nontheist (56%)
17.	Sikhism (54%)
18.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (41%)
19.	Orthodox Judaism (40%)
20.	Hinduism (40%)
21.	Islam (35%)
22.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
23.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (27%)
24.	Seventh Day Adventist (26%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (24%)
26.	Roman Catholic (24%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (14%)

I'm not even sure what Unitarian Universalism is.... I'll have to look it up.

What are your results? Go to this website and take the quiz, then come back and let me know. I know a lot of adoptive families are Christian, and adopt due to the whole "caring for widows and orphans" passage in the Bible. I'm definitely not one of them. I adopted because I wanted to be a parent and I was single. Also because I grew up in developing countries and that left an indelible mark on me as far as helping out those less fortunate, as well as being highly aware of other world cultures. Plus I'm drawn to the Ethiopian people. I find them an attractive people so in thinking about which country to adopt from, that part was easy enough for me.

I will most likely raise Charlie in my own unsure beliefs. In a way, I would hope that she had a stronger faith, as I think that can help one get through life. But I can't teach her something I don't know myself. I will allow her to discover her own heart in this matter. Whatever she wants to pursue, if anything, I will back her up. As long as it's not Sun Young-Moon or David Koresh, etc!

So... what are your beliefs? Did the quiz get it right?

Thankful....

2009-11-26T19:00:00.004-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving Readers!

Ethiopian Eating Gene? Moms, can you weigh in here?

2009-11-25T07:41:00.002-05:00

Here is my question for those of you who have Ethiopian kids: Do they eat absolutely everything?

I ask because Charlie, at 14 months, has eaten (and seems to like) the following foods (which I never imagined a child would like):

- broccoli
- Brussels sprouts
- salmon, tilapia and shrimp
- Indian food
- Thai food
- Ethiopian food
- green beans
- cucumbers
- lettuce
- zucchini

Basically, anything I put in front of her. She has only ever rejected one food: pecan pie.

It's great because whenever we go to restaurants, I just order what I want, knowing she will eat half of it. I have never bought her a seperate "kid's meal" or menu item.

She will eat many items that are bitter, sour, etc. Not kiddie type tastes. Some things I don't like yet and she already does. Sometimes I will cook her something I don't like, because it' s healthy for her and I know she will eat it. She also likes the regular kiddie food like Cheerios, oatmeal, bananas, squash, etc.

The question is do your Ethiopian kids eat like this???

My dad has a theory that eating might be in the Ethiopian gene pool as a "strength". Meaning that due to years of starvation and droughts, the Ethiopian people who have survived (survival of the fittest) are the ones who are the least picky. If there is food around, it got eaten.

Or are we extrapolating a country encompassing theory based on the eating habits of one child?

Well?

That's why I'm asking other mothers of Ethiopian kids what are your childrens' eating habits like? Do they like a wide variety of "adult" tastes?

PS. There is one other food I had forgotten about that she rejected: Sweet Tarts. Watch this, I think it's hilarious. Little kids tasting lemons and whatnot totally crack me up. Am I a terrible mother for that? Don't call DSS on me! (In my defense, she's not forced to keep eating it....)

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

PPSS Charlie said "Bye!" very clearly to the car this morning, and said "ouch" when she got her finger stuck in the wipes box. I have a feeling talking is going to be coming fast and furious now.

The Transracial Bill of Rights for Adopted Kids

2009-11-24T07:18:00.000-05:00

The other day when I was shopping at Sam's Club with Charlie, I saw a black man with a white toddler in his cart. We locked eyes and I started cracking up. We were the photo negative of each other. We said "hi". I asked if he got a lot of stares. He laughed and said he did sometimes but it doesn't bother him. We talked a little while about the whole trans racial "surprise" people seem to get at times and then said goodbye.

So when I saw this, I wanted to post it. Blatently stolen from Elizabeth's website
(which I'm reading from cover to cover and suggest you do too..)

I was sent this yesterday by a friend and I found it so profound. It’s everything I have been working towards but have not yet put into words. This should be required reading and believing for all adoptive families.

Copy it, print it off, link to this post, please just pass it along.

A Transracially-Adopted Child’s Bill of Rights Adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé

Every child is entitled to:

Love and full membership in her family.

Have his culture embraced and valued.

Parents who know that this is a race conscious society.

Parents who know that she will experience life differently than they do.

Parents who are not looking to “save” him or to improve the world.

Parents who know that being in a family doesn’t depend on “matching.”

Parents who know that trans racial adoption changes the family forever.

Be accepted by extended family members.

Parents who know that, if they are white, they benefit from racism.

Parents who know that they can’t transmit the child’s birth culture if it is not their own.

Have items at home that are made for and by people of his race.

Opportunities to make friends with people of her race or ethnicity.

Daily opportunities of positive experiences with his birth culture.

Build racial pride within her own home, school, and neighborhood.

Have many opportunities to connect with adults of the child’s race.

Parents who accept, understand and empathize with her culture.

Learn survival, problem-solving, and coping skills in a context of racial pride.

Take pride in the development of a dual identity and a multicultural/multiracial perspective on life.

Find his multiculturalism to be an asset and to conclude, “I’ve got the best of both worlds.”

Did she or didn't she? (New Poll)

2009-11-22T21:05:00.006-05:00

Please watch this and tell me at the end if Charlie said "ba-ba".

Then vote in the new poll on the right.

This is just for fun.... I haven't had a poll since posting her possible names way back when.

Please excuse the snotty nose. It's cleaned every 5 seconds and still, it's never enough. And yes, she's drinking out of a shoe. Good thing Christmas is coming, coz this kid needs some toys! Ok, so she's so bored she's figured out how to drink out of a shoe. Not just any shoe, this is the new Shape-Ups by Sketchers. It's gonna make my butt all sek-si and stuff.

Precursors to Post Adoption Depression - Conclusion

2009-11-22T08:53:00.005-05:00

Last week I listed a few precursors to PAD, check them out here.

Today, I'd like to finish the list. Remember this is from Internet research that is scarce, they may be more precursors.
Please excuse the various fonts, which come from copying and pasting. I was going to re-type it all because I know it's harder to read this way, but Charlie is needing attention this morning, so here it is with apologies.

June Bond coined the term, post adoption depression, in a 1995 article for Roots and Wings Magazine. It refers to a combination of symptoms that may include: depressed mood, irritability, diminished interest in most activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia, or sleeping too much, feeling worthless or excessively guilty, difficulty concentrating, and suicidal thoughts. The severity of PAD may vary and should be taken seriously if you have five or more of these symptoms during a two-week period. Whether an incapacitating depression that requires treatment, or simply "the blues," PAD is a very real phenomenon.

It is suspected that having a history of certain issues can increase the likely hood that PAD will surface.

BEING A "CAREER WOMAN":

Doctors often attribute post-partum blues to dramatic hormonal changes that occur after the birth of a baby. However, psychologists often link new mother's depression to the sudden overwhelming demands of an infant and new financial responsibility, as well her loss of professional identity, social networks, and personal freedom. Sometimes depression is simply about not getting enough sleep or time to oneself.

Many adoptive mothers are older and wealthier than typical first moms. They often have established careers and have enjoyed years of freedom from the demands of children. They feel depressed and anxious if they do not "fall in love" with their children immediately.

I know when I went on maternity leave for 3 months, part of me was lost. I had no idea how to spend my time, other than rushing around picking up after Charlie. On the other hand, I was loathe to go back to work! A few months later, I'm happier at home and happier at work. Getting 40 hours a week "off" from childcare is actually too much. I feel like I don't get to see Charlie very much and other people are raising her. That's probably a sign of recovery.

HIGH EXPECTATIONS AND A VIVID IMAGINATION:

June Bond, a writer for Roots and Wings magazine and the first person to recognize PADS, says that adoptive parents experience a huge letdown within a few weeks after their new child comes home. It is similar to what happens after a wedding, completing a college degree or achieving any other big life goal. "The emotional rush from the attainment of this long-desired goal is exhilarating," she writes. ". Feelings of being 'let down' are common after reaching any major life milestone."

Many adoptive parents have preconceived notions about the initial adjustment period with their new child. Remember this is a transitional time for all members of the family, not just the child. Bonding takes time and you may be overwhelmed by fatigue, sickness, stress, and the new challenges of parenthood.

--http://www.adoptionissues.org/post-adoption-depression.html

In understanding post-adoptive emotions, we examine expectations along several dimensions: our expectations of ourselves, of our child, of our family and friends, of our child’s birthparents, and of others (including our adoption professionals and society). Part of the wholeness of family lies beyond the primary family unit, reaching to extended family and close friends. The joy that we feel as parents is often contagious and includes the exquisite anticipation of sharing the fact a child will be added to the family. But adoptive parents may be surprised and ill-prepared for their families’ reactions. – Foli and Thompson

Remember my hurt over my baby shower? That was probably an expectation of mine, a dream of what it would look like, and when the RSVPs came in, it was shattered. My family IS in love with Charlie, and they ARE very supportive, but I’ll never forget the sheer volume of comments that post got…. Obviously not all families are. I hope yours is as wonderful as mine, but if they are not, find some supportive friends.

A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION (OR BI-POLAR, SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER OR ANY AFFECTIVE DISORDER):

If you have a tendency to any of the above mental health diagnoses, you are more likely to experience PAD. Personally I have battled depression for most of my adult life. This should not have taken me by surprise… After all, it’s such a joyful and happy time.

INTERNATIONAL AND SPECIAL NEEDS ADOPTION:

Science is just beginning to define "Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome" (PADS), which is not yet a distinct illness recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. PADS can range from a full-blown episode of severe depression that requires hospitalization or just a simple case of the blues that lasts a month or two. The few scientific studies of PADS indicate that over half of adoptive mothers experience it. For example, in 1999 Harriet McCarthy, manager of the Eastern European Adoption Coalition Parent Education and Preparedness, surveyed 165 mothers who had adopted children from Eastern Europe and found that 65% reported post-adoption depression. Other researchers have determined that you are more likely to experience PADS if you adopt from overseas or if your child has special needs.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT:

. Monitor your symptoms of depression and seek counseling and/or medical treatment if they persist and seriously impact day-to-day functioning.

Don't become isolated in your community. Enlist friends, family and neighbors to help with errands or domestic chores so that you can focus on bonding with your child.

· Try to get out with your child every day. Especially in the winter, cabin fever can exacerbate feelings of depression.

· If you have a predisposition to depression, you are at greater risk. Contact your mental health provider, counselor, and other support network to be on "standby."

· If the loss of career (whether temporary or permanent) triggers an identity crisis, find new areas of competence and seek out opportunities for adult contact.

· Don't expect perfection from yourself. Just do your best and don't feel guilty.

· Establish time with your spouse/partner to nurture your relationship.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Post Adoption Depressions Syndrome by Judy Bond; Roots and Wings, Spring 1995, www.adopting.org/pads.html

Baby Shock by Jean MacLeod; Adoptive Families, Sept/October 2001

Post Adoption Depression: The Unacknowledged Hazard, http://www.eeadopt.org/home/services/research/pad_survey/index. html

Putting Stuff Away (and Charlie's first word!)

2009-11-21T08:04:00.002-05:00

Is this kid loved or what????

She has her own cheering section.

Boy do we fawn over her!

But how could you not?

PS Charlie said her first word on Thursday! Well, her first really clearly pronounced word. It was "ba-ba". She said it very well :-) and totally on purpose. She wouldn't say it again, perhaps due to being startled by my impromptu kitchen dance.... but still, big step!! My baby's growing up!

Super Secret Diaper Rash Help

2009-11-20T07:25:00.001-05:00

Recently I read about a diaper rash treatment in one of the parenting magazines. Charlie had a persistent rash and so I decided to try it.

Apparently many diaper rashes have a yeast component (especially the rashes with small bumps) and so buying over-the-counter yeast infection ointment (you know, the kind for female yeast infections) and applying it to the child's bum seems to work.

I tried it, and in 2 days Charlie's rash was gone, and it has not come back. That was a couple of months ago. This solution seems to have some staying power. Much longer than zinc, which works slowly (if at all) and the rash comes back as soon as one stops using it). We have not had to use zinc or anything since using the yeast infection stuff, and her bottom is clear and gorgeous. And squeezable. I'm just sayin'.

I thought I'd share, since to me this was a God sent super secret solution!

Proof of Charlie's Innocence! Evidence, CSI-like...

2009-11-19T07:30:00.000-05:00

Here is the evidence that Charlie's lip was hurt. These pictures were found in my mother's camera, taken on the morning of the great "tongue time out".

Thanks for all the input, there were some very wise comments.

And here's what I did about it (see two posts down for backup story):

Yesterday morning, her teacher was not there so I did nothing. By the afternoon I was completely calm and "over it".

I did bring it up after we had chatted about other things for awhile. I said "Her grandfather told me she was naughty yesterday.... what happened?" and the teacher replied that Charlie had stuck out her tongue, but she didn't think it was malicious. She wasn't sure where she had picked it up from, but there was a book they look at everyday of children from around the world (she showed it to me) and the child they call the "Charlie baby" (the one from Africa)is sticking out his tongue.

Which led me to want to ask "Well, why was she put in time out for that????" but I decided to let it go. After all, it's not a huge deal and as long as the teacher admitted it wasn't malicious (she's just too young for malicious!) that's all I care about.

Actually, funnily enough, M and M in the comments yesterday mentioned having that same book! And noticing the African baby sticking out her tongue. Weird coincidence, huh?

Boy.... put together an Aries personality and burgeoning mama bear protective feelings and wowsa! Explosions in the brain happen!

I'm nowhere near about to pull her out of this daycare. It has too many good things going for it, and I think that's a bit knee-jerk of a reaction. Here are the great things:

1) It's 1 mile from my house
2) They serve breakfast, lunch, and afternoon snack saving me money and more importantly, time
3) The entire school is extremely diverse. Every third family walking down the hall is a trans-racial family. I love that and can't get that anywhere else around here.
4) It's the cheapest daycare in the area.
5) Usually I think the teachers are really caring and warm.

So, until something else happens, something worse, Charlie will be staying in this daycare. It's hard to know just from reading a blog post, especially a post that was written in anger. But generally, these are compassionate teachers.

The teacher knows I am behind her most of the time with discipline, and we discuss Charlie's behaviors with the common goal to have a well behaved child. So I'm glad she can tell me this stuff. In this case, there's no doubt in my mind Charlie has no idea what sticking her tongue out means. But certainly she is a strong willed child and will need to understand that what her teacher and mama say needs to be adhered to. So far she is very well behaved, and I'm amazed.

Ethiopian adoption journey

Tinkle Tinkle

First Update!

Bye Blog World!

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Eyebrow Mayhem

Steroids and Sugar Daddies

Cheering My Old Ass Up

I Turn 40 Tomorrow

Mama Vs. Mommy

Operating Instructions

How Do YOU Eat an Oreo Cookie??

American Idol Jumps The Shark

I made Charlie a toy

Al Bundy?

Sometimes I amaze myself.

The Shrine Down the Hall

Dedication

My Two Cents on Jesse James and His... Ahem..."Mistress" (that's putting it politely)

I love, love love this blog, but love ain't enough.

Home Sweet Home

Botox

Our First Time Apart

Oh What A Letdown. And Up Swing.

Hair-Gate 2010

Some Things Make Everything Alright Again

Is this Hair Racism??

I'm in a BADDDDDD Mood.

SuperStah!

Pain in the Butt Tax Info for You

Dr. Seuss's Birthday Celebration!

Almost peed my pants laughing. (Almost, I said!)

"Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother"

Want to Save $4000.00 on Your Adoption???

What Do You Think of My Dating Profile?

printQuestionText(2, "en", "en");What I’m doing with my life

printQuestionText(4, "en", "en");The first things people usually notice about me

printQuestionText(5, "en", "en");My favorite books, movies, music, and food

printQuestionText(6, "en", "en");The six things I could never do without

printQuestionText(7, "en", "en");I spend a lot of time thinking about

printQuestionText(8, "en", "en");On a typical Friday night I am

printQuestionText(9, "en", "en");The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

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Nom nom nom....

Biting. Again. And Again.

A Week In Pictures

Tootsies in the sand, drinks in hand.

Life is So Full of Extremes.

Pathetic Sick Pics

I Warned You...

We Have Been Released!

Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

Holy Crap, Charlie Has Been Hospitalized!

Chuckles Has The Whoop. I Think.

HAIR! ..... Again.....

I forgot to put a title on this...

Which picture should I use?

Here We Go Again... in more ways than one.

Besotted

At What Point Do you Let Your Kids Fall?

Help Me Help Haitian Hurt Animals. With Update

Manners

LUB CHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dance, Baby Dance

Better Late than Never?

Haiti's Orphanages

Crap-a-lap-a-ding-dong I crashed my car.

Yikes there's a mouse in my pantry!

Best Books of 2009

My Absence, Charlie's Sick, I think.

Fattie Fattie Two By Four

6 Months Later.....

Unveiling.

These pictures take my breath away!

Having a daughter for Christmas

Super happy with my Christmas gift!

Santa's Revenge:

Oh Sweet Jeeezus How Good it is!!!!!!!!!!!

SOS! Day 4 of no heat. Snowbound!

The Secret to Happiness

What I’m doing with my life

The first things people usually notice about me

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

The six things I could never do without

I spend a lot of time thinking about

On a typical Friday night I am

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

You should message me if